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Dynamic bass player available

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Is “Big Bottom” in G?

dynamic bass player

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  • Bitter Scribe

    I have the distinct feeling that this guy is not going to be overwhelmed with gigs.

    • Warren Terra

      Hope springs eternal!

      • Misha

        Sadly, “La primavera” is set in E Major.

    • My thoughts as well.

    • Lego My Eggo

      Uh, pretty sure this was a very clever shot at Nashville bass players in particular and the Nashville music scene in general.

      • Sherm

        I figured it was a shot at, or a joke at the expense of, some pain in the ass bass player this person has dealt with before. The sex offender bit is the clear giveaway.

        • Richard

          I think its a more generic joke about bass players in general. Just like all the drummer and banjo player jokes.

          • Jewish Steel

            Bingo.

            • Richard

              Like the old bass player joke:

              This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks “Wow, this is cool.” He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

              This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can’t sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

              When he gets there, he asks the manager, “Hey! What’s with these drums. Don’t they ever stop? I can’t get any sleep.”

              The manager says, “No! Drums must never stop. Drums must never stop.”

              “Why?”

              “When drums stop…bass solo begins.

              • This is exactly why there is always drumming in Africa. ;-)

              • Jewish Steel

                When I got to rehearsal the bass player and the drummer were pitched in battle. I separated them and said, “What on earth is the matter?”

                Panting, the bass player points at the drummer and says, “He turned one of my tuning keys and knocked my bass out of tune.”

                “So,” says I, “just retune.”

                “But he won’t tell me which one!”

                • How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

                  None. The piano player does that with his left hand.

          • Lego My Eggo

            My favorite music joke of all time remains:

            What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra?

            The bull has its horns up front and its asshole in the rear.

            • S_noe

              What’s the difference between a seamstress and a second violinist?

              The seamstress tucks the frills.

              • rea

                The devoted but inept last chair viola player of a small-town orchestra is granted three wishes by a genie. The frist wish is, “make me a better musician,” and with a puff of smoke, the viola player finds herself first chair.

                Liking this result, for her second wish, she tries again, “make me a better musician,” and with a puff of smoke, she finds herself first chair viola in the New York Philharmonic.

                Liking this result, for her third wish, she tries again, “make me a better musician.” With a puff of smoke, she finds herself back in her small-town orchestra, last chair in the second violins . . .

                • Anonymous

                  A bass player walks past a bar. It could happen!

                  My son said he wanted to grow up and be a bass player. I told him he couldn’t have it both ways.

                • S_noe

                  The conductor sees a fight going on between a violist and a percussionist. “What’s going on?”
                  The percussionist points at the violist. “He keeps hitting my timpani with his bow.”
                  The violist protests. “She started it! She detuned one of my strings and won’t tell me which one.”

                • What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

                  The viola is bigger.

                  No, it’s just the violinist’s head that makes it look that way.

              • Origami Isopod

                Why do violists spend so much time standing outside people’s houses?

                They can’t find the key and they don’t know where to come in.

  • Errr, this brings a whole new meaning to “dynamic”, to be sure.

    Wait. Is this Geddy Lee??????

  • cpinva

    since it’s dated 12-26-12, it would be interesting to find out if he’s gotten any jobs out it since then. i’m guessing there wasn’t a crowd at his front door.

  • witless chum

    Sure, maybe T.B. Player is a little weird and particular, but I’m sure he’s not so bad.

    “No gigs within 500 yards of schools, parks, or playgrounds.”

    Or maybe not.

    • Hogan

      I thought he hit bottom with “I charge $5 a mile for travel, and you have to pick me up and drive me home.” Then he went straight on to the earth’s molten core.

  • LeftWingFox

    Nice to see an artist who demands to be paid for his… lack of effort, poor planning and sex offences. *facepalm*

  • The 500 yards bit is great.

    • Sherm

      He forgot Chuck E. Cheese.

  • Uh, yeah, back and forth between G and D: that’s pretty fancy right there.

    • Lego My Eggo

      But he can do C, too, although it’s probably a bit of a stretch, requiring the use of an additional finger.

