Dave Brockington
Paul Campos
- Website
- CV
- Blog Posts
- Blogroll
- My Other Blogs
Erik Loomis
Robert Farley
SEK
Scott Lemieux
Dave Noon
DJW

You are here: Home » Archives for nonsense

Tag: "nonsense"

Evil plot thwarted

[ 59 ] February 5, 2012 | djw

Via Outside the Beltway, A story about the resurgence of some of the more baroque aspects of Tea Party activism and local politics in the New York Times today. My favorite line:

In Maine, the Tea Party-backed Republican governor canceled a project to ease congestion along the Route 1 corridor after protesters complained it was part of the United Nations plot.

Those bastards! As far as I can make out, the fiendish plot can be characterized thusly:

1. Congestion along Route 1 in Maine reduced; consequently residents and visitors to the great state of Maine arriving at their destination slightly earlier than they otherwise would have arrived.

2. ???

3. Socialist UN one world government, Christianity banned, Sharia law and gay marriage mandatory, etc. etc.

The only thing I can’t quite work out about this plot is the precise details of stage two. Suggestions and theories welcome.

Even this doggerel that pours from my pen

[ 22 ] June 18, 2011 | Paul Campos

Has just been written by another twenty telepathic men.

A question that interests me is, how many of the 21 GOP representatives who signed this letter actually have doubts about the constitutionality of bills signed by a presidential auto pen? As a legal matter, the claim that such a practice is unconstitutional is frivolous, for at least three reasons. First, as this neurotically comprehensive treatment of the issue by the OLC demonstrates, there wasn’t even a common law requirement at the time of the Constitution’s drafting that “signing” a document meant “signing it personally.”

Second, as the OLC memo also points out, nobody has ever argued that bills have to “presented” to the president by literally handing them over to the POTUS, or that the president has to walk over to Congress to “return” a vetoed bill.

The OLC memo doesn’t mention the most ridiculous aspect of this issue, which is that presidents don’t even need to sign bills at all (if Congress is in session, a bill that isn’t affirmatively vetoed becomes law in ten days whether it has been signed or not).

My guess is that a few of the letter’s signatories are representatives of the kind of magical legal thinking one finds on the far right, where Militia Men argue that the federal income tax is unconstitutional because Ohio wasn’t “really” a state at the time the 16th amendment was ratified etc. etc.

Most of them, however, are probably indulging in yet another cynical de-legitimation ploy, giving their constituents just one more reason to believe that Obama is somehow not exactly a real president, doing real presidential things.

For Sale!

[ 25 ] June 8, 2011 | Robert Farley

My recent comments notwithstanding, it should go without saying that my endorsement is most definitely for sale. I, and indeed most of the other contributors to LGM, will happily shill for whatever you happen to be selling, provided you meet our very reasonable prices. Of course, pricing depends on profile of contributor (Lemieux and I require top dollar, the rest of the band rather less), subject matter (Campos demands extra for weight loss product endorsements, and Noon’s coveted recommendation of anti-vax literature costs a pretty penny), nature of endorsement (if you want djw to actually use your hair product, or Loomis to use your hair loss product, you’ve got to be willing to open the wallet). Kaufman and Brockington are also available in the unlikely event that you can think of something that you’d want to have either of them endorse.

“Today will be a day long remembered…”

[ 69 ] May 11, 2011 | Robert Farley

This is dead on.

CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader’s own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

Disappointed!

[ 13 ] May 3, 2011 | Robert Farley

I had always hoped that Osama Bin Laden was a reader of LGM (and perhaps even a commenter; maybe wengler?). Turns out not so much. I’m still kind of optimistic about our Quetta and Peshawar readers, though. Memeification begins here.

Against Bilbo Baggins

[ 25 ] April 8, 2011 | Robert Farley

Interesting claim:

And then he goes on to estimate the mass and coverage of gold, diamonds, and other treasure for a current street value of $8.6 billion. So Bilbo Baggins, having received 1/14th of the treasure, did very well for himself on that little adventure.

Hurm. $615 million isn’t chump change, although assaulting a dragon’s fortress is a chancy enough endeavour even without the long journey through wild territory. The willingness of the relatively prosperous Bilbo to engage in extremely risk-acceptant behavior must be measured against that of the dwarfs, who were both impoverished and had a serious political grievance. Gandalf’s persuasive abilities notwithstanding, it seems to me that Bilbo falls comfortably within the archetype of wealthy, playboy mercenary, willing to sell his skills to the desperate at extraordinarily high cost. That he has only the barest notion of what the mission actually entails only reinforces the irresponsibility of the agreement. And lets be brutally frank; would you really want Erik Prince to be in possession of the One True Ring?

Why Can’t My Twins be More Marketable?

