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This is real

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Or perhaps I should say “real.”

. . . and to cleanse the palate:

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  • Sad.

    Also real: today’s FT reports (front page, below the fold) that the DoJ has been using “unpaid prosecutors” in earnest since the beginning of 2011. Closing ‘graf:

    “David Fein, US attorney for Connecticut, says he started ‘hiring’ unpaid lawyers in early 2011 but ensures they are well trained: “We would not have made hires if the applicant pool was not strong. We would not lower our standards.”

    (All right, the quote marks around hiring are mine.)

    • Kurzleg

      Didn’t see this on their web site.

  • Kurzleg

    So Trump thinks it’s a good idea to withhold a nice charitable donation for the sake of a stunt? Classy.

  • Scott Lemieux

    I assume Politico wrote several pieces this touting this exciting bombshell in advance…

    • fledermaus

      Reactions amongst the DC courtiers to Donald Trump is a good heuristic for assessing competency. No one in business or New York City takes him seriously, but it seems that many of the DC pundits haven’t actually figured it out and hang on his every word. Of course the older ones seem to know better.

      • As someone with some (unfortunate) experience with Trump in business dealings, let me assure you that if he was a lawyer, he’d be one of those “asbestos” infomercial types, chasing ambulances and looking to be a chigger in the skin of anyone who might have even the smallest crumbs to toss at him.

        Spy Magazine called him a “short fingered vulgarian” nearly 25 years ago, and he’s done nothing to refute that description since. Not a damned thing.

        • Saul Goodman with less integrity, I’m thinking.

  • laura

    Damn, I was expecting the Obama divorce papers.

    • Sharon

      I was kind of hoping for another “Whitey” tape!

  • CZHA

    A better plan: re-elect the “least transparent president” and simultaneously elect a filibuster-proof Democratic majority in Congress, let the Bush tax cuts expire on the upper limits of income, bring capital gains tax in line with earned income, and let government run or contracted services take care of public needs.

    Side benefit: Fewer self-congratulatory blowhards Trumping the news.

    • tsam

      You be TRIPPIN. How are the Kochs supposed to get richer with that system?

      • CZHA

        Not to worry. The Kochs will own states. Lots more money flowing in.

        • tsam

          The very idea of an upper limit on what these people can wring out of the lower classes is outright Fascism like that Marx guy wrote that book about and junk.

  • bobbo

    This man is on drugs.

    • Pestilence

      and not even the good ones

  • c u n d gulag

    Donald Trump as Doctor Evil:

    “I will give a check for 5 THOUSAND DOLLARS! What?”

    Whisper… whisper… whisper…”

    “Really? Ok then. I will give a check for 5 MILLIONS DOLLARS!”

    Kind of cheap for a self-claimed billionaire, no?

    • UserGoogol

      Well, I imagine the calculation may have been that it’s big enough to be an objectively impressive number, but small enough that it doesn’t really inconvenience him too much for what is a flagrant ego trip.

      I’d be tempted to take the offer, but part of the issue is that not only is five million dollars not a lot of money for a billionaire, it’s also not a lot of money for the United States government. Through his role in the budgeting process, (and oversight over the spending of non-earmarked funds) he controls the flow of quite a ton of money to charitable organizations.

      • Leeeee

        I’d just tax it all away. And then some.

      • SP

        Come on, he’d never actually pay up. You heard what he said about the birth certificate that was released- “Or whatever it was.” If Obama did for some bizarre reason respond to this BS and release everything, Trump would refuse to pay, claiming that the 2-hour pottery class Obama once visited for 15 minutes to talk to his girlfriend wasn’t on the transcript and therefore it’s not “complete.”

        • sparks

          He’s had a rep for not paying his bills, so I’m comfortable with thinking he wouldn’t pay.

        • spencer

          He *did* throw in a “to my satisfaction” there at the end. So yeah, he’d weasel out of it.

    • Kurzleg

      $5m would be a lot for the non-profit for which I work.