  • Sure, he’s not the most talented fellow, but he’ll blow you away with his lack of work ethic.

  • Last night I went bowling and afterwards grabbed a couple of beers with my friend. We were sitting in a downstairs bar while a band performed in the space above, the bleeding through of which was enough to obscure the other patrons’ conversations but not your own. Then suddenly, coming from across the bar at the conclusion of one song, was “. . . no matter what you do they call you a sex offender! It’s not like I’m a diddler! They’ll give it to you for anything!,” from the guy who’d previously come in and ordered the “cheapest beer.”

    • Anna in PDX

      That is a scary thing to overhear.

  • Sounds like Deaner from FUBAR

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIpD1kXDpWI

  • Captain Bringdown

    Am I the only one who thinks this person is joking? I think the “I can learn those notes for $30 each” is the giveaway.

    • Sherm

      No, you’re not.

      • Captain Bringdown

        It wouldn’t have been that much more obvious if he said he were a drummer who only plays in the key of G.

    • Am I the only one who thinks this person is joking?

      No.

      Load this one up.

  • penpen

    Jesus people every word of this is a blatant give away. Unless you are trolling with your ostensible credulity…

    • LeftWingFox

      You know what, there are enough clueless doofs in the world doing similar things to completely reject this sort of stupidity outright. I’ve read too many dead serious morons lately, and my irony meter is burnt the fuck out.

      • Sherm

        I’ve read too many dead serious morons lately

        Grading papers?

        • LeftWingFox

          Steubenville

          • Also “Dead Serious Morons” is a band name if I ever heard one

            • Lego My Eggo

              Alt-punk fer sher.

            • Loud Liberal

              Also “Dead Serious Morons” is a band name if I ever heard one

              Best post of the thread!

    • spencer

      Have you ever actually worked with musicians?

      • Loud Liberal

        Have you ever actually worked with musicians?

        Define work.

      • Sure I have; I used to be a line cook.

  • Malaclypse

    Am I really the first person to be surprised that Glenn Reynolds plays bass?

    • It wasn’t “sex robot schools”

    • UberMitch

      “Dynamic Spouse for Robot Available (Nashville (some restrictions))”

    • Origami Isopod

      +100

    • nemo

      And the thread is won.

    • Wow! I’m simply…I mean….wow. That might be the comment of the year!

    • Anna in PDX

      Oh boy, I was thinking the thread could not be as funny as the OP in this particular case, but looks like I was wrong!

    • “No gigs within 500 yards of factories producing microchips, servos, or artificial vaginas”

    • Manju

      i get it. its a solid burn. but it doesn’t strike me as a; “Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy” moment. Now this:

      Am I really the first person to be surprised that John Derbyshire plays bass?

      …i can see, since JD has said some creepy old man stuff about teenage girls.

      But what has GR done? And robots?

      • rea

        Oh, but Manju, it’s no joke–Reynolds really has been a bass player for several bands, as well as owning his own reecord company.

        • Manju

          oooooh. Now I get it. That is good, it pains me to say. Though dull-witted enemies are more painful.

  • So now bassists are held in lower esteem than child molesters? Ouch.

    • firefall

      not lower … not higher either.

    • What do you call a bass player in a three-piece suit?

      “The Defendant”

      • And the drummer in a three piece suit?

        “The Deceased”

  • sparks

    Hah, I saw this one at my bass forum, and it was much commented on. Funny thing is that in the last band I was in, my complaint was “Can’t we not have three songs in a row in G?” Also, I was the only one in the band who took music theory.

    • Lego My Eggo

      It used be A. I guess everyone tunes down these days.

    • ixnay

      A is a rock key, G is a cowboy key.

  • Bart

    Maybe this fellow is grossly obese.

  • calling all toasters

    Life is a series of footnotes to Mister Rogers Meets the Bass Player.

  • Captain C

    Response: “We would be happy to hire you under your conditions, provided you accept ours. We fine hired guns $5 per missed note or chord. We open the set with an extended version of “Giant Steps,” with some exotic substitutions of our own design.”

  • JustRuss

    I usually try to inject a little humor into my Craigslist posts, but I can’t touch that.

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