A Plea For Civil Discourse
By 
As the WHCA tries to pick up the pieces from Michelle Wolf’s destruction of civil discourse in America and decide which unthreatening hack will be featured in next year’s gross smarmfest celebration of the First Amendment, here’s a draft of a routine that would represent a re-commitment to the standards of civility the WHCD should be dedicated to upholding:
I see Fox News in the back, which is a failing pile of garbage and the enemy of the American people. I never watch Sean Hannity, who I once called “the dumbest man on television!”
A few members of the Trump cabinet showed up this year, such as Liddle Jeff Sessions, who lied to Congress under oath. He is an untruthful slimeball. And there’s Mike Pence, who is weak, both physically and mentally. Don’t threaten gay people, Mike!
I’m so glad to see the Trump family represented. Let’s see, there’s Crooked Don Jr., who embarrassed himself and the country with his email lies. I refuse to call Ivanka Trump a bimbo, because that is not politically correct. And let’s not forget Eric, who should be forced to take an IQ test. Not very bright.
As for the First Lady, I did try and fuck Melania. She was married. I moved on her like a bitch. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
That’s more like it!
By the way, to borrow a point from Atrios it’s always hilarious when D.C. insiders pretend to be shocked that people swear. (The bad faith will go to 11 if Gillibrand becomes a serious candidate for the Democratic nomination.) But this — from Mike Allen, natch — is the Platonic ideal of the form:
She made several uses of a vulgarity that begins with “p,” in an audience filled with Washington officials, top journalists and a few baseball legends (Brooks Robinson, Tony La Russa and Dennis Eckersley).
Vulgar language IN FRONT OF BASEBALL LEGENDS! Well I never! [faints] Ah, fuckshit.
Below: Brooks Robinson’s longtime manager engages in the kind of polite, civilized discourse a vulgarian like Michelle Wolf simply cannot comprehend.