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The tRump presidency – Dorkness Falls

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How many White House aides does it take to turn on a light bulb? is not the setup to a joke, it is yet another reminder to ignore anyone who claims Napoleorange and his staff are super genius evil masterminds.

Aides confer in the dark because they cannot figure out how to operate the light switches in the cabinet room. Visitors conclude their meetings and then wander around, testing doorknobs until finding one that leads to an exit.

“Questa maledetta porta si blocca, si blocca comunque diavolo lo faccio…”

 

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  • sigaba

    I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

  • Snarki, child of Loki

    So, Trump is ripping out Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden, and growing mushrooms in the East Wing?

    Sounds plausible. Plenty of bullshit in there now.

    • DrDick

      Already knee deep.

    • BiloSagdiyev

      So, Trump is ripping out Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden

      More like spraying herbicide all over it. I spent the past eight years waiting for some irate crank to hop the White House fance and try to spray pesticides and herbicides on her garden because fk libruhls.

  • jim, some guy in iowa

    better to curse the candle I guess

    • alexceres

      Can’t wait for these super geniuses to burn themselves down. Fire regulations are the boot of nazi librul mommy state communist immigrants

  • PotemkinMetropolitanRegion

    I read some right winger actually blame Obama’s staff as being petty/vindictive for not teaching these crack operatives how the lights work.

    • Owlbear1

      Thanks, Obama.

    • rea

      I’m surprised they aren’t accusing the Obama staff of stealing all the “T”s from the White House keyboards.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      You kidding? I wouldn’t be so nice.

      I’d have GASLIGHTED them.

      “Okay, you want lights tomorrow? Open up the valves tonight. They’re old, it takes a while for them to light you up”

      • Well, they’ve spent the last year and a half gaslighting the country, so it’s only a fair response.

    • It is out of respect for those on his staff who are members of vampire religious traditions. Trump should be praised rather than mocked for his sensitivity to minority religious practices.

      • efgoldman

        It is out of respect for those on his staff who are members of vampire religious traditions.

        Mozart FTW

      • q-tip

        Or just google “Dark Enlightenment”

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        Odd, I haven’t seen Pence’s daughter hanging around the Whitehouse.

        But then I guess that’s the way it works, isn’t it?

  • addicted44

    Link?

    • The Great God Pan
      • bender

        “. . . this is what it looks like. It’s going to be a little sloppy, there are going to be conflicts,” said Ari Fleischer, President George W. Bush’s first press secretary.” This is very reminiscent of comments Rumsfeld made during the early weeks of the Iraq occupation.

        I thought the most important information in this story was that Priebus and Bannon are making rational adjustments in how they do their jobs. In Priebus’ case, this is good news. Bannon getting savvier about working with congressional leaders isn’t good news at all.

        I wonder who told Trump about Andrew Jackson.

        • efgoldman

          I wonder who told Trump about Andrew Jackson.

          “Yeah, I remember Jackson. Yoohge, great player; he won so much. Hit all those home runs in September….”

  • Owlbear1

    Only the best on the Putinfluffer Transition team!

    Top. Notch. People.

    • Rob in CT

      Top. Men.

      • DrDick

        No bottoms allowed!

  • delazeur

    I’m still not sure whether to take this literally or metaphorically.

    • so-in-so

      Metaphorically, it doesn’t matter if they find the light switches. They’ll still be meeting “in the dark”.

      • Sunlight is the greatest disinfectant. The light of day is their greatest fear.

    • sigaba

      Take it seriously, not literally.

  • The Great God Pan

    This is my other favorite excerpt from that article:

    [Trump] will linger on the opulence of the newly hung golden drapes, which he told a recent visitor were once used by Franklin D. Roosevelt but in fact were patterned by Bill Clinton. For a man who sometimes has trouble concentrating on policy memos, Mr. Trump was delighted to page through a book that offered him 17 window covering options.

    This stuff reads best in the full context of the article because it’s ostensibly a straight news piece but with these catty asides just dropped in.

    • Murc

      In another world, Trump is a modestly successful interior decorator catering to the nouveau riche.

      • davidsmcwilliams

        It’s the same world where Hitler is a landscape painter, right?

        • Murc

          In fact in that timeline, Trump is a real huge fan of this obscure German painter for nebulous reasons. There’s just something that draws him to the paintings. He feels like they speak to him. Plus they really tie a room together.

          Trump is also perpetually annoyed that Google returns some e-sports player as the top result for his name instead of himself.

    • q-tip

      This stuff reads best in the full context of the article because it’s ostensibly a straight news piece but with these catty asides just dropped in.

      I’ll probably never fully give up hope in the New York Times’ capacity for goodness because of just this kind of stuff. Calling Meat Loaf “Mr. Loaf,” and so on.

      (Turns out that last bit is too good to be true, but “Mr. Shinehead” would’ve been a bit obscure: http://jimromenesko.com/2012/10/29/youre-wrong-meat-loaf-new-york-times-has-never-referred-to-you-as-mr-loaf-in-a-story/)

      • lizzie

        I mean, here I am living in a totalitarian nightmare, and then you gotta go and take the “Mr. Loaf” story away from me? C’mon, man.

  • J—

    Aides confer in the dark because they cannot figure out how to operate the light switches in the cabinet room.

    This may be for the best. Do you want to see Trump in his after-dinner attire?

