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Friday Odds and Ends: I Want to Live


Last night I made some good old-fashioned spaghetti and meatballs. What was your last culinary success? Vegetarian and vegan recipes welcome welcome welcome.

David Brooks weighed in on the Google manifestbro and you’ll never guess what happened next! (Just kidding, I bet you nailed it as soon as you read the previous sentence.)

It’s come to this: wingnuts are now triggered by the Statue of Liberty:

There is a twitter tradition of dunking on the Olympic-grade-level-stupid Tomi Lahren by purposely misnaming her. There are only 2 rules involved in partaking of this rich and deeply patriotic tradition: the first name  must start with a “t” and the second must start with an “l.” Both should be more than one syllable. My favorite to this day remains “Toyota Lasagna.” I’m incredibly depressed because at any minute our doll-handed president might get us all killed. Basically  the only thing that comforts me these days is misnaming Torvald Letterpress. So won’t you join me in making up your own Tomi Lahren name? It will give me something to treasure as I await our imminent doom.

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  • Aaron Baker

    Torvald Ladyfinger?

  • JohnnyGetYourGum

    Tommy Lasorda.

  • Aaron Baker

    Tithonus Lumpenprole?

  • Origami Isopod

    Titus Limbaughnicus.

  • creature

    Making a pizza (actually two!). Since the wife and kids are afflicted with the celiac, I make a mean-ass thin-cracker-crust-style crust outta 2 1/2 cups of Namaste flour (unless MrsCreature makes up a load of flour mix), 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp sugar (that good Mexican stuff), 1 tbsp yeast, 1 1/2 tsp xanthan gum, 1 egg, 1 tsp garlic powder, 1 tsp whatever Italian spice mix I got laying around- unless I get motivated to blend my own (thyme, rosemary, basil, a variety of peppers, maybe cilantro), 1/4 cup o’ olive oil (the really good stuff- usually Israeli kosher), 1 1/2 cup warm water- beat it up in the KitchenAid for a few minutes. Spread it out on two 12″ pizza pans (lightly oiled!), let it rise for about 30 min- or until you remember that you’ve got dough rising (after trying to maintain detente between the 3-year old and the 6- year old). Bake for 10 minutes @ 425*- and no more than that! Pull out and slather on this sauce- a carton of brutalised Italian tomatos, in this (while it’s heating) make up a batch of thyme, basil, a pepper (your choice, heatwise), garlic (as many cloves as you think you need), a splash of Marsala, a splash of olive oil, a kinda small/medium carrot, some onion (if so inclined)- throw this in your favourite food torture machine, with a bit of the tomato sauce, beat the hell out of it, until it looks ‘cool’, throw this in the rest of the tomato sauce, low heat until its thick enough (you’ll know when!), coat with your favourite cheese blend (grind it yourself, slacker!- or get the convenient pre-packaged stuff, even ‘worse’ slacker!). Top
    with your most desired stuff- mushrooms, onions, anchovies (don’t hate, lightweights!), or anything- except pork stuff (no trayf!), or the dreaded pineapple chunks. Bake the whole lot for 13-15 minutes (depends on how much cheese you get away with loading on it!). Slice, eat, enjoy- see if you can leave any for snacks (just kidding!)

  • Micheál Keane

    PPP is going to poll favorability of the Statue of Liberty in their next national poll.


  • WhereOffenseHappens

    Toni LaRussa

  • Nubby

    Titus Landromedon

  • Twitchy Liar
    Total Loser

  • Toby Labrador
    Troma LARPing
    Tomy Lehrer
    Tapioca Leotard

  • DrS

    I got so burned out on cooking after doing it nearly daily for so many years. My latest cooking triumph was on a recent camping trip, a NY strip and grilled corn on the cob. It came out fantastically, I was happy that I could still time it out right.

    Tüchus Lobsterroll

  • Andy

    Toaster Leavin’s

  • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

    Tomaine Larva

  • DrS

    I just want to give a shoutout to Azealia Banks who pioneered this form of insult with “Igloo Australia”. That one still gets me.

  • namekarB

    To-my Lobotomy

    • Synykyl

      Trya Lobotomy

  • arangalanga

    Tangy Leader? No, wait, I’ll come in again.

    • arangalanga

      Tonsil Larder!

      • arangalanga

        Thorny Loser

  • BiloSagdiyev

    Tomi Liefenstahl got some good twitter kickback, examples here:


    My first thought was, “Haven’t they always had some exercises for young recruits to do, to remedy such deficiencies? Also, what are the odds she knows what large numbers of southern draftees in WWII were turned away because of the effects of malnutrition?”

    My third thought someobdy else has already told her: Go enlist. Twenty-five years old. Go join the Marines and get back to us about the absence of any sexual harassment problems and how pullups are totes easy.

    Or, go fuck yourself, for all I care.

    • slavdude

      I heard a story on NPR a couple weeks ago about this. North Carolina was the first state to push for universal health care after World War II because so many Tarheels were rejected by the military on grounds of poor health.

    • BigHank53

      That’s where the school lunch programs came from, too. That evil, horrible nanny state wanted to destroy families by making sure there would be enough soldiers to fight off the communist hordes.

