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Goodbye, and Bad Luck

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Wall_e._weasel's

One of America’s most disgusting politicians — and that ain’t an easy contest! — will be retreating from the slime from whence he emerged:

Rep. Jason Chaffetz will not seek re-election in 2018, two sources who have been informed of his decision told BuzzFeed on Wednesday morning.

Chaffetz later confirmed in a statement on Facebook that he will “will not be a candidate for any office in 2018.”

“Since late 2003 I have been fully engaged with politics as a campaign manager, a chief of staff, a candidate and as a Member of Congress. I have long advocated public service should be for a limited time and not a lifetime or full career. Many of you have heard me advocate, ‘Get in, serve, and get out.’ After more than 1,500 nights away from my home, it is time. I may run again for public office, but not in 2018,” he said.

Donald Trump can be secure that Chaffetz will continue to be his completely servile lickspittle and fail to exercise his institutional responsibilities even if he’s not running for anything.

As for why he’s actually leaving, I have no idea, but this is certainly what I want to be true:

[Jane Alexander voice] If you guys could just get Jason Chaffetz…that would be beautiful.

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  • tsam

    I wonder if it’s about money. He could trade in his iPhone for campaign funds? Just trying to help, buddy.

    • lunaticllama

      No, this more likely a response to when his constituents yelled at him to “do your job” earlier this year at a town hall.

      • tsam

        I know, I was shoving his “get health insurance instead of an iPhone” comments back in his fucked up mug.

        I know if my constituents wanted me to do my job, I’d quit too. The fucking nerve of some people, man. WTF?

    • tahfromslc

      The grift must be tempting for him – he stills sleeps on a cot in his DC office.

  • SoRefined

    So what is his private sector grift going to be?

    • osceola

      Lobbying, of course.

      • DrDick

        A cozy sinecure at Heritage, AEI, or Cato are also possibilities.

        • efgoldman

          A cozy sinecure at Heritage, AEI, or Cato are also possibilities

          I think lobbying pays better.
          Either requires you to lie for a living, but only the “think tank” requires you to organize your thoughts lies in a coherent way, put them to paper, and publish them.
          Way. way too much work for the grift.

  • keta

    It looks like O’Reilly is done and the only question left is who will take over his time slot.

    No spin done spun out.

    • Chaffetz and O’Reilly gone. Today is a good day.

      • DrDick

        Truly!

    • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

      I read that it’s Tucker, who will for the 3rd time during a short period inherit a time slot vacated by resignation.

  • free_fries_

    He and Comey can finally take that vacation together!

  • BiloSagdiyev

    Maybe he just wants to spend more time with wife and children, annoying them.

    • Hogan

      “In an unrelated development, every member of Chaffetz’s immediate family announced that they will run for office in 2018.”

    • tahfromslc

      More like looking them in the eye.

  • Murc

    “I have long advocated public service should be for a limited time and not a lifetime or full career.”

    Because expertise, experience, and learning your trade and carrying that knowledge forward are things only libtards do, am I right folks?

    Christ. The myth of Cincinnatus has much to answer for.

    • Hogan

      If what Chaffetz has been doing counts as “public service,” maybe he has a point.

      • tahfromslc

        Indeed.

  • farin

    Having successfully elected an incompetent madman and roped the FBI into public election tampering, what else is there to accomplish in politics?

    • N__B

      Immanentizing the derpathon.

  • Morse Code for J

    If we are lucky enough to control the House and the Senate in 20 months, a complete investigation into what happened with Russia and the Republican Party is my fondest wish.

    No more well-he’s-retired-it-doesn’t-matter shit, especially in Chaffetz’s case. If anything like probable cause emerges from any investigations for anything on anyone, the material is referred publicly to the appropriate prosecutors (state or federal) via press conference with Pelosi. Maybe even emailed to Wikileaks, in case their mission of radical transparency obtains when Russian cash isn’t bundled with the official documents. Anybody criminally involved at any level in the ratfucking is hounded out of public life and hopefully into jail for as long as possible.

    No more bringing knives to gun fights in the hopes of creating norms favoring knives. Airstrikes from here on out.

  • President Putinfluffer

    Boy, I know I’ll sure miss the mendacious mealy-mouthed motherfucker!

  • Marlowe

    Leaving public office is the second mitzvah that Chaffetz has given us. The first, of course, was his conversion from Judaism (I sure appreciated it). To borrow and paraphrase Charlie Pierce’s oft used phrase for Paul Ryan: thanks, dickhead!

  • Joe_JP

    All The President’s Men reference.

    [Jane Alexander was also in “The Great White Hope”]

    In non-political news (maybe?) Serena Williams is pregnant.

    • Joe_JP

      Christopher Hayes‏Verified account @chrislhayes 2h2 hours ago

      Chaffetz retiring to spend more time with his Hillary Clinton investigation

  • tde

    Utah Governor in 2020, runs for president in 2024.

