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Lame Theory

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If you think this is going to be a post skewering Eric Garland’s epic tweetstorm you’re wrong. I’m not going to bother. I never finished reading it. I’m inherently suspicious of any super-popular tweetstorm, and as I am not a student of history (and won’t be able to assess some tweets critically), I get scared that screeds like Garland’s will simply serve as an echo chamber for things I already think. I don’t have an opinion on his tweetstorm. I suspect he made some good points; I suspect he made some stupid ones as well, as humans are wont to do. I’d like to talk about Sam Kriss’ temper-tantrum about it instead.

If Clinton won, he said, he might not accept the legitimacy of the result, and people were horrified by this suggestion. Every principle of representative democracy seemed under threat and all because one jumped-up narcissist and his limp, frothing coterie couldn’t deal with not getting everything they ever wanted. Defeat, past or imminent, does strange things to people. They get desperate, they try to grab hold of any explanation that won’t incriminate themselves, they tear through their own skin looking for stab wounds in the back. It’s understandable.

(Italics by moi.) Physician, heal thy fucking self.

So it’s strange, but not surprising, that so many people would sing the praises of Garland’s masterpiece, because it is absolutely the worst piece of political writing ever inflicted on any public in human history.

I bet it is. If you’ve never read anything by Sam Kriss.

It’s possible that the Democratic National Committee leaks were caused by Russian hackers—but given that the hack took place thanks to John Podesta clicking on a link in a phishing email, displaying all the technological savvy of someone’s aunt extremely excited by the new iPhone she thinks she’s won, it could have been anyone.

Says hacking expert, Sam Kriss. Also, Podesta is bad at computers–LULZ!

Countries sometimes try to exert influence in each other’s internal affairs; it’s part of great-power politics, and it’s been happening for a very long time. When Americans meddled in Russia’s elections, it was by securing victory for Boris Yeltsin, Russia’s very own Donald Trump, a man who had sent in tanks to shell his own parliament. Leaked cables suggest that Hillary Clinton’s own State Department interfered with the political process in Haiti by suppressing a rise in the minimum wage. And American involvement in the politics of Chile, Guatemala, Indonesia, and Iran was mostly through military coups, sponsored by none other than the CIA.

Shorter Sam Kriss (and the whole Ironic Left crew): CIA has acted poorly in the past, therefore it’s cool if Russia helped get a proto-fascist elected.

It wasn’t the Russians who told the Democratic Party to abandon the working-class people of all races who used to form its electoral base.

I don’t know how they were abandoned. There’s footage of Hillary Clinton talking about jobs again and again. And isn’t it weird how there was only *one* race who didn’t hear her? Are white, working class ears unable to hear the frequency of Clinton’s voice? If so, we should do something about that immediately.

 

It wasn’t the Russians who decided to run a presidential campaign that offered people nothing but blackmail—“vote for us or Dangerous Donald wins.”

And Dangerous Donald did win. I’m sure he’ll be GREAT for those white, working class voters, though.

The Russians didn’t come up with awful tin-eared catchphrases like “I’m with her”

Why it’s tin-eared is a mystery to me, and Kriss doesn’t bother to explain.  But perhaps as an establishment liberal (somehow), living in my ivory tower in Tuscon, Arizona, I’m unaware that white, working class voters have a longstanding and understandable fear of cooties.

 

The Russians never ordered the DNC to run one of the most widely despised people in the country, simply because she thought it was her turn.

No, but they may have stacked the deck for a widely-despised man who still lost the popular vote by 3 milllion.

 

What the Russia obsession represents is a massive ethical failure on the part of American liberals. People really will suffer under President Trump—women, queer people, Muslims, poor people of every stripe. But so many in the centrist establishment don’t seem to care.

Correct. We didn’t care. Which is why we voted for Donald Trump, Gary Johnson and Jill Stein? Oh no wait, we didn’t do that. You did. And you counted on the white, working class voters you profess to care so much about to cover your asses while you cast your vanity votes. You know what, Sam Kriss? FUCK YOU. This shit is on YOU and your ilk. Also, anyone who coins the term “Alt-center” should quit freebasing smugness.

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