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Yes, I’m a Woman


Yes, I’m a woman.

  • I cry over spilled milk. Or milk that’s been expertly poured. Or just a carton of it, sitting there.
  • I once tried to get a bath by asking random strangers to lick me because “that’s how cats do it.”
  • Sometimes I forget how to breath.
  • I dance like no one’s watching, by wearing a crockpot on my head and running around really fast in tight circles ’til I get dizzy and fall.
  • One time I tried to flirt with a mop.
  • I admit it: I love historical romance novels, like “Mein Kampf.”‘
  • What is a movie? Why is this episode of “Full House” so long and why is everyone dressed in a toga?
  • I like to make my man feel big and powerful so I often dress up like a Hobbit and curl myself into a tiny ball, sexily.
  • I eat pot roast with a spork.
  • Oops, I just crapped myself.

I’m a woman.

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