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DISCONVENTION!

[ 30 ] September 6, 2012 |

[Previous installments of Sekocom, Inc. games include DISADVENTURE!, DISADDENDUM!, DISMORALIZED!, DISINSOMNIA!, WHARTON!, GRADING! and DISBELIEF!. This installment holds no candle to those but since its sell-by date is fast approaching I figure better late than never.]

Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 2006, 2012 Sekocom, Inc. All rights reserved.

DISCONVENTION! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc. Revision 23 / Serial number 8940729

West of Apartment Complex

You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.

> e

The door is locked.

> fuck door

I strongly advise against that course of action.

> fuck you

We only just met.

> open door

The door is still locked.

> FUCK DOOR

Fine. After a vigorous rutting, the rusted hinges snap and the frustrated door bends until its disappointed timbers give up and finish clattering themselves to the ground alone. You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a open door and an unsatisfied pile of wood. There is a small mailbox here.

> e

You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. Next to it is an empty chair. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.

> w

You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a open door and an unsatisfied pile of wood. There is a small mailbox here.

> look wood

The pile of wood refuses to return eye contact.

> FUCK WOOD

Haven’t you done enough already? Leave the poor pile of wood alone. Just go east.

> FUCK EAST

You cannot have sexual intercourse with a cardinal direction.

> so fuck wood

You cannot have sexual intercourse with east or wood. But there may be someone or something in the white townhouse with whom or which you can have sexual relations.

> fine e

You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. Next to it is an empty chair. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.

> sit chair

The empty chair is already seated.

> sit IN chair

The empty chair is currently occupied.

> who there

Do you not recognize him? It is the same Black President from the last time you played. Only invisible. Do you not remember?

> drink problem

A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water. Drinking it may help restore your wits.

> no just sit

You are seated on the floor next to the empty chair occupied by the invisible Black President.

> SIT IN CHAIR

The empty chair is currently occupied by the invisible Black President.

> tell him move

He cannot move. His presence is sustained by the power of your belief in it.

> no believe

But you do. You believe him to be the funniest thing you haven’t seen in ages.

> do not

That’s not what the invisible Black President says.

> what he say

Ask him yourself.

> what you say

The invisible Black President cordially invites you to go fuck yourself.

> he say what

The invisible Black President cordially invites you to go fuck yourself.

> why

You kidnapped him and are currently holding him hostage.

> did not

You did. Earlier this evening. Do you not remember suddenly finding yourself standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a boarded front door?

> i do

Do you remember how you arrived in that field?

> no

What do you remember?

> east

And?

> wood

What happened next?

> tried sit

Why couldn’t you?

> invisible black presidents

Is there something you would like to say to the invisible Black President?

> FUCK YOU INVISIBLE BLACK PRESIDENTS

Anything else?

> INVISIBLE BLACK PRESIDENTS SUCK

Why?

> TAKE CHAIRS

And?

> SIT IN THEM

Where else should they sit?

> AFGHANISTAN

Afghantistan is too far away.

> FINE GITMO

You want to send the invisible Black President to Gitmo?

> BIFURCATING BIFURCATING BIFURCATING

I don’t understand. Are you—are you crying?

> NO

You are. You’re crying. Why are you crying?

> I OWN IT

Own what?

> IT

What?

> IS MINE

What is?

> IT

I don’t understand. What do you want from the invisible Black President?

> IT BACK

What did he take from you?

> BIFURCATING BIFURCATING BIFURCATING

Comments (30)

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  1. SEK says:

    Feel free to offer funnier scenarios and/or suggestions for, you know, an ending. I got stuck with this one, and I’ll keep tinkering with it until it’s irrelevant unless I post it, so there you go.

  2. Khárn the Betrayer says:

    A tour de force.

  3. Left_Wing_Fox says:

    “You cannot have sexual intercourse with a cardinal direction.”

    This made me shoot milk out my nose.

    I wasn’t even drinking milk.

  4. SEK says:

    Thanks y’all. I tend to be the worst — or at least the harshest — judge of my own work.

  5. rea says:

    I’m mystified by the bifurcation, though.

  6. actor212 says:

    I’m ashamed of myself for how long it took to get the joke.

  7. Njorl says:

    You are in a maze of twisty little rationalizations, all different.

    >mention heritage

  8. Halloween Jack says:

    A bit less on the uckfay; you’re about yea close to owing Insane Clown Posse royalties, and no one wants that.

  9. Bexley says:

    Surprised there weren’t more lesbian walruses involved. Instead the door gets all the action.

  10. John says:

    This is amusing, but I think these things are better when the player doesn’t just decide to act like a complete idiot/furious rageaholic/complete asshole for no reason from the get-go.

    The Wharton one is funny because the player, while stupid, is basically a fish out of water. He thinks he’s playing Zork, and instead is dropped into a baffling world he doesn’t understand.
    And in the earlier ones, there’s kind of a genuine interplay between the two “characters” that kind of builds – the way the game doesn’t allow the player to do what he wants to do, gradually building to a ridiculous conclusion. Both the player and the game get opportunities to play the straight man, and ultimately our sympathies are generally with the bewildered player rather than the condescending, know-it-all game.

    In these last two entries, where the player becomes a racist, idiotic Republican asshole, overturn the balance – the player does random furious things for no clear reason, leaving us with no one to identify with. The satire is fine, but I don’t think it works as well as the earlier entries.

    • SEK says:

      This is amusing, but I think these things are better when the player doesn’t just decide to act like a complete idiot/furious rageaholic/complete asshole for no reason from the get-go.

      I usually choose at the beginning whether it’s the player or the game that’s going to be the asshole, and the last two I’ve written it’s definitely been the player. I think you’re right, though, that it’s better when the sympathy is with a human thing instead of a coded one.

      • sparks says:

        Yes, if you could draw us into the realization that the player is a RW asshole it might work better, though it’s funny as it stands. WHARTON! was hilarious.

        • SEK says:

          The player — in the earlier ones, clearly me — is always an impatient asshole compared to the code’s Voice of Reason. I didn’t tag this one a particular asshole because I didn’t want to hold out on the Eastwood reference for as long as possible. (Can you tell that I came up with the “east” and “wood” references or the “I’m a Jew!” line in WHARTON! first and built the rest backwards? I always wonder about how obvious the process is, or whether it’s too obvious.)

  11. [...] (“Check the order of the calls you tried to make and draw your own conclusions.”)“You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a boarded front door.”“The real reason is that I liked the people who were [...]

  12. SEK says:

    Actually, I needn’t have worried: it’s still timely.

  13. What, no grue?!? Someone needs to be eaten by a grue.

  14. chimneyswift says:

    Wonderfully esoteric humor. Ah, the frustration of those INFOCOM games…

    I particularly like how the game becomes an almost Socratic interlocutor.

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