Home / General / Kids are, and say, the damnedest things

Kids are, and say, the damnedest things


Child of a blood relative of SEK’s roommate, upon learning that SEK’s not a blood relative of his roommate:

CHILD: So, do you have a last name?

SEK: No, actually, I was born without one.

CHILD: God let you do that?

SEK: Yes.

CHILD: Can you get him to take mine back? I want mine to be ‘Pouncing Cat.’

SEK: I’ll see what I can do.

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  • Rob in CT

    Apologies, SEK, but I’ve got some O/T Loomis bait:


    This one has it all. The usher’s name is… Edward Loomis! “At will” employee screwed, plutocrats suckling off the public teat and wanting more, more, more. And plus, it’s the Indians, so there’s always Chief Wahoo to beat up on.

    • rm

      When I grew up there we called it “the North Coast,” sarcastically called it “the mistake on the lake,” wore “love it or leave it” and “you gotta be tough” tshirts, but we never, ever called it “the Paris of the Midwest.” I reckon that is entirely tongue-in-cheek.

  • Adorbs.

  • Snarki, child of Loki

    In some societies, the more names you have, the higher your status (I think Spanish is that way). In others, fewer names is higher status.

    You all can just call me ” ” from now on, while you bow to my awesomeness.

    • TribalistMeathead

      It’s hard to say, but I’m pretty sure my favorite Pete Campbell moment is when he introduces himself to the Viscount as “Peter Dyckman-Campbell.”

      • Red_cted

        I’d like to change my name to Ivana Beecher-Azoff

        • njorl

          I always thought Courtney Cox-Arquette should have married NBC president of entertainment Jeff Zucker instead of David Arquette.

          • Warren Terra

            Well, the resulting hyphenated last name would seem to make sense for a major studio executive.

          • Lee Rudolph

            There was, in fact, a theorem (about elliptic curves) jointly proved by a pair of mathematicians surnamed Cox and Zucker, respectively, which at least one of them enjoyed referring to as “the celebrated Cox-Zucker Theorem”.

    • I’m not going to say anything, I’m just going to make air quotes.

    • ʾAbū l-Walīd Muḥammad bin ʾAḥmad bin Rušd

      Unsurprisingly, the Frankish infidel has this backward.

  • libarbarian

    Thanks. I’m thinking of names for my next son (eta 3 months).

    Pouncing Cat? Hmmm …..

    • Hank

      When boy #2 was close to his birth, boy #1 made a concerted effort to get us to name him Tarzan. I was tempted.

      • njorl

        I wanted to name our first kid Winged Avenger. My wife said I could, provided the kid had wings. The bizarre shapes protruding from my wife’s belly after 8 months gave me hope, but no luck.

      • pbf

        In the late 90s, I tried to convince my Swedish wife that if we were going with a Scandinavian name for our first child it should be Thor.

  • rm

    That kid’s parents need to get down to City Hall right away. No family could ever regret changing their surname to “Pouncing Cat.” Seize this opportunity, people.

  • Oddly, “Pouncing Cat” is a name I approve of.

    • Madison Pouncing Cat

      Hellooooo, sailor.

    • sibusisodan

      Even if it’s Mahdesohne Pouncing Cat?

      • N__B

        EAT MY DUST!

        • sibusisodan

          I got the ‘you are posting comments to quickly’ thing. I blame that.

          I also worry that – given my last comment was several tens of minutes ago – it didn’t say that to keep the load off the servers. Rather, it’s trying to specifically discourage me from posting. For quality controlsome reason.

          • Autonomous Coward

            It seems like it’s timing from when you hit “reply” to when you hit “submit”. Not sure what the time limit is and I don’t really want to fuzz-post enough to actually find out, it would be abusive.

  • I looked in Burke’s Peerage, and there’s no entry for a “Lady Bird-Johnson”.

  • I like Pouncing Cat as a name, but I feel like you’ve got to earn it

  • Bloix

    Volunteer soccer coach dad:
    Guys! we need a team name! How about the Tigers!
    My son (7yrs):
    Let’s be the Poison Dart Frogs!!
    Other kids:
    Yeah! The Poison Dart Frogs!!
    Soccer coach dad: Hey, Tigers! Go Tigers!
    Kids: Poison Dart Frogs!!!

    • SEK

      I’m with the kids.

    • a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

      I’m also with the kids. That’s a great name.

      • Anonymous

        Great name, and many colorful uniform designs to choose from!

    • Hank

      Go Frogs!

      The best team name I ever encountered as an AYSO coach was the Sparkling Silver Unicorns

      • Tyto

        My daughter would insist on transcontinental flight to play on such a team.

      • Gregor Sansa

        As a kid, I played on the Purple People Eaters (AYSO). But we didn’t sparkle.

    • Randy

      Poison Dart Frogs! But only if they can get someone to dress up as the mascot.

    • Bill Murray

      but they will be called the pdfs and Adobe will sue them

    • Autonomous Coward

      Demand drug tests of anyone who beats them.

      (A “frog lickers” joke. Jokes are better when you explain them, you see…)

  • Anonymous

    At last, a raconteur who appreciates your special relationship with the great County Clerk in the Sky.

  • Poison Dart Frogs, definitely up there with the Fightin’ Banana Slugs of UC Santa Cruz

    • Autonomous Coward

      First time I saw Pulp Fiction I assumed this was a joke. Later when I was looking at colleges I discovered it was not.

      • Warren Terra

        Or at least not Tarantino’s joke.

    • efgoldman

      The Anarillo Dillas minor league baseball team, long my favorite team name. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amarillo_Dillas

      • Funkula

        There’s a small town called Combine, Texas that I drive through occasionally, and every time I really, really wish that their football team was called the Headcrabs.

  • Julia Grey

    CHILD: So, do you have a last name?

    SEK: No, actually, I was born without one.

    KIDS say the damndest things?

    • Julia Grey

      Plus, you undertook to “see what you could do” about getting God to give the poor child a different last name.

      DAMNED, I tell you! Utterly DAMNED!

  • Tehanu

    Indulge me — here’s a quote from my grandson when he was 4 (he just turned 6):

    Did you know that not everything is supposed to happen? Only some things are.

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