“A mingled mass of perverse ingenuity, of tinsel erudition, of imbecile credulity, and of artful misrepresentation”
By The UK organization Sense About Science has released its annual list of moronic celebrity health and diet endorsements. The roster of honorees is somewhat Anglocentric; deserving Americans like the galactically irresponsible Jenny McCarthy and shepherdess of woo Oprah Winfrey are nowhere to be found, though Shaquille O’Neal earns recognition for endorsing the scamtacular Power Balance bracelet — a cheap, hologram-festooned rubber band that millions of rubes have paid good money to wear, believing that it will supply them with magical powers of some kind or another. (Recently named CNBC’s Sports Product of the Year, Power Balance is little more than a reincarnation of the legendary Perkins Tractors.)
At any rate, the clear winner in the competition is “cage fighter Alex Reid,” who — though he does not avoid women — does deny them his essence.
Cage fighter Alex Reid took things much further with his tips for health this year. Giving his fans advice on how to prepare for a match, he told the Sun: “It’s actually very good for a man to have unprotected sex as long as he doesn’t ejaculate. Because I believe that all that semen has a lot of nutrition. A tablespoon of semen has your equivalent of steak, eggs, lemons and oranges. I am reabsorbing it into my body and it makes me go raaaaahh.”
Oddly enough, this is precisely how Dick Cheney has managed to stay alive all these years.