As I peek through my fingers at my bank account at month’s end, it occurs to me it might be time for another OLDMAN CAT fundraiser, because I am broke. As in, broker than broke, can’t afford to go to the laundromat broke, eating even cheaper Ramen noodles broke. It’s not their fault that they’re old and their food and medicine are expensive, but they are and it is.

So, if you have some spare change around and want to keep OLDMAN CAT spry, profane, and perpetually annoying, I have a Pay Pal account through which you can do so.

This isn’t a GoFundMe, but I thought I’d offer incentives anyway:

  • For $5, OLDMAN VIRGIL will annoy me
  • For $10, OLDMAN MUND will join in
  • For $50, I will record what happens when dinner is 3 minutes late
  • For $75, I will stop recording what happens when dinner is 3 minutes late
  • For $500, I will give the OLDMAN of your choice a bath
  • For $750, I will do so without wearing a full suit of armor
  • For $1,500, I will dress them in sweater vests and take pictures of them telling you to “FUCK OFF”
  • For $5,000, I will teach them an aria from favorite opera, which they will refuse to learn
  • For $10,000, they will crack the unsolved mathematical theorem of your choice, then refuse to share the answer

Thanks in advance for any and all donations, I really appreciate it.

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  • Colleen

    I donated because you are awesome and old cats are incredibly demanding!

    • SEK

      Much obliged!

  • Jhoosier

    Japan does not allow me to contribute, but I will attempt to find a way, when I’m sober

  • I donated $20. Can they annoy you twice as much?

  • BlueMonkeh

    dinner….3 minutes late.

  • BubbaDave

    Moneys sent. Waste none of it on food for the human…. wait, if SEK starves to death the OLDMAN CATS will have nobody to open their cans of food. OK, waste some of it on food for the human.

    • BubbaDave

      Also, I remember how expensive Razzle was toward the end (years living with renal failure, though what finally ended it was lung cancer). I’m lucky enough to work in IT and could afford it, but there were some months I spent more on her than on rent. Sympathy.

      • SEK

        That’s the exact boat I’m in — it’s k/d food from now on, otherwise they’re in pain, can’t use the litter box, etc. And yeah, it’s expensive. I’m just glad I’m in a position to help them out, because they’re fine — well, for them, they’re fine — when they have the right food.

        • BubbaDave

          Yeah, that was always my concern with her — “Is this going to give her better quality of life, or longer to deal with the pain?” But the answer for her was quality of life.

          She also got subcutaneous fluids 3x/week which she was not a fan of but she was so much perkier when she was getting the fluids regularly that I decided 90 minutes/week of unhappy cat was worth it for 166.5 hours of animated playful cat. Don’t know if that’s something you’ve tried with the boys (or something you’d be likely to survive) but there’s a lot of good info at Tanya’s.

          • SEK

            They don’t need the subcutaneous fluids — they eat the expensive wet food, they have the expensive water fountain, etc. — so they’re plenty hydrated.

            But yeah, I held on to my first two cats too long, this really wasn’t a situation like that. They’re fine so long as they’ve got what they need, it’s just a matter of continuing to be able to afford what they need. (I was considering becoming an Uber or Lyft driver, to be honest, in order to afford, when one of my co-bloggers here said I should do a proper donate-a-thon — and so far, it seems to be working. Yay!)

          • randy khan

            My mom’s last cat had the subcutaneous fluids for a couple of years, and it made a real difference in his quality of life.

          • Anna in PDX

            My cat Samantha was diagnosed by the vet a few years ago as dying from liver failure, she had lost so much weight she was just skin and bones. They told us we could try the subcutaneous fluids for a while – we did and she’s been fine ever since (we had to give them to her twice daily for a few weeks and then tapered off to once daily for another couple weeks then stopped entirely). She’s been really chipper ever since, it was like a miracle. In fact she became much more active than she’d been before and she now plays with our younger cats. She’s 15 now.

  • Ernie

    Tanya’s website really is an amazing resource — it’s been a constant point of reference for my wife and I since our eldest cat was diagnosed with kidney disease two and half years ago. In addition to a prescription diet, another treatment option that seems to have helped Smelly is Azodyl, a nutritional/probiotic supplement.

    • SEK

      They’re both on a few supplements — for their joints, their stomach, anti-hairball, and a vitamin — and are doing well on them. That said, bookmarking that site.

  • randy khan

    $10 because it’s not fair if only one of them gets to annoy you.

  • Ernie

    Which brand/flavor of prescription kidney diet do your cats prefer, Scott? We have an assortment of cans gathering dust that Smelly no longer recognizes as food (I swear he’d starve to death rather than eat another can of any of the Science Diet flavors, including those fancy stews). If we have something that you could use, I’d be happy to ship it to you rather than let it go to waste…

    • SEK

      The only one they consistently eat is Royal Canin Renal LP, but I have to switch it up once a week with Prescription Diet k/d or their taste buds acclimate (or something, who knows with those nerds).

      • Tyto

        It’s funny that way–every cat I have had but one just got tired of a food if you didn’t mix it up. The one was a real ascetic: plain-Jane Friskies, all the time, right to the end.

        Monies inbound for the codgers.

      • Ernie

        After having burned through just about every other available option, Royal Canin is our food of last resort (he really likes the morsels). We still have to stir in a little Fancy Feast most of the time, but fortunately it doesn’t take much. As for my offer, I’m sorry to say that I had a memory lapse — when I told my wife why I was rummaging around in the closet, she reminded me that she returned nearly all of the Science Diet to our local vet a couple of months ago. The few cans that are left wouldn’t be worth the trouble of mailing. Don’t I feel silly…

  • jnfr

    Feed cats. FEED.

  • catbutler

    I sympathize after spending around the equivalent of a new car on our last cat. Poor dude. I still miss him. But I was glad to kick in a bit to help. I really enjoy the oldman cat series by the way (along with most everything else).

  • Rich Webb

    OLDWOMANCAT LJ was prescribed the K/D foods and she absolutely abhors all of them, even the newer “stews” except, strangly, for the K/D dry food. Cats…

    Tanya’s site, mentioned above, is an excellent resource. Several of the Science Diet adult and mature adult options are pretty low in phosphorous and may be more palatable (at least OWC LJ thinks so).

    There’s also Hi Tor Neo (thanks, Amazon prime!) which is a tad higher in phosphorous than some other options but with low protein and high fat and OWC LJ actually seems to like it.

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