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The woods are lovely, dark and deep


For several years now, I’ve tried to explain to my wife that every 12-year-old boy harbors a secret fantasy of being rescued by a helicopter. As my wife teaches 7th grade and pretty much understands that 12-year-old boys are idiots, she’s actually needed little persuasion here.

With that in mind, I’ll be filing this under “Additional Evidence in Support of Adolescent Male Helicopter Rescue Theory”:

It was not immediately clear exactly how the boy took care of himself or whether he put any of his Scout wilderness training to use. But he had worn two jackets, one of them fleece, and was believed to have a mess kit and potato chips with him when he disappeared. He told the rescue team he had been drinking water from streams.

Searchers spotted Michael walking along a stream before he saw them.

“They called his name. He didn’t respond … Once they said ‘We’re here to rescue you,’ the first thing he said is he wanted a helicopter ride out of there,” said Blue Ridge Parkway ranger David Bauer.

I think Richard Nixon said more or less the same thing in August 1974, but I could be wrong.

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