The Least Self-Aware Moments in Mitt Romney’s #NEVERTRUMP Speech

It’s hard to understand how Mitt Romney’s intervention into the Republican race could possibly change anything. But that doesn’t mean we should deny ourselves its unintentional entertainment value. Here are some of the things said by Mitt Romney, in implicit defense of nominating either Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz as the Republican candidate for president:

In 1964, days before the presidential election which, incidentally, we lost, Ronald Reagan went on national television and challenged America saying that it was a “Time for Choosing.” He saw two paths for America, one that embraced conservative principles dedicated to lifting people out of poverty and helping create opportunity for all, and the other, an oppressive government that would lead America down a darker, less free path.

Hahaha, yes, in the 1964 race Barry Goldwater was the candidate committed to lifting people out of poverty and creating opportunity for all, by, er, repealing Social Security and the Civil Rights Act. Fortunately, he lost in one of the biggest landslides in America’s history, which is central to Romney’s point.

[Trump’s] tax plan, in combination with his refusal to reform entitlements and to honestly address spending would balloon the deficit and the national debt.

I agree — America should not vote for anyone with a tax plan like Donald Trump’s. So, Clinton or Sanders then.

Now not every policy Donald Trump has floated is bad. He wants to repeal and replace Obamacare. He wants to bring jobs home from China and Japan. But his prescriptions to do these things are flimsy at best.

I agree — Americans should not vote for anyone with a quarter-assed plan to replace Obamacare. So, Clinton or Sanders then.

Let me turn to national security and the safety of our homes and loved ones. Trump’s bombast is already alarming our allies and fueling the enmity of our enemies.

Republicans should demand that a foreign policy centered around alarming bombast be delivered by someone with a better haircut!

Think of Donald Trump’s personal qualities, the bullying, the greed,

Whew, thankfully Mitt Romney has taken it upon himself to attack bullying and greed. Now, fetch one of his Cadillacs from the top floor of the elevator.

the misogyny,

As good Republicans, we want disabilities to be imposed on women solely through statutes, regulations and judicial opinions, not campaign rhetoric!

Watch how he responds to my speech today. Will he talk about our policy differences or will he attack me with every imaginable low road insult?

Watch carefully — will he respond to a speech that is mostly a string of insults by insulting me…but with more VULGARITY?

Mr. Trump has changed his positions not just over the years, but over the course of the campaign

Look how carefully Romney phrases this attack, which as a reminder is Mitt Romney attacking someone for changing his positions.

We will only really know if he is the real deal or a phony if he releases his tax returns and the tape of his interview with the New York Times.

If history has taught is anything, it’s that the Republicans should never nominate a plutocrat who is slow to release his tax returns.

Mr. Trump is directing our anger for less than noble purposes. He creates scapegoats of Muslims and Mexican immigrants

Yes, the Republicans should never nominate anyone who would, make a scapegoat out of Muslims or Mexican immigrants! Their choice in 2012 was terrible.

he calls for the use of torture

I agree — Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz should not be president.

Here’s what I know. Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud. His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University.

Republicans should nominate people who are strongly supported by con artists, not the con artists themselves.

He’s playing the American public for suckers: He gets a free ride to the White House and all we get is a lousy hat.

There are people who should use humor in public speeches. Mitt Romney is not one of them.

And in conclusion:

His domestic policies would lead to recession. His foreign policies would make America and the world less safe. He has neither the temperament nor the judgment to be president.

As with most of the of the speech, the problem isn’t so much that the criticism is wrong as that it applies equally to all of Trump’s rivals for the nomination. Perhaps this is the real problem.