I Am Not The Reason God Made Oklahoma and I Resent Your Slanderous Accusations

I’m certainly not going to speak against Any Which Way You Can, which clearly provides the greatest chimp-Eastwood pairing we will ever see. And higher power of your choice knows that I would never say anything bad about a song written by Felice and Boudleaux Bryant, not to mention one performed by either David Frizzell or Shelly West, not to mention sung by both. And in fact, Oklahoma is one of my favorite states to drive around.

But Oklahoma sure has some crazy politicians. The state that brought you such necessary bills as outlawing Sharia law in a place that wouldn’t know a Muslim if he prayed to Mecca at the Oklahoma City Memorial has taken wingnuttery to the next level:

A bill introduced in the Oklahoma Legislature has some folks scratching their heads, as it prohibits “the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses.”

Since the bill was introduced late last week by State Sen. Ralph Shortey, a Republican from Oklahoma City, corners of the Internet have been buzzing with the news, as people try to figure out two things: 1) is this real; and 2) is there any reason the bill might be needed?

I love this justification:

The senator says that his research shows there are companies in the food industry that have used human stem cells to help them research and develop products, including artificial flavorings.

“I don’t know if it is happening in Oklahoma, it may be, it may not be. What I am saying is that if it does happen then we are not going to allow it to manufacture here,” Shortey tells KRMG’s Nicole Burgin.

It may be, it may not be, who knows. But we’d better pass a law to make sure. Note that the same principle may also apply to Oklahoma-alien miscegenation. Our women will not commit interplanetary race suicide!

This is really too bad as well. My favorite abortion clinic is in Lawton. I was going to drive there next month in order to pick up a special fetus drawn from a woman fed only on butter and truffles for the 8 1/2 months before she was forced to undergo a partial-birth abortion. The blood from that fetus is great in soup. Since it feels pain, the stress is feels as the abortionist is beating it to death with a hammer adds extra flavor.