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Running Taft

[ 57 ] January 27, 2013 |

As baseball fans know, every stadium has some version of the “race” between innings where the fans can root for a meaningless computerized competition between different colored objects. In Seattle for instance, it’s speedboats. Usually these remain computerized.

The Washington Nationals have taken a different tack, having people in president outfits run the race. They have 4–the Mt. Rushmore presidents. Until now:

The most anticipated move of the Washington Nationals offseason was finally made Friday night, as the club announced that William Howard Taft would become the 5th Racing President.

The justification for this is that Taft was the first president to throw out a first pitch, for the Washington Senators in 1910.

The real reason: the world likes to see fat men run.

The clear next frontier is to have a James Madison character. The battle between a fat man and a tiny man who barely weighed 100 pounds is sure to enrapture the baseball-game attending public.


Comments (57)

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  1. wyrm1 says:

    Actually they need someone to be the lovable loser of the races, since they stupidly allowed Teddy to win a race.

    • drkrick says:

      A lot of us were hoping that Teddy’s wins last year would mark the end of the races now that the team on the field is likely to be worth watching. No such luck.

  2. efgoldman says:

    Could be worse. They could have picked Buchanan, or Nixon, or (FSM forbid!) Shrub!

  3. Dave says:

    Madison should beat Taft, especially if you tell him the White House is on fire.

  4. Michael Rebain says:

    Sorry, Rushmore is Rushmore. No additions required. Unless it’s FDR in a wheelchair.

  5. Mike Smith says:

    I believe that the between-innings races began here in Texas with the Texas Rangers. They initiated a “Dot Race” where three dots, colored red, green, and yellow, would race and the crowd would choose a dot and cheer for it. The announcer would intone that the race was for entertainment purposes only: “No wagering please.”

    The sneaky secret was that for years and for some unknown reason, the Red Dot always won the season series and frequently cheated in races to win them.

    It is less silly and less fun now at The Ballpark.

    • efgoldman says:

      I believe that the between-innings races began here in Texas with the Texas Rangers.

      I wondered who to blame.

      It is less silly and less fun now at The Ballpark.

      With that good a team, you shouldn’t have to create “fun” for anybody older than 10.

      • Jim Lynch says:

        “They” lost me when clubs began to play popular tunes at games. It apparently never occurred to them that there is always a percentage of fans who will despise whatever song it is that is played. I mean, come on, “Sweet Caroline”? Fuck You, Turn It Off!

        • efgoldman says:

          “Sweet Caroline”? Fuck You, Turn It Off!

          Oh FSM, yes! Especially that one.
          I’m old enough to remember nothing but live organ music at sports venues – I certainly don’t want to go back to John Kiley playing for the Sox, Bruins, and Celtics!
          Marching bands! That’s the ticket!

      • Sherm says:

        You might feel differently if you took children to a game. The kids love the music, the races, the tee-shirt tosses, etc..

  6. efgoldman says:

    …every stadium has some version of the “race” between innings…

    Not Fenway. They couldn’t figure a way to monetize it.

  7. Davis says:

    Chris Christie!

  8. commie atheist says:

    Apparently they put Taft on a diet. Disappointing.

  9. Origuy says:

    Go to a minor league game sometime. The San Jose Giants (class A California League) used to have fans run the bases for prizes and have players throw balls at a junker car, trying to break headlights. I don’t know if they still do. Minor league games are a lot of fun for a lot less money, especially if you have kids.

  10. bill says:

    San Francisco Giants: John Sutter, Willie Brown, Carol Doda, Emperor Norton. Fifth guy: Carlos Santana.

  11. Sherm says:

    I have to admit, I kind of like the sausage races in Milwaukee.

  12. Mrs Tilton says:

    the world likes to see fat men run

    Why isn’t Campos all over this?

    The clear next frontier is to have a James Madison character

    Come on. You have to admit, a Madison/Taft Death Match would be something to see.

  13. dave brockington says:

    Not presidential, but contemporaries of Madison: Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.

  14. NorthLeft12 says:

    Well, it is a baseball game people. There is more sustained excitement in that race than anything that can happen in a baseball game, outside of a rundown with a really quick runner between a few terrible fielders.

    And yes I am used to be a dedicated baseball fan.

  15. actor212 says:

    Wouldn’t Taft make more sense as a sumo-wrestler costume? He and Fillmore could bump it out.

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