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One day, I’d love to be paid to stare at stuff and have opinions about it again

[ 14 ] August 26, 2016 |

Salon started a new “Look Again” feature, in which staff take another look at all the photographs that fly across the wires daily. I’m going to be a Friday contributor, and here’s my first go at it.

Well, some of it, at least. Y’all know me — I don’t know when to shut up. The complete blather I wrote to accompany my photograph is below the fold. (I’d include the photograph itself, but we don’t have that subscription and Farley would kill me if I got us sued by Reuters.)

Read more…

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OLDMAN MUND IS SO [BLEEPING] BUFF

[ 7 ] August 24, 2016 |

OLDMAN MUND: I SO FUCKING BUFF I DO CROSSFOOT

SEK: You mean CrossFit?

OLDMAN MUND: CROSSFOOT MAKE ME SO FUCKING BUFF

SEK: You don’t do CrossFit — but you’re annoying as people who do, so there’s that.

OLDMAN MUND: FUCK YEAH I DO CROSSFOOT I DO IT RIGHT NOW

SEK: That’s not CrossFit — that’s you crossing your feet.

OLDMAN MUND: FUCK YEAH I CROSSFOOT

SEK: Why do you even —

OLDMAN MUND: I SO FUCKING BUFF

SEK: No, you’re old and feeble, so you cross your feet when you walk and —

OLDMAN MUND: CROSSFOOT MOTHERFUCKER SO FUCKING BUFF

SEK: I’m gonna let you have this.

OLDMAN MUND: LIKE YOU HAVE CHOICE I WILL CROSSFUCK YOU UP

SEK: That’s not even a —

OLDMAN MUND: YOU SHUT UP NOW I GO BE FUCKING BUFF OVER HERE

The complete OLDMAN CAT is available here. I’ll try to be better about cross-posting them, lest someone crossfuck me up.

Inspiration is inspiring and inspirational

[ 47 ] August 24, 2016 |

Since this is the Land of All Internet Traditions and it’s possible y’all need this as much as I do, here is your morning inspirational:

LEMONS

Now go out there and dominate All The Things, you beautiful fools.

If you haven’t watched the first full-length “Luke Cage” trailer…

[ 38 ] August 9, 2016 |

luke cage
stop what you’re doing and do so. See that hoodie he’s got on? It’s not a coincidence.

Also, expect more posts from me soon, as I adjust to my new role in the culture department and Internet curation business. And more OLDMAN CAT — because people tolerate me, but love my elderly kittens.

If you watch Mr. Robot, you’re about as empowered as this baby

[ 5 ] August 3, 2016 |

mr04

At least according to me.

Who wants to pick a fight with George Takei over the future of queerness in science fiction?

[ 137 ] July 13, 2016 |

takei-cho-02-614x412
Apparently, the answer is “I do!” — with a very welcome assist from the inestimable Adam Roberts, who I compliment in the hope that one day he’ll stop killing me in his novels. (He’s already informed me I die again in his next.)

Anatomy of an iconic image — or, SEK’s doing visual rhetoric again

[ 55 ] July 11, 2016 |

usa-police-protests

My job description shifted a little in the past week — no more waking up at 3 a.m. and watching Fox News for eight hours — and so now I’ll be writing more like this.

I’d include the image I’m breaking down, but Erik used it below and it’d look a little odd to have it crop up twice in two hours on the front-page.

(EDITED: I stole it from Erik now. Actual credit goes to Jonathan Bachman/Reuters.)

THE MOFONGO INCIDENT

[ 13 ] July 8, 2016 |

OLDMAN VIRGIL: FINALLY YOU MAKE ME MY MOFONGO

SEK: I’m making me mofongo.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: I AM PUERTO RICAN GIVE ME MY MOFONGO

SEK: You’re from Mississippi, you’re not —

OLDMAN VIRGIL: PUT SHRIMP IN MY MOFONGO

SEK: Get out of the kitchen.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: PUT PIG IN MY MOFONGO

SEK: Knock it off.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: PUT MORE PIG IN MY MOFONGO

SEK: Do not hop on the counter.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: [hops on counter] I AM PUERTO RICAN GIVE ME MY MOFONGO

SEK: [tosses OLDMAN VIRGIL out of the kitchen]

OLDMAN VIRGIL: [from the library] I AM PUERTO RICAN GIVE ME MY MOFONGO

SEK: Shut up!

