The “C” in Charles C. W. Cooke Stands for “Cool”

Now we know. National Review’s arbiter of cool has warned us that from here on out it’s Squaresville for us. Oddly, I am comforted by the idea that we have kept Republicans out of the Oval office so many times as of late, and will probably do so again tonight.

Barack Obama, Jon Bon Jovi, and Bruce Springsteen held a rally in Philadelphia last night. At the end, Hillary Clinton showed up and ruined the vibe.

Hillary–having read this–chokes back tears as she makes her acceptance speech after becoming the nation’s first female president. Somehow, it doesn’t seem worth it now. Charles fucking COOL W. Cooke doesn’t think she’s hip!

Neat, huh? But, watching it this morning, a thought occurred to me: This might be the last period for a while during which the Democratic party is cool. In two months, Barack Obama will be an ex-president, and, if today’s polls are correct, his replacement will be a septuagenarian Nixonian whose aides have spent the best part of three decades trying to make people like her. Although President Obama has been a poor salesman for his ideology — there are few ideas he has made more popular during his presidency — he is generally liked and admired, and he has been for a long time. Hillary is not, and nobody seems to be able to do anything about it. That matters.

Not quite enough though, huh?

Looking at the party’s future prospects, a handful of names come to mind — Cory Booker, Kirsten Gilibrand, Tammy Duckworth, the eternally over-hyped Castro Brothers — but one cannot help but be impressed by how limited the selection is.

Actually that list of names has me pretty psyched even if I’m not 100% in lockstep with them on all the issues. Why he’s arbitrarily decided the Castro brothers are over-hyped is beyond me. Maybe they don’t listen to enough Bon Jovi. *shrug emoji*

 

The Republicans, by contrast, are younger, more diverse, and come from a broader collection of states. The GOP is never going to be cool — a certain squareness is in the nature of conservatism — and, if the party continues as it has this year, it is never going to be taken seriously, either. But if it does decide to change, it seems well-set to do so nevertheless. Who are its leaders? The Senate Majority Leader is 74, so we can put him in the same camp as Warren, Sanders, Clinton, and co. But Paul Ryan, the Speaker of the House, is 46. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, the runners up in this year’s primaries, are both 45. And, going forward, the GOP has a strong range of younger guns just waiting to take the reins. Among them are: Cory Gardner (42), Tim Scott (51), Nikki Haley (44), Susanna Martinez (57), Tom Cotton (39), Dan Sullivan (51), Ben Sasse (44), Joni Ernst (46), Rand Paul (53), Scott Walker (49), Brian Sandoval (53) — and, for now, Kelly Ayotte (48). The oldest governor in the country is a California Democrat; the youngest is a Southern Republican. The oldest senator in the country is a California Democrat; the youngest is a Southern Republican. All is not as it seems in paradise.

This–THIS–is his closing case? It’s like he got super-depressed in the middle of writing that paragraph and just starting listing names and ages. If he weren’t such a dumb do0-doo head, I’d feel sorry him.