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Heel Turn


For cat-related reasons I spent the Memorial Day weekend home alone. I also had a project that I really needed to finish. So naturally I decided to watch some superhero movies. I tried Spider-Man 3 but for some reason my attention slid off it like oil. Then I tried Aquaman.


I know complaints about the bizarre expression of misogyny that dictates that women superheroes must wear outfits that are not suitable for superheroing are hardly novel. But the sight of a Mera, a member of a race of humanoids who live in the open ocean coming out of the water – her natural environment – in heels suggests big old brain worms are at work in a lot of heads.

Most of the time Mera floats, because she lives underfuckingwater. So heels can’t change her posture or gait. But on the off chance she does walk around on dry land, she needs to be wearing footwear that makes her stick out her ass, makes her hips sway more and lengthens the line of her legs, I guess? The rest of her sea princess costume, complete with a neckline that puts the D in decolletage and being worn by Amber Heard wasn’t sexy enough, apparently?

As an aside, the trend of putting superheroines in wedge heels is not an improvement and anyone who thinks so is host to brain worms too. In exchange for a little more stability – sometimes very little if the heel base is narrow – you get more weight. There’s no way to make high heels sensible for someone who is supposed to be running around kicking ass.

High heels on superheroes were overdue for a trip to the dustbin of outmoded esthetics approximately five seconds after some jackass thought of them, but I think the first step away from them – at least on the big screen – would be the Dora Milaje, followed by Captain Marvel. Those examples of women fighting in appropriate footwear may have inspired Johansson to put her foot down on heels for Black Widow. Or maybe she was just sick of it.

“Actually, she refused to wear heels,” Temime says of Johansson. “Always in the other [films] she was wearing heels on the boots, and she decided this year to not do that. She said, ‘This is really uncomfortable and silly. I don’t see why, because I’m a female character, I should wear heels. That’s ridiculous. It’s just an action-y role and I would wear something flat.'”

Yep. And maybe appropriate footwear will catch on. Or maybe not. Wonder Woman’s costume included a wedge heel in both movies because a race of woman warriors would definitely think it was a good idea to sacrifice speed and stability to male eye appeal. The struggle continues.

Unless and until I learn that the 2023 fundraiser hit its goal, I’m going to continue the observations about people who post off-topic comments.

People who post off-topic comments smell like the Hulk’s armpits.

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