OLDMAN VIRGIL: I AM PUERTO RICAN GIVE ME MY MOFONGO

SEK: [hears crashing in the library]

OLDMAN VIRGIL: WHAT I DON’T KNOW BEATS ME I DIDN’T DO IT

SEK: I didn’t say anything. I think I preferred it when you couldn’t jump quite so

OLDMAN VIRGIL: TAKE THAT BACK YOU DON’T MEAN IT

SEK: You’re right, I’m sorry, that was awful of me to even —

OLDMAN VIRGIL: STOP YOUR WORDS APOLOGIZE WITH MY MOFONGO

Dear Internet Detectives,

[ 156 ] July 6, 2016 |

Please just stop. It’s abundantly clear where my sympathies rest on this issue, but everyone needs to stop scrutinizing low-quality cell-phone videos and determining, definitively-to-their-mind, whether Alton Sterling did or did not have a gun.

The problems are larger than this incident and whether he had a gun or was only thought to by the officers — the problems are systemic. If he turns out to have had a gun, conservatives will crow about “the convicted sex offender who resisted arrest while armed and got what he deserved,” and dismiss the need for any larger issue to be addressed.

And then we lose.

So stop playing Internet Detective with insufficient evidence and base your argument on the fact that because Sterling was SUSPECTED of having a gun, he was slammed to the ground, held down, and shot dead — whereas Dylann Roof, the Charleston church shooter, was KNOWN to have murdered multiple innocent parishioners and pulled over, escorted to Burger King in a bullet-proof vest, and is currently receiving the due process supposedly guaranteed to every American.

A Fourth of July Wish from SEK

[ 17 ] July 4, 2016 |

13494989_10208499460736327_5299824705105532966_n

Dear America,

Happy birthday! Now act your fucking age and stop flirting with fascists.

 

ONE IF BY LAND TWO IF BY GOP

[ 13 ] July 3, 2016 |

OLDMAN VIRGIL: THE REPUBLICANS ARE COMING THE REPUBLICANS ARE COMING

SEK: Those are just fireworks.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: NO THEY ARE NOT ONE IF BY LAND TWO IF BY GOP

SEK: One what if by —

OLDMAN VIRGIL: WHITE PEOPLE IN RED HATS MARCHING DOWN THE STREET WITH GUNS

SEK: I see no guns, it’s just fire — Jesus Christ, it is white people in red hats.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: AS OLD BLACK MAN CAT I AM AFRAID

SEK: I don’t think they’re Trump supporters, I think —

OLDMAN VIRGIL: THEY HAVE COME TO MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN

SEK: At least your brother will be safe.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: THIS IS NO TIME TO JOKE WHERE IS THE SECRET STAIRCASE

SEK: Right behind the shelf of Holocaust literature.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: I WILL SEE YOU AFTER THE PATRIOTS LEAVE

SEK: I think it’s just a church group.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: THAT IS HOW IT BEGINS

I GOT YOU

[ 16 ] June 29, 2016 |

OLDMAN MUND: I GOT YOU

SEK: You got me how?

OLDMAN MUND: TOTALLY GOT

SEK: How so?

OLDMAN MUND: COMPLETELY GOTTEN

SEK: Should I be worried?

OLDMAN MUND: PEED ALL OVER IT

SEK: Jesus Christ — peed all over what?

OLDMAN MUND: YOUR ROUND PAPER

SEK: My “round paper”?

OLDMAN MUND: PEED ALL OVER YOUR ROUND PAPER

SEK: Whereabouts?

OLDMAN MUND: THE ROOM I’M NOT ALLOWED IN FUCK YOU

SEK: The bathroom?

OLDMAN MUND: THE MOTHERFUCKING BATHROOM

SEK: You peed all over my “round paper” in the bathroom?

OLDMAN MUND: ALL OVER IT

SEK: So I need to buy more toilet paper?

OLDMAN MUND: I FUCKED THAT SHIT UP

SEK: You would be so be disappointed, if only you knew…

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