Tucker Carlson’s compelling new season of Tucker Carlson’s Originals will explore spunk & junk

Last night, Nikki McCann Ramirez of Media Matters tweeted “I promise you are not prepared for Tucker’s latest montage.” (Warning, link will put you one click a way from a right wing fever dream of manliness.)

Reader, I’m here to tell you. Nay, to warn you. Even though the right wing’s eternal war for gender conformity is running hotter than usual, patriarchal societies demand that men be intensely concerned about masculinity and virility (their own and other men’s) and Ramirez tried to cushion the shock by including a still shot of boob-enhanced men doing push ups in a field, she was correct.

Because how can one prepare for Man Imitating the Vitruvian Man While Having Carnal Relations With a High-Tech Trouser Press In a Rock Quarry?

One can’t. It is impossible.

At any rate, the video of shirtless men doing normal man things shirtlessly such as push ups, shooting jars of cooking oil, fondling cow teats, swinging axes, flipping tires, drinking raw eggs, wrestling each other, no I’m not making any of it up, is to promote Tucker Carlson’s latest reboot of the Great Precious Bodily Fluids Panic, a topic he regularly milks, this time on Fox Nation’s streaming service.

Great, now everything I type seems to be a double entendre.

Here’s show producer Justin Wells, explaining … something?

WELLS: And you know, the New York Times didn’t love that we were there for a week investigating how they take a different approach to their country. We somehow ended up in Serbia by accident on that trip.

As one does. When one is high all the time and has a large budget.

You know, new surprises along the way. But, you know, I think that’s what makes the series different. I think that’s why it’s resonated with people. That’s why we’re able to go out for season two, cover even more topics that are equally going to be as insightful as what we did in the first season, but nobody’s talked about some of these. Nobody’s talked about testosterone levels or… 

If you don’t count all the people who talk about testosterone levels, including Carlson.

What other compelling, can’t see anywhere else because it would be banned and censored and P.C. policed and cancelled will the viewer get?

WELLS: Fox Nation, you go there, you can sign up and you’re going to get everything from testosterone levels, which you’re going to hear later in the hour. Last season, we covered UFOs and that phenomenon and, you know, we dived into cattle mutilations a little bit, but this season we really are investigating that fine tune, you know, approach to what’s actually happening. 

Oh my hippity hoppiting Jesus. And know they’re on to cattle mutilation makes the picture of the cow teat tweaker seem that much more ominous.