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It’s Hard Out There for a Kangaroo

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This had me worried about the kangaroo problem; when we face the onslaught of Svalbard hatched monkey cyborgs, will the kangaroo be at our back, or in our face?

An Australian woman has been saved by a pet dog which leapt to her aid after she was attacked by a large kangaroo, her son has said. The marsupial assaulted Rosemary Neal, 65, at her farm near Mudgee in New South Wales, 265km (160 miles) north-west of Sydney, her son, Darren, said.

“The kangaroo just jumped up and launched straight at her,” he said. “My dog heard her screaming and bolted down and chased him off. If it wasn’t for the dog, she’d probably be dead.”

Terrifying. But then I read this:

A kangaroo met an unlikely death after it bounded into the surf in southern Australia and was mauled by a shark, according to eyewitnesses.

Mr Hurst said he was walking along Torquay beach in Victoria when he saw the marsupial behind scrubland next to the dunes. “It just headed down towards the water and in it went,” he told Australia’s ABC News. “There’s a bit of a rip in that area so… the kangaroo could have been dragged out, but I could still see its head, and that’s when the shark leapt out of the water on its side.

So even if we do face a monkey-cyborg-kangaroo Axis of Evil, we can count on the support of the sharks. This alliance seems well worth the sacrifice of a few swimmers each year; as Churchill said, “if Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favorable reference to the devil in the House of Commons”. We also know that Shark Nation is willing to do battle with the zombie menace:

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