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Thanksgiving Strategies


It’s time for what is probably an annual post, which is asking you how you are going to make the terribleness of turkey edible for Thanksgiving. My own personal preference would be to eat basically anything else. Even if you need a large amount of meat, it’s called ham, assuming you eat pork. And if you don’t, I don’t know, make a couple of lasagnas. I maintain that if turkey was actually good, people would eat it more than once a year, especially Americans, for whom gluttony comes second nature. Given the nation’s average bacon consumption of approximately 300 pounds a year per capita, there are other options out there other than the least appealing of the commercially available meats.

And while I am largely indifferent to most of the traditional Thanksgiving sides, there is nothing really objectionable to any of them, except for when people cover sweet potatoes (or yams) in a ridiculous amount of sugar, rendering them inedible. Stuffing, whatever, but fine. The vegetable sides are usually tasty and cranberries have grown on me over the years.

But I do have to say a word about pumpkin pie, which is objectively the worst of all pies by a country mile. Given the cornucopia of awesome pie choices out there, how did pumpkin become associated with the holidays? And when there is a second pie, it’s so often an oversweetened pecan pie, which isn’t all that much better really. Folks, it’s called apple pie. Also, cherry pie. So. Much. Better.

I know I am going to hear the usual “turkey is actually good and why are you a jerk about this” comments. The problem with this position is that it is wrong and should be ignored. The only exception to this rule is if you are fluent enough in the cuisine of the Yucatan, which is absolutely incredible and which uses a lot of turkey in ways that are actually tasty. If you making some kind of turkey pibil, then go for it.

Anyway, I look forward to the rest of the week being dominated by media stories on how to make turkey edible. Good luck with it.

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