Compliments

Some of you have probably seen this remarkably stupid column from the reliably stupid New York Post. If you haven’t, well, as always, you’re welcome. If your clicking finger is broken, the jist of the linked item is that catcalling is awesome provided you have alarmingly low self-esteem. It’s been lambasted here and on twitter. But I have to weigh in on the topic now that it has–in internet time–become nearly irrelevant.

I don’t think every instance of catcalling is an attempt to cow women. I’m sure that sometimes catcalls are attempts at a crude sort of flattery. At the very least, a man is just alerting you to what his boner thinks, which, if you ponder that, is pretty thoughtful. But for the most part, catcalling–even at its most (ostensibly) harmless–is boorish and bothersome. In other words, you’re not making a woman’s day if you scream at her that you want to motorboat her sweet hiney. Also, asking if fries come with the shake is irresponsible and anachronistic. Can’t we swap those fries for a healthier option, like salad? While we’re at it, let’s the ditch the shake. And if you think “Hey baby, does a salad come with that yogurt smoothie?” It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but maybe you should just abandon catcalling altogether if you can’t keep it fresh and modern.

I’ve digressed. The bottom line (omg, I just typed “bottom”) is that for every woman who finds catcalling flattering, there’s a woman who finds it irritating at best and threatening at worst. So if you err on the side of caution (and I believe you should do just that) catcalling really shouldn’t be a thing; it should cease to exist.

By the way, I should clarify that I don’t necessarily have a problem with a woman enjoying being catcalled. This ties in neatly with the subject of selfies, which I also too wanted to address. There’s been a bit of a disagreement about what purpose selfies serve. I even read a comment arguing that thinking selfies are a cry for attention/validation is misogyny. I disagree quite vehemently with that sentiment. I do think selfies often* are a way of searching out attention/validation. But my feeling is that that’s ok. It’s normal to want attention and validation sometimes. It’s normal to–if you’re a heterosexual woman– search out the male gaze once in awhile. Where I think it becomes a problem is if you’re searching out that validation all the time. And I think it becomes a problem if your self-esteem depends almost entirely on that validation. Doree Lewak, I’m looking at you.

*#NotAllSelfies