  • cdevine

    “With both hands and a flashlight” springs to mind …

  • Ramon A. Clef

    If they can’t turn the lights on, they are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

    • There are some things no grue will touch.

      Also, too, I’m fairly sure that as of the turn of the Zorkian millenium, grue is out, bleen is in.

  • ΧΤΠΔ

    Jezebel posted this story this week and there was a broad consensus that this was the result of a prank pulled by Obama & Biden on the way out.

    That said, still fucking hilarious.

    • Owlbear1

      They re-programmed the Eco-Friendly Energy-Saver Computer Control system in the basement to only let the lights & outlets be powered from 10pm to 4am while the cleaning staff works.

      That’s what I would have done given the opportunity…

  • Murc

    What’s weird is… a lot of the White House staff, by which I mean the domestic staff, they’re permanent, right? They don’t bring in new people every four years? Indeed, I seem to recall reading that many of the positions are damn near hereditary.

    Shouldn’t the people who clean the floors and cook the food and wipe the windows be able to tell them or show them how to do this stuff? Like, that “dark conference room” thing. Someone dusts and vacuums that thing and polishes the table every day, because this is the White House. You can bet your boots they don’t do that in the dark. Wouldn’t they know where the lights are?

    • The Great God Pan

      “Actually, the switch is just–”

      “Silence, peasant! Speak when spoken to! Now leave us titans be while we figure out Obummer’s fiendishly clever socialist lighting system with our big, capitalist brains…”

    • Warren Terra

      A former Obama staffer tweeted that, unsurprisingly, the lightswitch is next to the doorframe.

      I don’t really understand this story – anyone capable of dressing themselves can find a damned lightswitch. Although it’s far from impossible that these people are too pompous to use a lightswitch themselves. I’ve seen rooms full of people who refuse to be the first to get up and flip the lightswitch when needed because an LCD projector is being used / no longer being used.

      • DrDick

        anyone capable of dressing themselves

        Assumes facts not in evidence.

      • Murc

        Like all other things authoritarian, that’s always projection.

        There are people who refuse to do menial work because they know precisely what they think of anyone who does menial work, i.e not much. It’s like when you get a pack of high-flying business executives in the same room without an intern; nobody has any coffee, because none of them want to be the one to make coffee even though there’s a Keurig right in the corner, because they know what they think of the sort of person who makes coffee for the group.

      • efgoldman

        I don’t really understand this story – anyone capable of dressing themselves can find a damned lightswitch.

        I wonder: Aren’t most of the WH staff melanin-enhanced? Mandarin Malignancy and his merry band can’t even see them, let alone ask them for information.

  • John F

    Just a random thought, the crap that Trump’s WH has been spewing is the same crap that’s been emanating from the RW fever swamps for decades, the same crap “non fever swamp” RWers have been alluding to for decades as they pander to the racist morons.

    The MSM is finally starting to call the RWers on this crap, which is good, and it drives Trump nuts…

    but they should have been doing their effing job and calling the RWers on such crap all along.

    • Yes. This why I feel a bit ragey when the NYT responds to TrumperTantrums by boasting about its rising subscriber rates. It’s not unlike an arsonist bragging about all of the people who came to look at the fire he set.

      • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

        They knew all along “ZOMG Donald Trump iz preznit you gize” would be the clickiest outcome of all, hence all of the Hillary “troubling clouds of shadowy questions.” I feel very deeply we need to stop rewarding that kind of thinking with clicks of any kind.

    • liberal

      No! That wouldn't be "objective"!

  • DrDick

    Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Nobody knows since they cannot figure out where they are.

    • Warren Terra

      A. It’s unknowable because liberal earth-huggers banned the real lightbulbs.

      • J—

        A: One and only one. Trump said, “I alone can fix it.”

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        “A. It’s unknowable because liberal earth-huggers banned the real lightbulbs.”

        True fact: while standard incandescent bulbs are indeed banned, incandescent bulbs with left-handed threads are still allowed!

        This prove that it’s a liberal plot, doesn’t it? Think the ‘wingers will ever catch on?

    • Well, you need one Goldman-Sachs exec to sell the $20m bulb to you, then you need some crazy has-been politician/pundit to screw the bulb in, then you need a few thousand Nazis and Russian trollbots to tweet about making light bulbs great again, and then you need Vladimir Putin so Trump can call him afterwards to thank him.

  • kg

    someone switched out the sweet yes song. the conspiracy runs deep, sheeple!

  • AlexRobinson

    Thank you for the Graham Parker tune

    • BiloSagdiyev

      Same here.

      Just listened to it for a second time, noticed the background vocals… hey… fuzzy memory…. consult the googler… ah yes, Bruce Springsteen! Wikipedia also tells me that Danny Federici did organs on this album.

  • efgoldman

    “Hey, restricting work to daylight hours was good enough for Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln….”

  • e.a.foster

    couldn’t they just ask a White House Staffer, who has worked in the building for years where the light switches are? Oh, right most of those working in the White House are men and they’d rather be lost than ask for directions. We can see how this is going to work out,.

  • BiloSagdiyev

    For a brief moment I was feeling charitable, thought, “Hey, it’s a new building to them, they’ve got things on their mind…”

    Then I realized, “Hey, they walked into the room, didn’t they? For F’s sake, what’s wrong with them?”

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