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Inspiration is inspiring and inspirational

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Since this is the Land of All Internet Traditions and it’s possible y’all need this as much as I do, here is your morning inspirational:

LEMONS

Now go out there and dominate All The Things, you beautiful fools.

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  • N__B

    When life gives me Lemons, I turn off CNN.

    • Pat

      Aren’t we supposed to be aware of all Internet traditions?

      When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

      -Cave Johnson.

  • rea

    When life gives you lemons, look up a good lemon chicken recipe

    • DrDick

      Mmmmmmm, souvlaki!

  • CaptainBringdown

    Lemons are fucking delicious.

    • catclub

      So what did delicious do to deserve that?

      • skate

        Swiped right?

  • Humpty-Dumpty

    Life gave me lemons year before last when I moved into an apartment with a lemon tree in the garden. It fruited and I had two fucking bushels of the things. I never would’ve believed this, but there are only so many lemon meringue pies a person can eat.

    • DAS

      Dear Home and Garden Magazine forum,

      I never thought this would happen to me, but last year I moved into an apartment with a lemon tree in the garden

      • BiloSagdiyev

        “One morning, I woke up early, only to see Margaret Thatcher and Alexander Haig hurriedly run down a garden path, naked below the waist, wearing T-shirts that read “Lemon Party ’83.”

    • sparks

      The trees sure smell nice when they’re blossoming.

      • so-in-so

        “Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower smells sweet…”

        Why yes, I AM that old; why do you ask?

        • DAS

          As I sang to Mrs. DAS once when serving her some lemon cake:

          Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower smells sweet
          But the cake made from the lemon, is impossible not to eat

    • Murc

      Make lemonade?

      That’s not even a joke, I mean that literally. You’d be amazed how many lemons you can burn through making a surprisingly small quantity of lemonade.

      • los

        and half an acre of sugar cane…

    • LNM_in_LA

      When we moved in to our house [Holy Crap!, is it really] fourteen years ago, our long-suffering buyer’s agent* bought us a little Meyer lemon tree as a housewarming gift. The 2nd year, it was off to the races.

      I’m sorry, one can never grow tired of Meyer lemons, and our friends who benefit from the surplus crop would also not agree with you.

      *Searching in West Side LA, it took over 11 months, looking at 62 properties, before we found a suitable one. She was a good friend before the search and amazingly remains one still. During the inspection, the inspector and I came through the kitchen and there she was, arms in the air, yelling “I can’t wait for the first PARTY!!” to the bemused seller’s agent.

      • los

        ‘Meyer’ is orange lemon hybrid.
        btw ‘Meyer’ seedlings are often clonal (not the result of actual pollination)
        This a tendency of citrus hybrids.

  • tomscud

    Long-form version of the above, more or less:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dt6iTwVIiMM

  • DAS

    I am reminded of a Far Side cartoon. Four panels, each showing a person contemplating a half full/half empty glass of water. The title was “the four different kinds of people”. In panel one, the person declared the glass to be half full, in panel two the glass half empty, in panel three the person wavered and in panel four the person shouted “hey! I ordered a cheeseburger!”

    • N__B

      In How To Lie With Statistics, the possibilities when you flip a coin are shown as heads, tails, landing on the edge, and bird grabbing the coin out of the air and flying away with it…proving that the likelihood of getting heads is 25%.

      • los

        also:
        alien vaporization.
        the government inflates currency, converting the penny to 3/4 of a penny before it lands.

    • Matt
    • BiloSagdiyev

      The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is too large.

      • CP

        The Pessimist: “The glass is half empty.”
        The Optimist: “The glass is half full.”
        The Russian: “Yes! There is room for vodka!”

        • Colin Day

          What self-respecting Russian would drink watered-down vodka?

          Full disclosure: The word “vodka” means “little water” in Russian.

          • Platypus Prime

            Etymologically, yes – but in reality, vodka in Russian just means vodka. It’s like saying “hot dog” means “heated canine” in English. :-P

      • DocAmazing

        The pathologist needs to run a few tests on the fluid in the glass.

        • The pathologist needs to run a few tests on the fluid in the glass

          after the pessimist, the optimist, and the engineer are all dead.

      • LNM_in_LA

        Sorry, as an engineer, I would say the glass was designed wrong.

    • David Hunt

      Optimist: Ooh–water! I bet I’ll get to drink it!
      Pessimist: Drinking fluids postpones death but doesn’t avert it.

      http://what-if.xkcd.com/6/

  • eclare

    I’ve been on a lemon baking kick this month. If anyone is feeling adventurous, I recommend trying this recipe for Shaker lemon pie. Most people recommend using Meyer lemons, but I actually prefer the regular kind.

  • Docrailgun

    When God gives you lemons… GET A NEW GOD!!!!!!!eleven

    • leftwingfox

      GODBERRY!!!! King Of the Juice!

  • BiloSagdiyev

    Lemons… how do they work?

  • Life just handed me a bigass lemon so thanks for this.

    • N__B

      Ass lemons are the worst.

      • Have you ever tried ass lemonade? Fortunately this is more of the irritating and temporarily demoralizing kind than the debilitating and fatal kind but still.

  • CP

    “When life gives Jack Bauer lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.”

  • leftwingfox

    It’s a virtual lemon party in here…

  • kg

    Make Limoncello! (thanks to B^4 for the inspiration on this)

    • He makes really good Limoncello. I’ve had some.

  • (((Hogan)))

    When life gives you lemonade, make lemons out of it. Life will be all like “WHAAAAA?!”

  • EliHawk
  • Jim in Baltimore

    It’s still summer, and lemonade is the first step to a refreshing Tom Collins.

  • I was at Panera for lunch a while back. If you’ve never been to one, the napkins and stuff are in a corner, next to the drink dispenser. They also have a container of cut lemons in case you want one in your drink.

    This old guy was in front of me taking every single lemon out of that container, one by one, and squeezing it into a cup to make lemonade.

    I heard of “cheap” but that’s a whole new level of cheap.

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