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“I’m Not the Girl with the Apples Growing Out of Her Head” is What I Would Have Said

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LGM: Platinum Edition

Well, it’s official: I’m official. I’m now a rich and famous artist and can bid all you chumps adieu.

But it’s not all cocaine and hookers for me; I also suffered a loss. I was robbed of a great joke by the jerks who are hosting my art.

See, the store owners asked for a picture they could put alongside my artist’s bio, and I sent them one. I checked the page obsessively after that, as my need for attention and validation knows no bounds…only to find they’d put a picture of one of my pieces up in place of–temporarily–my bio picture. At first, I was like “Well, maybe they thought my ugly mug would drive away business.” But about a nanosecond after that, I was like “This is going to be an LGM post. Somehow.” And, so, long story short, I was going to direct you to the page, then assure you all that I do not have apples growing out of my head. And then we all would have laughed– a sustained, healing laugh that would have made the world a better place.  Alas, there will be no laughter, only bitter tears wept for a joke untold.

ANYHOO, if you’ve got a few hundred bucks burning a hole in your pocket, The Crabby Lion people–who are actually really really lovely–have said they’re willing to ship. If you don’t have a few hundred bucks to spare, I’ll just assume it’s Obama’s fault and join the Tea Party. I’m not saying this will be on your heads, but I’m not NOT saying it.

 

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