      • The Dark Avenger

        He’s always implied that he’s a billionaire, and actually went to court over a biography that indicated he really wasn’t worth that much.

        From the Guardian 6 years ago:

        Mr Trump was infuriated when TrumpNation estimated his net worth at only $150m to $250m, rather than the billions Mr Trump says he is worth.

        From the Wiki:

        Trump’s unsuccessful libel lawsuit against author Timothy L. O’Brien, for O’Brien’s estimating his net worth at less than $250 million, was dismissed in 2009.[82][83] In the lawsuit it was revealed that in 2005, Deutsche Bank valued Trump’s net worth at $788 million, to which Trump objected.[82][83][84]

  • Otto von Bisquick

    I wonder what Trump’s willing to donate if Romney releases his last 10 years of tax returns?

  • Kurzleg

    That would have cleansed the palate, but then Glenn Beck came along.

  • @InvisibleObama:

    Will trade college records and passport applications for @MittRomney’s tax returns and a player to be named later.

  • Emma

    If I were the president I would accept as long as Mr. Trump released his monthly statement to prove he has five million dollars in the bank. Considering that this jerk lost money on a casino, his real-estate holdings are always in the red, and seems to be making a living primarily as a reality-show host, I doubt he has that kind of money to throw around

    • Hogan

      Yeah, I’ve never been sure how much real money Trump has. He probably swaps real estate to buy socks.

      Of course that might push him into making the other version of this deal: “I will kill one poor person or cancer patient every hour until Obama releases his college records and passport application.”

      • Kurzleg

        I beleive it was Quentin Crisp who observed that Trump simply “does fame” as an occupation rather than doing something notable to become famous. Crisp wasn’t criticizing, mind you, but it’s a spot-on observation.

    • I’d only accept if the money were put in escrow under the control of a fair minded arbitrator with a clear set of instructions for releasing the money that I knew in advance.

  • Keaaukane

    I only manages to do about 17 seconds before I got disgusted. Can anybody with greater fortitude give a quick synopsis of what Trump is blathering about?

    • Hogan

      Trump will give $5 million to the charity or charities of Obama’s choice if he releases his college records and passport application before Oct. 31. Trump also says that when those records are released, he will be satisfied that Obama has met the standard of transparency Trump expects from US presidents.

      I just can’t stop laughing when I think about that second part.

      • Sherm

        Thanks. I went to the comments hoping for a “shorter trump” because I really didn’t feel like listening to that ass-clown.

        • Keaaukane

          Thank you. Life’s too short to spend 2:28 more seconds listening to Trump. I salute your fortitude.

      • tsam

        This is the “HUGE, GIGANTIC, AND ALSO HUGE” news that ferret face has been greasing up Faux News with? Wow. I feel very let down.

  • Hogan

    “This is not a movie, this is real!”

    “Which reel?”

    “The last reel of that vintage motion picture, High School Madness.”

    • commie atheist

      Heavy on the 30-weight, Mom…

      • Hogan

        Stop torturing me, Ethel.

  • JRoth

    Why is the angry muppet yelling at me? And – perhaps one of the posters around here could explain it to me – why is he not centered in the frame?

    • NonyNony

      Someone should convince that poor angry muppet to get to a doctor. That is one ugly growth coming off the rump of that muppet.

    • Patrick

      I’d pay $5 million for some Yellow Line(tm) analysis of the framing.

    • What did a Muppet ever do to you that you would libel them so!

      Muppets are cute. There are no non-cute muppets.

      Trump is not cute!

    • Keaaukane

      The framing symbolizes that Trump is either off center (which we knew) or right of center (which we also knew). Or that he set up the camera himself.

  • The Kenosha Kid

    Who will rid me of this short-fingered vulgarian?

  • Todd

    “Look, mister, there’s two kinds of dumb, there’s the guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, there’s the guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don’t matter, the second one you’re kinda forced to deal with.”