    • keta

      Yep. If he survives the contretemps surrounding whatever it turns out he stuck/plunged/grasped with his nose/dick/hand.

    • junker

      I saw someone suggest today this might be OK prelude to Hatch retiring and Chaffetz running for that seat.

      • tahfromslc

        No, Hatch’s seat is up in 2018, and JC says he will not run that year. Governor more likely in 2020. As one who was at (outside, couldn’t get inside) his town hall, it did seem to rattle him. I sure hope it did. Plus his neophyte dem challenger has raised more money than him, as reported just the other day by the Salt Lake Tribune.

        • efgoldman

          As one who was at (outside, couldn’t get inside) his town hall, it did seem to rattle him.

          It is fucking amazing to me that none of these RWNJ dickheads know why they were elected and what their fucking job is! They can’t legislate, they don’t want to listen to their constituents….
          It’s becoming a cliche, because it’s true: they are determined to destroy the government as they said they would, by being totally incompetent to run it.

          • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

            I’m more cynical, and think that what they’ve done so far is why they were elected, and is exactly what their job is, at least so far as they care.

    • tahfromslc

      And lots of us in Utah will do our best to make this not happen.

  • sleepyirv

    The spin doctors on either side can say what they want about Georgia-6, rats know a sinking ship.

  • Alan G Kaufman
  • n00chness

    Plenty of wiggle room for JC to pull a Rubio and get back in if he sees fit.

    In the meantime, not nearly as much heat over his Russia inaction. “I’m retiring.” Air-quotes.

    • Plenty of wiggle room for JC to pull a Rubio and get back in if he sees fit.

      Not how the Easter story is usually framed, but, hey. You harrow hell with the saviors you have, not the saviors you want to have!

      • humanoid.panda

        Plenty of wiggle room for JC to pull a Rubio and get back in if he sees fit.

        Big difference between a Senator in one of the most expensive states to run in and a Congressman any Republican should be able to take in his sleep.

  • efgoldman

    One logical conclusion is that he’s getting out while the getting is good. I wonder if he knows where Nunes’ and Granny Starver’s bodies (that they created) are buried.
    Removes what is easily among the top three punchable faces in DC.

  • wengler

    After more than 1,500 nights away from my home, it is time.

    Flash forward two years:

    ‘In news today, former representative Chaffetz accepted a lucrative lobbying job in DC.’

    • efgoldman

      Flash forward two years:

      Flash forward 18 months:
      “The ex-wife of former Utah congressman Jason Chaffetz announced today, that now that the divorce is final, she and the children will be moving to Pago Pago….”

  • josiah

    #funfact: UT-03 was the biggest underperformance by Donald Trump compared to 2012’s Romney.

    The four Utah Congressional Districts were the four biggest underperformances of Trump.

    Wonder if McMullin will run there.

    • tahfromslc

      Not really a good statistic, as Romney is beloved in Utah.

      • josiah

        His district was a bigger underperformer than the other 3 districts in Utah which is mildly interesting to me. 31.1 points compared to UT-04: 28.1; UT-01: 27.7; and UT-02: 22.2. His was the largest Romney district (by current CD lines) in Utah, too. Narrowly beating out UT-01.

        It doesn’t mean much in the scheme of things. Since no other CD outside of Utah was more than a 13 point underperformer. But just something to point out.

  • GHorn

    Maybe he just missed selling herbal supplements and showing you how you too could start your on business on the side selling same…..or was it beauty products……

    • efgoldman

      Maybe he just missed selling herbal supplements and showing you how you too could start your on business on the side selling same

      "We'll even design a web site and facebook page for you."

  • jonp72

    Ken Jennings, the Jeopardy! champion, is both a Utahn and a Democrat. I’ve seen political polls use him as a placeholder example of “most famous Utah Democrat.” He’s a devout Mormon, doesn’t drink, and “tithed” 10% of his Jeopardy! winnings to the church. I can’t think of much anybody in Utah who’d have more of a chance than him. (I know Ken personally. The only drawback for a political career is that his sense of humor is absolutely deadpan bone dry, which not everybody gets.)

  • Pingback: Campus Question – April 19, 2017 | BPI Campus()

    • smott999

      Yeah there’s this thing called KremlinGate,
      Don’t read too much about it here.
      But Flynn wants immunity.
      RUdy cooperating w Auths.
      Sessions recused
      Nunes recused
      Bannon de-operationalized.
      Page dealing.

  • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

    I wonder if Trumps victory, thus either thwarting or at best reducing to minimal gravitas his planned two-year inquisition of Hillary, has caused him to fall into deep depression.

    His CDS is just too strong to allow him to find someone else that he’ll get such a thrill out of focusing his hate upon.

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