[ 8 ] April 1, 2011 | Robert Farley

Too awesome:

One More Step on the Road to “Baby Clausewitz”

[ 3 ] March 5, 2011 | Robert Farley

I find it difficult to express how supportive I am of this project. I can only hope that it reaches fruition before necessity demands that I start Elisha and Miriam on the actual text of On War. Frankly, however, I would have preferred Boar Clausewitz.

Bandidos Yanquis

[ 16 ] September 15, 2010 | Robert Farley

I have to say that I am shocked, shocked by the general level of evil and ill will demonstrated by Yankee partisans:

A curious phenomenon has emerged at the intersection of fashion, sports and crime: dozens of men and women who have robbed, beaten, stabbed and shot at their fellow New Yorkers have done so while wearing Yankees caps or clothing.

One of the three suspects in the gym break-ins wore a blue Yankees cap. A security camera photographed the man who tried to rob the Bronx bank, and though his face was largely obscured, his Yankees hat was clearly visible. The Queens robbery suspect was last seen with a Yankees cap on his head.

In some ways, it is not surprising that Yankees attire is worn by both those who abide by the law and those who break it. The Yankees are one of the most famous franchises in sports, and their merchandise is widely available and hugely popular.

But Yankees caps and clothing have dominated the crime blotter for so long, in so many parts of the city and in so many types of offenses, that it defies an easy explanation.

I can see at least two problems in the above text:

In some ways, it is surprising that Yankees attire is worn by those who abide by the law. That Yankees caps and clothing have dominated the crime blotter for so long, in so many parts of the city and in so many types of offenses, is easily explained by the evil nature of the Yankees fan.

Fixed it for you.

UPDATE: I used to think that this picture was cute. Now I worry that Miriam is just looking for something to steal.

Our 70-521 prep courses & 70-669 includes the latest set of 70-294 practice questions and MB6-288 dumps with 100% guarantee for victory in 70-512.

Oh Sweet Jeebus

[ 23 ] August 27, 2010 | Robert Farley

Our last commander in Afghanistan was an avowed fan of Bud Light Lime. His replacement?

Despite admitting that he has not purchased a compact disc in years, General David Petraeus revealed Wednesday that he is “an Enya guy,” referring to the new-age Irish musician.

“I do like Celtic music. And Enya is among those,” the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan told Fox News Channel’s Jennifer Griffin in an exclusive interview.

Petraeus said he has not had the opportunity to enjoy his favorite artist in the battlefield, saying he has not listened to music since he’s been on the ground in Afghanistan.

“Maybe over time I’ll get to that,” he added.

Maybe the Taliban will decide that killing Enya fans isn’t worth the trouble?

UPDATE [by SL]: I can’t resist once again quoting one of my favorite hatchet jobs:

Pondering the fate of post-September 11 pop, everyone predicted what they already wished for–Slipknot undone, Britney in hiding. What happened instead was the unthinkable–sales of Enya’s first album since 1995 spiked 10 months after release. (And she thought that movie where Charlize Theron fucked Keanu Reeves and died of cancer was a promotional coup!) Two years in the making with the artiste playing every synthesizer, the 11 songs here last a resounding 34 minutes and represent a significant downsizing of her New Age exoticism since 1988′s breakthrough, Watermark–it’s goopier, more simplistic. Yanni is Tchaikovsky by comparison, Sarah McLachlan Ella Fitzgerald, treacle Smithfield ham. Right, whatever gets folks through the night. But Enya’s the kind of artist who makes you think, if this piffle got them through it, how dark could their night have been? Like Master P or Michael Bolton only worse, she tests one’s faith in democracy itself.

And I am Also of the Opinion that the British Embassy Should be Burned…

[ 21 ] August 25, 2010 | Robert Farley

I note that yesterday and today constitute the 196th anniversary of the burning of Washington, D.C. by the hated British. Since that time, not a single Anglican church has been erected upon the hallowed ground of our incinerated national capitol. Never forget! Moderate Britons would be well advised to restrain their radical brethren from any efforts to memorialize these tragic events, which have forever scarred the American national psyche.

If Selected, I Will Serve!

[ 7 ] August 16, 2010 | Robert Farley

In light of the news that Robert Gates will step down in 2011, I would like to announce my candidacy for the position of Secretary of Defense of the United States of America. A non-exhaustive list of my qualifications:

Attended a CNAS Christmas party.
Can stand for several hours.
Got lost once near the Pentagon parking lot.
Knew a guy who worked in a defense related field, although we kind of lost touch a few years back. I could probably still find his e-mail, though.
Can list the names of every battleship since USS South Carolina from memory, as long as you don’t count the ones that were never built.
Have watched Red Dawn 19 times, Top Gun 26 times, and Hunt for Red October 45 times.

Now to make plane and hotel reservations for the Senate confirmation hearings…