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The Earl of Hotdog

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Pictured: A sandwich
Pictured: A sandwich

Sandwich Recognition Disorder or SRD is a serious personality disorder recognized by the American Medical Association. Its symptoms include:

  • Inability to decipher between sandwiches and other foodstuffs
  • The desire to describe all foodstuffs as sandwiches
  • A tendency to describe food items like Spaghetti and Marinara as “deconstructed sandwiches.”
  • A libertine, anything-goes attitude toward sandwiches and other foodstuffs

To be clear, a sandwich is is a flat or flat-ish conveyance for meats, veggies, fruits, condiments, and cheeses. These items must be…sandwiched between two bready substances.

Things that are not sandwiches:

  • Pizza
  • Hot dogs
  • Pho
  • Spaghetti
  • Erotic doodles of America’s sweetheart, Jennifer Anniston, lovingly caressing a carousel horse
  • Marble obelisks
  • The delicious skin-plumping tears of white people

If you recognize the symptoms of SRD in you or someone you love, please get professional help immediately.

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