Deal or no deal? (Answer: No deal.)

Two-time presidon’t T Ronald Dump would like everyone to shut up about the wonderful tariff deals he said he maybe made but maybe didn’t.

“The Art of the Deal” author President Donald Trump said in a surprising comment Tuesday

He used … sarcasm.

that the United States does not need to “sign deals” with trade partners, despite top White House officials claiming for weeks that such deals are the administration’s top priority.

The deals will both exist and not exist. Like the image hidden in those magic eye pictures that positively infested malls at one point and made the looming threat of a the Y2K apocalypse seem not so bad at all.

“Everyone says, ‘When, when, when are you going to sign deals?’” Trump grumbled during a White House meeting with Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney.

“We don’t have to sign deals, they have to sign deals with us. They want a piece of our market. We don’t want a piece of their market,” Trump said.

It’s the contract that only one party signs and can only be enforced by the party that didn’t sign gambit. Very nth-dimension tiddlywinks. Only people who are smrt like Don can understand it.

After weeks of saying that countries were asking for bilateral trade talks with the United States, the president and his team have yet to announce any formal agreements or frameworks.

“I wish they’d … stop asking, how many deals are you signing this week?” said Trump, clearly frustrated at the mounting pressure on the White House to show progress on trade talks. “Because one day we’ll come and we’ll give you 100 deals,” he said.

That’s half of the 200 he recently claimed, which is a … savings? Of … some sort of percent thing. At any rate, if anyone says the soylent truncheon ration this week is lower than last week, report them to Friend Computer. Or else.

Time’s reporters, understandably confused, asked, “Not one has been announced yet. When are you going to announce them?” Instead of answering directly, the president said, “I’ve made 200 deals.”

Seeking clarification, Time’s reporters asked, “You’ve made 200 deals?” to which Trump replied, “100%.”

Pressed further, the president eventually said, “Because the deal is a deal that I choose.”

Do I hear 90 deals?

“We’re going to run 90 deals in 90 days,” Navarro told Fox Business a couple of weeks ago, adding that such a plan “is possible” in part because “the boss is going to be the chief negotiator.”

Three! Three deals. Which is even more of a savings. Also, the U.S. is a super luxury store! That has the goods!! Thank you for your attention to this matter!!!

Trump said Wednesday during a NewsNation town hall that his administration has “potential deals” with India, South Korea and Japan.

O29 that negotiations with India were “coming along great” and the U.S. will “likely have a deal with India.”

On Tuesday, however, Trump blamed top aides like Bessent and Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick for overpromising trade deals.

It never, ever fails. Craven fuckers catapult the propaganda to keep His Stankness happy and when shit goes sideways, as it invariably must when the presidential equivalent of Bergholt Stuttley Johnson is the architect of the plan: Knife, meet kidney.

“I think my people haven’t made it clear, we will sign some deals,” said Trump. “But much bigger than that is we’re going to put down the price that people are going to have to pay to shop in the United States. Think of us as a super luxury store, a store that has the goods.”

And being goods gets you stuffed.

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