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Today in penis superiority theory: Pissing about makes boys better at physics

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A urinal for women at the National Zoo

If you’re wondering whether this is a piss-take, urine good company:

But the academics argued that ‘playful urination practices – from seeing how high you can pee to games such as Peeball (where men compete using their urine to destroy a ball placed in a urinal) – may give boys an advantage over girls when it comes to physics’.

More specifically, physics involving projectile motion. The intimate and innate knowledge of which can only come from playful peeing while standing up.

They said: ‘Boys are trained to pee into toilet bowls with floating targets, a huge variety of which can be bought on Amazon; Amsterdam Airport Schiphol famously cleaned up its urinals by encouraging men to hit flies etched next to the drain; and Peeball is now a worldwide phenomenon.

‘Meanwhile, YouTube videos explain how to write your name in the snow with your pee; and the post-match celebration peeing antics of sportsmen are widely reported in the media.

The reader is left to assume that the three academics spewing this stuff believe that boys’ pee/projection physics superiority began after toilet targets and YouTube.

As an aside, I was not aware of Peeball or sports-related We’re Number 1 antics with number 1. Now I am, and that’s unfortunate. But speaking of sports, in their rush to claim creative tinkle time makes boys better at physics, the pee-play proponents seem to have overlooked other activities that boys are encouraged to engage in that would get them thinking about projection.

This self-directed, hands-on, intrinsically (and sometimes extrinsically, and socially) rewarding activity must have a huge potential contribution to learning, resulting in a deep, embodied, material knowledge of projectile motion that’s simply not accessible to girls.

Sorry girls! Your boring methods of elimination have left you at a disadvantage that can’t be remedied by – just by way of example – throwing softballs at boys who are peeing on stuff for fun.

 

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