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Fresh from the media’s mailbox

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I didn’t ask for this sh-

One of the fun things about being a journalist is I don’t have look for RW shouty types. They come to me:

President Obama’s Credit Card Abuses Are Much Worse Than Marco Rubio’s

Sure, Obama isn’t running for office, and Rubio would probably like people to shut up about the credit cards. But to the dedicated RWer, any excuse to extrude a pile of words about Obama Destroyer of Worlds is a good excuse:

The media have become extremely interested in Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio’s GOP-provided American Express card, which he used between 2005 and 2008 when he was speaker of the Florida House. Apparently, the press is trying to turn the card—which had to be paid off every month—into a proxy for Rubio’s financial honesty and responsibility.

When low-information voters put Barack Obama in the White House, they provided him with a type of credit card—drawn on the U.S. Treasury, otherwise known as taxpayers. Yet for the past seven years the press has been singularly uninterested in how honest and responsible Obama has been with that financial trust.

He goes on. And on. He gets in a jab at Solyndra (really!) and Planned Parenthood and Obamacare. And the press. And the media. And the mainstream media, in case the reader forgets about the press between paragraphs. And then:

Merrill Matthews, Ph.D. is a resident scholar with the Institute for Policy Innovation (IPI), an independent, nonprofit public policy research organization based in Dallas. Matthews is available for interview by contacting ….

Tempting. But neaux.

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  • There is a commenter at Wonkette (or maybe was, as my reading there is irregularly bunched) whose standard response to almost everything is “For fuck’s sake.”

    For fuck’s sake.

    • NonyNony

      I mean, 90% of the time that’s my standard response too. I just say it out loud instead of posting it.

    • Ronan

      *useful abbreviation* FFS

    • “This is all my bum.”

    • Mike G

      The New Yorker’s default cartoon caption works just as well —
      “Christ, what an asshole!”

      • Lee Rudolph

        “Merrill Matthews, Ph.D., would like to add you to his professional network on LinkedIn.”

        • hylen

          For fuck’s sake!

  • efgoldman

    I’m old enough to remember when Republicans had bad policy ideas, but they could do basic arithmetic.
    All you whippersnappers will have to take my word for it.

    • Sly

      “This person can’t possibly be conflating personal credit with U.S. Federal expenditures….” was actually something I thought 15 years ago.

      • JR in WV

        What this Republican is telling us is that O’Bama has MY credit card number, and is charging the USS Ronald Reagan’s nuclear fuel to MY CREDIT CARD!???! Or else what?

        Am I Right? Or, wait a minute, what he’s saying doesn’t make much sense, at all. Less sense than what I wrote in the first ‘graph of my comment here.

        I give up trying to understand Republicans at any level. They aren’t even trying to make sense, just inventing absurd talking points that don’t have any logic or history. It’s a waste of time to talk to them about it, or ask questions. Because the answer is “LaLalALaLaLa, blah blah blah!”

    • DrDick

      I remember those days as well. They ran right up to around 1980, when all the sudden they became innumerate.

      • skate

        They might have lasted until 1981 or 1982. I think it was one of David Stockman’s magic bullet points that finished them off.

        • Kathleen

          They drowned
          When they were trickled down upon.

          Sounds like a country song.

          • Woodrowfan

            needs a pickup truck and an old hound dog, but you’re almost there.

          • efgoldman

            Sounds like a country song.

            Nah. Grammar’s too good.

    • Ahuitzotl

      Dear efgoldman,
      my whipper has lost its snap, what should I do

      yrs
      A Faithful Reader

  • JKTH

    Yeah we haven’t heard anything at all about deficits since Obama took office.

    • JustRuss

      Well, to be fair, we didn’t hear about them when W was in office, aside from the fact that they don’t matter. So he’s sort of right, his timing is just a little off.

      Where did this guy get his PhD?

      • Hogan

        Dr. Matthews received his Ph.D. in Humanities from the University of Texas at Dallas

        I think they must have meant “Ph.D., Inhumanities.”

        • Murc

          … you can get a PhD in just “Humanities?” That’s a thing?

          I’ve heard History PhDs, English Literature PhDs, Fine Arts PhDs, etc. but never just a basic “humanites” PhD.

          • Vance Maverick
            • rm

              Well . . . for fuck’s sake.

              • Charlie S

                Note the possible concentrations allowed. His was no doubt, “The History of (Stupid) Ideas.”

    • tsam

      Thankfully, the lieberal media hasn’t concern trolled the mother loving fuck out of the deficit since Obama took office.

  • Malaclypse

    Yet for the past seven years the press has been singularly uninterested in how honest and responsible Obama has been with that financial trust.

    The stupidity, it burns!

    • That’s from the newly leftist Wall Street Journal though so it don’t count.

    • Mike G

      His Vice President was quoted as saying, “Reagan proved that deficits don’t matter.”
      No wait, that was his REPUBLICAN predecessor.

  • Hogan

    We used to have this thing called Congress that had something to do with budgets and spending and stuff. I wonder what happened to that.

    • I wonder

      Elitist.

    • tsam

      It was done with executive orders, see? What’s a congresspuke to do?

  • humanoid.panda

    There is something almost loveable about screaming about deficits and debt going to kill us all Greece Communism, while shilling for a guy whose tax plan will add 12 trillion dollars to the national debt..

    • ColBatGuano

      Don’t forget those Defense budget increases so we won’t be afraid of Putin.

  • SatanicPanic

    Man, he’s really stretching that metaphor.

    • weirdnoise

      Reading that is definitely a goatse experience.