  • Barry Freed

    BREAKING:

    I will donate $5 million* to charity if Romney releases the last ten years of his tax returns.

    *I don’t have $5 million.

    • Warren Terra

      Sokay. Even if he did release them, he wouldn’t do it to your satisfaction: he wouldn’t reveal his overseas holdings, for example.

      • Barry Freed

        Can you imagine? A president with a Swiss and Cayman Islands bank account. How is this even close?

        • Malaclypse

          How is this even close?

          Because the sheriff President is a ni-CLANG.

    • brad

      Neither does Trump. Asshole has never been worth even a fraction of what he claims.
      Does Ronald McDonald have 5 million? Not McDonald’s, Ronald himself, whoever is in the clown makeup these days.
      Trump is little more than a mascot for random real estate deals.

  • DrDick

    Why does anyone pay any attention to this pompous, narcissistic failed buffoon?

    • tsam

      We all pay attention the same way we pay attention to the Kardashians, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears…

      Everyone loves watching a dumb asshole act like a dumb asshole. It’s funny because we know ourselves at our worst, and that doesn’t even approach the level of depravity these people routinely display. It gets pretty tiresome for most people, but the media sure does love their darling dumb assholes.

      • DrDick

        Of course I actively ignore all those people as well.

      • Anonymous

        Proud and stubborn
        Loud and arrogant
        As American as apple pie and embarrassment
        Package the kid’s face
        Put it on display
        Look, ma! Another national disgrace
        Dumb and ignorant
        Drunk and belligerent
        Open up your heart, y’all
        Come on and let me in
        Package the kid’s face
        Put it on display
        Look, ma! Another national disgrace

        • Brandon C.

          I do love Atmosphere. Such a great way to put it.

    • I’m all in favor of that pompous, narcissistic failed buffoon getting as much prime-time news coverage as possible. The more Trump talks, the more people vote for Obama.

      If I could get Trump, Coulter, Limbaugh, and Palin maximum TV time over the next two weeks, you’d see Oklahoma turn blue.

    • Scott Lemieux

      Oh, in fairness he’s a very successful buffoon. At everything else, much less sucessful.

  • tsam

    Open letter to Donald Trump…

    Dear Mr. Trump;

    Eat shit and bark at the moon.

    Sincerely,
    The Earth.

  • He borrowed Romney’s Florida makeup artist, didn’t he?

  • Manju

    Well, that’s gotta be the most disappointing October surprise since the Whitey tape.

    Gloria Allred is up next, though. No one fucks with Gloria. Has Tiger even won a major since since Gloria turned the pornstars against him? I think not.

    • Gary K

      First Allorange, then Allred?

      • Manju

        In the past, her name would’ve sunk her. But inexplicably, that’s the color given to Republican states.

        When did that start? Is this retaliation for Liberal Fascism?

        • It’s for morons. R as in Republican = red.

  • scott

    I wonder whether this week is doing Romney a lot of good so far. He endures a debate which the public polls said he lost, and even the major Villager pundits who minimized that still had to concede to their audiences that he was very passive and pretty much conceded the initiative to Obama. Now we have Mourdock (whom Romney endorsed in an ad a couple of days ago) bringing up the whole abortion and rape issue again. And now Trump, a celebrity hound and a famous Romney supporter, making himself look ridiculous (again). That doesn’t seem to reflect the kind of clear, uncluttered narrative script for the week that Romney’s campaign would like (Romentum!). Instead, it seems to reflect a reversion (admittedly minor) to the pattern of not fatal but annoying mini-controversies that Romney seemed to step in or get consumed by from June through August. It may mean nothing and probably does, but it did occur to me since both the Trump thing and the Mourdock debate got major play this morning.

    • Keaaukane

      Anything that diverts people from asking about his taxes is probably OK with Romney.

      • Yea, well, a judge is about to unseal testimony from the testimony Romney gave at a divorce trial for a Bain Capital partner. Apparently, there are allegations of understating income and assets…

    • tsam

      Media Response:

      We’re TRYING to keep this thing close. Will you shutup already?