  • angryantifascist

    Tomaine listeria

  • BearWithPreExistingVotes

    Truculent Lollygagger
    Tendentious Lipgloss
    Toilet Launcher

  • PohranicniStraze

    Toilet Leakage
    Thomyum Lutefisk (worst fusion EVER!)
    Tragically Lobotomized

    • DAS

      I’d try Thomyum Lutefisk.

  • Brownian
    • BiloSagdiyev

      On her head?

  • also made a stuffed sketti squash, last week.

    get a smallish spaghetti squash, cut it in half lengthwise, clean out the seeds. microwave it cut side down until cooked (7 minutes on high, in my microwave). simmer some leftover roast chicken with onion, garlic, tomato paste, cumin, a minced chipotle, salt, etc. until everything is tender and tastes so good you could just eat it out of the pan. put that in the bottom of each of the squash halves. black beans on top of that, some cooked rice if you have it – whatever you want. put lots of pepper jack & cheddar on top of that. bake them until the cheese is bubbly.


  • Green chili stew. Lotsa hotsa.
    Here’s a good version.

  • Hypersphrericalcow

    I made a tasty omelette with cheddar cheese and diced red bell peppers.

    And I see that plenty of other people have beaten me to names involving “loser”, so how about “Tonal Laceration”, which is what happens to my ears after hearing her.

  • otherjimintampa

    Tonsorial Layering

  • Cheap Wino

    Truth Leech

  • uykhvasdrvtjyku

    As I watch millennial men struggle to lift their bags into the overhead bin I am reminded how f’d we are if there’s a draft.

    Well, at least they aren’t girls.

  • awarre

    It’s supposed to finally be a bit cooler this weekend, so I’m going to try making cinnamon rolls from scratch. Not much of a baker, so I’m little weary but excited.

  • also made sourdough baguettes last weekend.

    they came out great. but i made six. and they’re inedible after 36 hours (they dry out so fast). so i had to throw half of them away.

  • majeff

    Recently, the BF got me the America’s Test Kitchen grilling book. (I got a Weber kettle grill earlier this summer.)

    The chicken diavolo recipe is surprisingly good, and we did some grilled corn alongside it. For the corn, we mixed up butter with minced rosemary, parsley, and lime zest. Also took a jalapeño, minced half raw and grilled/peeled/minced the other half before mixing both into the corn butter. Really, really good.

  • Phil Koop

    Tumour Laden.

    My favourite fast meal is pasta with tuna and pesto sauce. If you insist, you can make up the sauce before hand, but I don’t bother. I like to use walnuts instead of pine nuts, walnut oil instead of olive oil as the base, and finish with a little truffle oil

  • Technocrat

    I mean, it’s cool if these young men get conscripted. It sucks that they will need extra PT.

    What is the inside of her head like?

    • brucej

      Apparently empty, and unaware of the fact that her little ass would get drafted too, since women have no restrictions on serving in combat any more.

      • BiloSagdiyev

        The pedantmobile screeches to a halt. “Excuse me! Only males are required to register for Selective Service!”, the driver politely shouts.

        This could change, but I doubt it will any time soon.

  • Turkey Lurkey?

  • Robbert

    My last culinary success… Well, I made a shepherd’s pie the other day that had my daughter go “WHOA! WHOOOAAAAAAAAA!” all the way through dinner. I call that a success. Mind you, she’s only 14 months old, she’s not particularly snobbish about food just yet.

  • Nubby

    Tammi Littlenut

  • brucej

    A big ol pot of spaghetti sauce, mostly stolen from a Mario Batali recipe

    brown ~1lb hamburger, drain most of the fat
    two big chopped onions.
    about ½ head (or more) garlic minced
    2 finely diced carrots
    about a tsp anchovy filets in oil
    cook until translucent

    add 1-1½ lb sliced mushrooms

    cook a while until mushrooms are kinda done

    1T dried oregano
    1T dried basil
    ½ t fennel seeds ground in a mortar/pestle, or ground fennel seeds

    1 can san marzano style tomatoes, crushed diced or ground
    2-3 cans tomato sauce
    1 can tomato paste
    about 2 c red wine

    simmer for about 45 min to an hour, serve over pasta.

  • Unemployed_Northeastern
    • Hogan

      Wow. Imagine getting your ass kicked by Chelsea Handler in a political debate. (And I like Chelsea Handler.)

  • N__B

    Here’s an odd and/or end: hobo symbols for freelancers: https://twitter.com/A_McDo/status/895716893788471296

  • Bugboy

    Excuse me, but isn’t Trailertrash Lolita a bit young to be doing the “Kids these days!” thing?

    • Some are born cranks, some have crankiness thrust upon them.

  • Synykyl

    Tawdry Lemur

  • bekabot

    As I watch millennial men struggle to lift their bags into the overhead bin I am reminded how f’d we are if there’s a draft.

    When the Great Comeuppance arrives I hope the pissed-off young men whose loyalties oscillate between Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump remember that Threepenny Lorelei made fun of them and that I didn’t.

  • JamesWimberley

    For a complete LGM stir-fry, all this thread is missing is a shouting match about an NFL scandal. Also emails.

  • BiloSagdiyev

    Tallulah Lunkhead.

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