  • Todd

    The outline of that email would be: Accusations of financial impropriety are made against Rubio. Rubio concedes they are true. Rubio is like Obama.

    Who is Merrill shilling for exactly?

    • efgoldman

      Who is Merrill shilling for exactly?

      Probably Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith

    • NonyNony

      I think that last step is not actually “Rubio is like Obama” but rather “Obama is worse than Rubio, but the LIEBERAL MEDIA won’t talk about it.”

      • Gregor Sansa

        More like “Four legs good! Obama bad!”

    • cpinva

      “Who is Merrill shilling for exactly?”

      since most of the front page headlines on the site are about why we should happily get a second mortgage on our house, to pay for prescription meds, I’d say the drug manufacturers are at least one big donor.

      shake, out of curiousity, did your RW uncle forward this to you? :)

    • Domino

      According to this, it’s Exxon, the Koch brothers, and several other conservative “foundations” whom the best I can tell, exist solely to employ conservatives and give each other hundreds of millions of dollars.

      Side note – is there anything remotely comparable on the left? Is there several multibillionaires who spend their money employing leftists to put out papers year after year stating why the other side is always wrong?

  • D.N. Nation

    Merrill Matthews, Ph.D. is a resident scholar with the Institute for Policy Innovation (IPI), an independent, nonprofit public policy research organization based in Dallas.

    Senior Policy Fellow At The Hoover Policy Institute of American Freedom Enterprise Can The DeVos Family Give Us Money Now?

    • Downpuppy

      Ye Gods, there are 2 generations of him, both with PHDs from UT Dallas, both on wingnut welfare.

      • Lee Rudolph

        Worst origin story ever of this superhero newscycle.

      • BigHank53

        Are we sure they didn’t just cut the original in half, and he regenerated like a flatworm?

        • FUTURE MYTHBUSTER EPISODE

          • Bill Murray

            sadly Mythbusters ends its run with its 2016 episodes which are mostly if not all filmed.

      • Origami Isopod

        Generations on wingnut welfare, proving how detrimental wingnut welfare is to man’s ability and desire to get an honest job in which he’s paid for something other than lying through his teeth.

      • Mike G

        “Multi-generational welfare dependency” – it’s not just for European public housing towers anymore.
        The Kristols, the Podhoretzes, the Goldbergs, the Matthews’ — wingnut punditry is corrosive to the work ethic. Though I can’t imagine these pukes being useful at anything productive.

        • Three generations of RWNJs are enough.

    • rm

      FFS, I have a fuckin’ Ph.D., why can’t I join the fuckin’ gravy train? Where is the Institute for Arguing The Correct Fucking Side, where I could dress in a suit and pull down six figures for doing what I do on the comments boards of blogs?

      • Gregor Sansa

        But I don’t understand; aren’t both sides correct for fucking?

        • Redwood Rhiadra

          Missionary position only…

  • timb

    There was a talk show from Dallas I used to listen to as a kid which used this moron. They featured — prominently — Waco and Ruby Ridge conspiracies and Mena, Arkansas drug running and American Family Association reports on how bad TV was.

    Run by Baptist nutjobs and just funny as hell. Merrill has always been this sort of idiot

  • witlesschum

    When your political ‘this thing is like that thing’ is worse than this:

    In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

    It’s not a good thing.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Shake, you’re doing LGM posts now? Mazel tov! Is that a new thing, or have I just not been paying attention?

    • Guest posting since Oct! See the announcement! Belatedly add your huzzahs! Clicking the byline let’s you catch up on all the posts you missed!

  • DAS

    they provided him with a type of credit card

    Usually “well it’s a type of [X]” is the type of thing uttered by a pre-teen or teenager trying to obtain a privilege they don’t deserve or trying to get away with doing a half-assed job on a chore or something along those lines:

    “Didn’t I tell you to sweep the floor?”
    “Well, I ran across the floor while wearing clean socks, which, when you think about it, is a TYPE of sweeping”

    “Didn’t I tell you that you that you had enough for dessert and if you were still hungry to eat a piece of fruit?”
    “Well, this slice of cherry pie loaded with whipped cream is, when you think about it, a TYPE of fruit”

    • jdkbrown

      “We have plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence!”

      • dr. fancypants

        Newspaper editor: …And to protect Mother Earth, each copy contains a certain percentage of recycled paper.
        Lisa: And what percent is that?
        Newspaper editor: Zero.
        (Lisa frowns)
        Newspaper editor: Zero’s a percent.

  • Gwen

    Institute for Policy Innovation? Such policy very innovation wow

  • weirdnoise

    So what do you call it when tu quoque degenerates into abject inanity?

    • Vance Maverick

      Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell

      • Hogan

        Shall we go?

        Yes, let’s go.

        • weirdnoise

          sigh. Nothing to be done.

  • anothergoal

    Trust me, there are bigger skeletons in Rubio’s closet.

    • He has a T Rex?

      • anothergoal

        Where to start? He has links to Norman Braman, a billionaire auto dealer, who employed Rubio’s wife for his charity for a $1,000 a/week job that barely gave any money for charitable causes. He was able to get loans in shady circumstances. And apparently, he used campaign funds for illegal purposes.

        • efgoldman

          He has links to Norman Braman, a billionaire auto dealer, who employed Rubio’s wife for his charity for a $1,000 a/week job that barely gave any money for charitable causes. He was able to get loans in shady circumstances. And apparently, he used campaign funds for illegal purposes.

          Borderline charity fraud? Check.
          Shady sweetheart loans? Check.
          Misuse of campaign funds? Check.
          Checks all the boxes. Perfect Republican candidate.

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