  • spencer

    Does Trump mean “transparent” or “white?”

    I mean, yeah, I know he’s talking about college records and all that. But I mean deep down.

    • JRoth

      I don’t think Trump is worried about what’s deep down.

  • Chester Allman

    I used to be better versed in wingnut obsessions than I am now; can anyone help me out with this? Why are they so obsessed with his college transcript? What exactly do they think they’ll learn? I mean, he did graduate cum laude from Harvard and was editor of the Law Review, so presumably they know they’re not going to learn that he was a D student – and even if that were the case, can they honestly think that anyone would care? And why the passport application?

    I know, I know – none of their obsessions make any real sense. But I just have no idea what they’re on about at all here.

    • mark f

      Either way it’s a win-win for them. Or rather for their ability to make weird noises about weird things.

      If he doesn’t release his grades then they can continue to imply something untoward is being hidden.

      If he does, and they’re bad, they can call him a moron who because of Affirmative Action was granted unearned upward mobility.

      If he does, and they’re good, they can say it’s the result of Affirmative Action and/or favoritism bestowed upon a liberal by Commie professors.

      • Chester Allman

        So yeah, “make weird noises about weird things” seems to sum it up pretty well.

    • Hogan

      And why the passport application?

      Probably to see what he used to prove citizenship, and maybe also to see what SS number he used. Apparently he has, like, thirty million of those.

    • Anonymous

      They hope to learn that he got into Occidental on affirmative action, transferred to Columbia because of affirmative action and got admitted to Harvard Law because of affirmative action (and that he claimed to be born in Kenya on all his application forms). I hadn’t heard anything about the passport application before but its probably in the hope he claimed he was born in Kenya on that.

    • Cheap Wino

      At it’s core the transcript stuff is trying to validate Limbaugh et. al.’s contention that he’s not as smart as those stupid liberals think he is. Because, just look at all the stupid things he’s doing as CIC. And he uses a teleprompter! He can’t really be all that smart (certainly not as smart as the genius that is Rush Limbaugh).

      Further, since we can so obviously see he’s not so smart as his MSM sycophants are pushing onto the gullible public, he must have gotten into Columbia and Harvard via affirmative action, i.e. he didn’t deserve to get in.

      • Leeeee

        Bush must have benefited from affirmative action.

        • sharculese

          Bush benefited from legacy admissions, which is totally different because shut up, that’s whyite.

    • tsam

      I think their whole case is that he was a foreigner who got by being a lousy student because of Affirmative Action and commie sympathizing perfessors and such. The whole thing is about as ridiculous as the birth certificate thing, yet for some reason, the media doesn’t bother to show the diahreal aftermath of all the crow assholes like Trump and Taitz end up eating when they get everyone fired for nothing.

    • They seem to be confused about what “affirmative action” means. They imagine that not only would it help him get into Harvard, but that it would somehow force the school to let him graduate cum laude and edit the Law Review in spite of having shitty grades. Of course, you’d think that, under this bizarro-world version of affirmative action, the school would also be required to give him unearned good grades, but apparently not, because SHUT UP, THAT’S WHY. Though no doubt if for some reason the transcripts were released, good grades would just be FURTHER PROOF of affirmative-action-based mendacity.

      Really, it’s best not to think about it. It’s magical thinking of the most disingenuous kind.

      • mark f

        It also requires you to believe that there are too few qualified or capable black candidates to fill whatever small percentage of seats are supposedly reserved for them, so they’ll take any old moron with the right hue.

        • rm

          I think perhaps the background narrative is that not only is he a lazy do-nothing n-word who gets by on affirmative action but that he’s been shepherded along all the way by Nefarious Hidden Forces (like perhaps some International Financiers or some Communists, which are both the same thing because [insert anti-Semitic delusions here]).

          If I were a shadowy puppeteer supervillian choosing a black man whom I would spend decades grooming for the Presidency, I would make sure his name was Manly Applepieflag, not Barack Hussein Obama. But what do I know?

