The Earl of Hotdog

Sandwich Recognition Disorder or SRD is a serious personality disorder recognized by the American Medical Association. Its symptoms include:

• Inability to decipher between sandwiches and other foodstuffs
• The desire to describe all foodstuffs as sandwiches
• A tendency to describe food items like Spaghetti and Marinara as “deconstructed sandwiches.”
• A libertine, anything-goes attitude toward sandwiches and other foodstuffs

To be clear, a sandwich is is a flat or flat-ish conveyance for meats, veggies, fruits, condiments, and cheeses. These items must be…sandwiched between two bready substances.

Things that are not sandwiches:

• Pizza
• Hot dogs
• Pho
• Spaghetti
• Erotic doodles of America’s sweetheart, Jennifer Anniston, lovingly caressing a carousel horse
• Marble obelisks
• The delicious skin-plumping tears of white people

If you recognize the symptoms of SRD in you or someone you love, please get professional help immediately.