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And you thought Twitter Blue was a terrible business idea!

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The CYBERTRUCK, everybody:

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like shit. That is the first thing about it. It looks like somebody should be pulling it out of a men’s size-10 loafer in a shoe store in Times Square. It looks like a beard trimmer that plays Phil Collins songs. It looks like it should come free with a Sports Illustrated print subscription in 1987. Maybe it’ll look better if you hit ctrl-alt-delete a few times or close WordPerfect in the background. Maybe it’s just weird to see it outside of its natural environment, upright on the wall of a public restroom, dispensing paper towels.

Were the Cybertruck not so clearly intended to make a visual statement, you could shrug its ridiculous ugliness off. This is a pickup truck, you would say, in that case. A utility vehicle. Its function is not to be cool-looking. Its function is to haul stuff, possibly off-road. The problem there is that if that were true—”We got to move these refrigerators,” the Cybertruck’s ideal buyer might say, “we got to move these color TVs”—the Cybertruck would not look the way it does; there would be no affirmative reason to make it look like that. But still. You could imagine imagining that its appearance didn’t matter.

Of course, that would require the Cybertruck to do truck stuff capably. Here is a video of a Cybertruck struggling to mount a normal curb, with help from wooden ramps:

Sure, it looks like a 6-year-old’s sketch of a futuristic vehicle, and sure it lacks the hauling and offroad power of, say, a 1985 Yugo, but…I forgot what I was going to say. At least the owner is laser-focused on improving the quality of his company’s vehicles and isn’t devoting most of his time and money to a mid-life-crisis MAGA vanity project.

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