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Pregnant with Beyonce’s Sexy Baby

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Hi. My name is bspencer and I’d like to make you think about Bill O’Reilly’s erect penis. Before you thank me, let me explain: ┬áBill O’Reilly has done a lot–and I mean A LOT–of (hands on) research and he’s correctly come to the conclusion that Beyonce videos make teen girls pregnant.

OK, I want to get you caught up. Did you know that Bill O’Reilly has a huge boner for freaky obsession with Beyonce? Well, he does. In fact, if I were Beyonce I’d get a restraining order tout suite. ANYHOO, falafel-shaped erection aside, I think Bill is really on to something here.

I’m gonna lay some facts on you now. Hope you’re ready to have your mind blown:

  1. FACT: Beyonce is black.
  2. FACT: Beyonce makes sexy videos, and is the only artist to ever to make sexy videos.
  3. FACT: Beyonce’s fans are all black. That’s right, she has no white fans, which is news to her millions of white fans.
  4. FACT: You are not, in fact, ready for this jelly.

It’s beautiful that in the year 2014 we’re talking about Elvis Presley’s scandalous hip-wriggling. I mean, rock and blues and all their children have been with us for a long time now. And I don’t know how it is that Bill O’Reilly just learned that a lot of music is about love/relationships/sex and the intersection of these things.

Beyonce is one of many extremely attractive young performers who (I hope) enjoys trading on her sex appeal for money and attention; I’m not quite sure why she deserves to be singled out, but I’m sure it has nothing to do with her skin color.

But beyond this there’s the fact that Beyonce is a successful entrepreneur, married woman and mother. Things Billo would find admirable in other women, presumably.

I don’t know where the hell this intersection of racism and prudery comes from, but I have a suspicion it comes right from his ass. One hopes there’s still room for him to shove it right back in there, even though I’m sure his head is taking up a lot of space.

 

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