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Will Santos walk before they make him run?

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The House Ethics Committee has found that Rep. George Santos (R-Universe) is almost the perfect Republican politician.

The House Ethics committee in a scathing report Thursday said it has amassed “overwhelming evidence” of lawbreaking by Republican Rep. George Santos of New York that has been sent to the Justice Department, concluding flatly that he “cannot be trusted” after a monthslong investigation into his conduct.

Not true! He can be trusted to behave like a Republican.

Shortly after the panel’s report was released, Santos blasted it in a tweet on X as a “politicized smear” but said he would not be seeking reelection to a second term. He gave no indication he would step aside before his term ends next year, vowing to pursue his “conservative values in my remaining time in Congress.”

Those values being stealing everything that isn’t nailed down, then coming back with a claw hammer. And kicking the less fortunate with his shiny oxfords.

CNN has the 56-page report. Share your favorite excerpts in the comments. Stick your off-topic comments in a cool dry place.

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