          • Chester Allman

            “Manly Applepieflag.”

            I wish you had written this comment before I chose my user name.

          • swearyanthony

            “Manly Applepieflag” – sounds like a nazi name to me. So would probably be a hit in the Treason States.

            • Hey, call just call me “Manly ApplePieFAG” from here on.

  • gocart mozart

    Why would he have his passport application? Who keeps a copy of their application. You fill it out and send it along with the passport fee and wait for the gubmint to mail you your passport.

    I would like to see the death certificate for that badger on his head. I will give him 5 billion quantaloons for it.

    • Hogan

      He wouldn’t have it, but it’s possible that the State Department never throws anything away. And if they shred them after ten years, that makes them part of the conspiracy. Damn gummint bureaucrats, always saving money by getting rid of outdated documents containing personal information.

      • That’s the beauty of Trump’s offer. There’s no way Obama can make good on the application…even if he somehow hung onto a copy, how do you prove it’s the one he filed with State…so Trump never has to pay up.

        • gocart mozart

          Also, didn’t Obama first get his passport at age three when he travelled to Indonesia?

          • gocart mozart

            Maybe Trump means the long form renewal application.

    • tsam

      The badger’s not dead. It’s just heavily medicated. The dead ones start to overpower his Drakkar bathe.

  • synykyl

    Obama should name The Hair Club for Men as the charity, and he should make Trump deposit the 5 million in cash with Price Waterhouse before releasing any documents.

  • Larry

    $5 million?!? What a cheapskate!!!

  • Offsides

    This really is a tremendous opportunity for Obama. He calls a press conference, says “my first thought was, this is REALLY stupid, but Michelle pointed out that the charity needed the money, so what the hell. Here are the documents. But in your news stories please point out two things:

    1) The reason Trump wanted these things is because the majority of Republicans, including Republicans running for national office, believe stuff that is obviously untrue.

    2) I challenge Trump to offer the same amount for Mitt Romney to release his tax returns and prove that Senator Reid was wrong about him paying no taxes on millions of dollars in income.

    What a way to dominate a news cycle. “Yes, actually the President did get straight As at some of the toughest schools in the country.” “Yes, Republicans are utterly full of shit.” “Yes, Romney probably paid no taxes on millions in income and is hiding that fact.”

  • proud liberal circlejerker

    Why not do it? Yeah, Trump is an asshole, and he’s an absurd individual, but releasing this information could go either one of two ways, both in Obama’s favor:

    A. Trump nitpicks and finds some reason to claim that the documents are falsified. He looks like an even bigger asshole because now he has renegged on his promise to donate money to charity.

    B. Trump donates $5 million to suffering people. I would say that’s a pretty big win for the good guys considering we can barely get that much money out of the obstructionist Congress.

    • Walt

      Because of C. Trump nitpicks, the Right Wing Noise Machine yells “what is he hiding?” and it sucks up media time that could be spent on the pro-Obama or anti-Romney case for the Presidency.

      • Cheap Wino

        Plus, why would Obama even admit to spending a half nanosecond thinking about Donald Trump? The guy has negative gravitas.

  • Lancelot Link

    From what I’ve read, colleges don’t even keep applications in their records for more than a few years; maybe someone more professorial than I could check. This would make it physically impossible for Obama to give this asshat everything he’s asking for.

  • ajay

    Obama on Trump:
    http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show/video/president-obama-on-donald-trump-10-24-12/1421833

    And the Guardian phones up to ask for Trump’s college records, and get knocked back!
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/us-news-blog/2012/oct/24/donald-trump-barack-obama-records

    “I tell you what, he’ll provide them to you when you provide yours to him,” said Michael Cohen, executive vice president at the Trump Organization and special counsel to Trump, in what began as a friendly encounter.

    I readily agreed to the deal, and offered to provide my college records and passport-application records to the Trump office for inspection. That seemed to prompt a change of heart…”

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