The store brand Orban in Iowa

Lyz Lenz has been on the ground with Pudding Ron in the Hawkeye state. There are a couple of potential problems with his all-in-in-Iowa strategy. The first is that he is not a…natural retail politician:

Ron DeSantis is late to this meet-and-greet, where he is trying to resuscitate his campaign for president. There are almost an equal number of journalists as supporters in the small basement. And the reporters shove through the crowd, apologetically smiling over their shoulders. “The media,” a woman near me sighs.

DeSantis finally shows up just after “Bohemian Rhapsody” blasts through the speakers. “I see a little silhouette of a man … ” He takes the stage after Wayne County Sheriff Keith Davis. But there is a problem with feedback from the microphone, “Are we going to get it fixed?” DeSantis says. He doesn’t joke about the noise. Doesn’t find humor in the little campaign mishaps.

He starts with his standard line about sending Joe Biden back to a basement in Delaware. He ends with his meditation on flying into Reagan National Airport and thinking that the best monument to America are the rows of headstones in Arlington National Cemetery. He seems tired. And he’s wearing a vest, long sleeves, and pants in the oppressive 100-degree heat.

[…]

After DeSantis speaks, he moves through the crowd with an intense focus. I lean against the wall, avoiding the scrum, talking to a woman who says she’s “a Trump die-hard” and thinks DeSantis is nice. She’s considering him as a backup.

“In case of what?” I ask. “Death? Jail?”

“You never know what’s gonna happen in America,” she answers. “We probably won’t get a fair election.”

Before I can reply, DeSantis sticks his hand in my face. I hadn’t seen him approaching and, caught off guard, I shake it. He turns on the heel of his signature black, heeled cowboy boots and steps on my toe. He doesn’t hear me yelp as he leans in for a selfie with a supporter. “I wonder how often he steps on people with those boots and doesn’t even notice,” says a man next to me.

Having said that I want to be careful. I find DeSantis an incredibly repellent figure, but I’m not a Midwestern evangelical — Christ, if Ted Cruz and Rick Santorum can win the caucuses, DeSantis could probably scoop pudding with his fingers at every event and still meet the social skills minimum in this context. The real problem is that even in the very highly unlikely event that he wins Iowa..then what?

DeSantis’ campaign strategy is invested heavily in Iowa. But the strategy has one big problem, and that’s Iowa. After all, the story they tell about Iowa is that you have to come here to win. A sign declaring “Iowa picks presidents” adorns the stage at a Republican fundraiser on Aug. 6. The story goes that if you can shake enough hands or eat enough pork tenderloin, you can get to the White House. It’s a small media market. It’s retail politics. It’s butter cows and delivering speeches on hay bales. It’s a congresswoman playing fiddle and many, many cold mayonnaise-based pasta salads. But with the exceptions of Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama, the reality is that Iowa is bad at picking the president, especially Republican ones over the past 20 years. In 2016, Ted Cruz won the Iowa caucuses. Before that, Rick Santorum. Before that, Mike Huckabee. Iowa doesn’t pick the president, they pick the most evangelical reactionary.

At any rate, the piece is highly entertaining.

Speaking of Staten Island’s (non-Wu Tang division) Mayor, I’m reminded of Rudy’s 2008 strategy of just pulling out of state after state as his appearances were inversely correlated with his poll numbers and just putting all of his chips on Florida. It all comes full circle!