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Laber of Love

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Cupid, draw back and LOL
Cupid, 1744, marble. Edme Bouchardon – National Gallery of Art

Conservatives aren’t good for much. Projection. Making up stupid rules that even they can’t explain. More projection. Blaming other people for their mistakes.

Typing out their incoherent temper tantrums and sending them swill mills like The Federalist is another thing they manage without fucking up too badly.

And then they provide amusement for normal people who read Your Refusal To Date Conservatives Is One Reason We Have Donald Trump.

Right away one wonders: Who the hell is the intended audience for this crap? Psychomasochistic liberals whose kink is subscribing to the Feduhralist is a good guess. However, this is the written equivalent of the street creep yelling insults at a woman who walked past wearing headphones. He thinks she ignored him, she’s blissfully unaware of his existence, passersby laugh at the shouty dumbass.

At any rate, I often read the first paragraph of these things and skip to the last because stupidity is dense and it sinks.

The popular dating website OkCupid announced Wednesday that it would make the online dating scene a little easier for progressives who can’t risk interacting with someone with whom they disagree (imagine the horror!).

Why can’t liberals be open-minded? Like the right wing blubberers who go Code PantyBunch at the thought that somewhere a liberal might be avoiding them.

He concludes by declaring that liberals aren’t allowed to refuse to date Jerrod Laber conservatives if Jerrod Laber wants to date them the refusal is a form of protest.

If a progressive doesn’t want to date a conservative and vice versa, that’s perfectly fine. Everyone has deal-breakers. But as a political protest, this form of virtue-signaling is counterproductive in the long run.

So please, if a conservative asks you out on a date, and you respond by suggesting the conservative go Bannon himself, please make sure you present them the following note:

“Dear conservative. I am not refusing to date you as a form of protest. I am refusing to date you because to me you are like a mountain; a vast bowl of pus. Get lost. XO – A liberal who would rather eat his/her own feces than date you.”

But what exactly did a liberal who Laber wanted to date OKCupid do?

They announced a partnership with Planned Parenthood that allows site users to put a badge on their profile signifying support for the nation’s largest abortion provider, much the way Facebook becomes saturated with similar kinds of profile pictures during the newest disaster.

Planned Parenthood isn’t the nation’s largest abortion provider, but being a dishonest dickhead is another thing conservatives can do in their sleep. The fact that they aren’t mobbed by love-lorn liberals is indeed a deep mystery.

It’s about this time that Laber runs into a common problem of conservatives who complain about a Bad Thing a liberal has allegedly done. He can’t articulate what it is the liberal has done. In this case, if conservatives are turned off by Planned Parenthood icons, they’re the one refusing to date liberals. So he starts gabbling about assortative mating. And citing Charles Murray.

Assortative mating is when someone partners and starts a family with someone of a similar background. It can be based on innate characteristics, such as race and ethnicity, or socioeconomic backgrounds. People have always engaged in assortative mating of some kind or another, but as social scientist Charles Murray explains in his book “Coming Apart: The State of White America, 1960–2010,” there was a shift to a particular type of mating in the ‘60s which continues through the present day.

How does people sticking to their kind – something cons are very much into, unless the same kind is the same gender – put tRump in office? It was not decades of demagoguery by the Republican party, of course. City-slicker progressives and lower-class conservatives from Smallville didn’t engage enough assortativeness. This left the Smallvillians open to the blandishments of Donald Trump.

In a less polarized environment, that schtick might be seen for the nonsense that it is. But in a world of ignorant voters and social stratification––in which progressives who live in wealthy ZIP codes and small-town conservatives share a mutual disdain for one another––you get stratification that populist blowhards can exploit. Humans naturally form groups, but when rampant partisanship is the foundation upon which the group lies, extreme politicians are those most likely to win their sympathy.

It is possible that at this point Laber realized that Liberals should relocate and marry conservatives to keep Republican whackaloons out of office is significantly dumber than Liberals shouldn’t put Planned Parenthood icons on their OKCupid profiles. At any rate, the finger-wag about protest un-dating is his last say in the matter. Or perhaps he’s going to follow up with his ideas for shipping city-dwelling liberals to more conservative rural areas. Keep an eye peeled for the recruiting posters!

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