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Amazing and beautiful:

University of Texas students announced a plan to openly carry dildos in response to a new “campus carry” law that takes effect next year.

The Facebook page for the group Campus (DILDO) Carry has since been flooded with abuse, which moderators are leaving in place to show the kind of aggressive hostility open carry zealots display when they find out they’re being mocked.

The group was founded in protest of Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R)’s signing of S.B. 11, a so-called “campus carry” law which says “license holders may carry a concealed handgun throughout university campuses, starting Aug. 1, 2016.”

According to the Houston Chronicle, the #CocksNotGlocks protesters intend to openly carry brightly colored sex toys on campus in protest.

“You’re carrying a gun to class?” wrote group founder Jessica Jin on Facebook. “Yeah well I’m carrying a HUGE DILDO. Just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.”

Jin invited like-minded protesters to join the group on Aug. 1, 2016 — the first day of fall semester — for a group “strap in.”

This is literally the best possible response one could have to the rise of guns on campus. Open mocking. Of course that doesn’t mean one or all of them isn’t going to be shot. But what else are you going to do. Waving a giant dildo in the face of a gun nut sounds fantastic. Of course these women are taking all sorts of misogynistic abuse from idiots and gun freaks.

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  • Honoré De Ballsack

    But what if you’re already in the habit of publicly carrying around a huge dildo for shock value?

    Asking for a friend.

    • Lee Rudolph

      carrying around a huge dildo for shock value

      Protip: you’ll get more shock value from a Taser™ or, best of all, a violet wand.

      • cpinva

        personally, I started using an electric cattle prod, when my children were young. great motivational (and shock) value. your mileage may vary.

    • UncleEbeneezer

      Or maybe for debating purposes.

      • cpinva

        best takeoff on “12 Angry Men” to date.

      • Ahuitzotl

        thanks, thats the highpoint of the day to date, and hard to top

        • Origami Isopod

          hard to top


  • Origami Isopod


    Gun nuts freak out over Texas students’ #CocksNotGlocks open carry protest — and it’s awesome

    From the article:

    Jin’s private contact information has been made available online — a trolling practice called “doxxing” — and the Facebook wall has been host to statements like this from Ron Cox of Oxford, Mississippi: “I’m guessing that the organizer of this event is a huge slut. Should be funny to watch!”


    • cpinva

      Oxford, MS, home to Ole Miss, and William Faulkner. I submit Mr. Cox knows the former, completely unaware of the latter.

      • tsam

        LOL @ Cox

        Who’s the REAL SLUT??

    • StellaB

      I think the gun problem should be handled at the national level. Why can’t we have a law — no constitutional amendment required — that requires all legal guns to be hot pink with My Little Pony decorations? The thirty round ammo clips can have Disney princess pictures.

  • Warren Terra

    I think they’re great, and doubly brave to mock the gundamentalists and to openly carry rubber schlongs.

    Still, I suspect this tactic is limited: a lot of people won’t be quite so brave in quite this way and would feel icky about joining in; also, I think the conversation will usually be rapidly be sidetracked onto issues of sex and recreational imitation willies, or just onto jokes about sex and recreational imitation willies.

    I’d suggest openly carrying teddy bears or blankies, as something more people might feel comfortable joining in on and as a satire for the way the gundmentalists use their murder machines as emotional supports.

    • DrDick

      In fairness, the guns are just imitation willies as well.

      • The only thing that stops a bad guy with a dildo is a good guy with a dildo. I learned this from the not-quite-oscar-nominated Cockfight at the OK Corral.

        • Lee Rudolph

          Part of the filmography of Umi Matsuzaki.

        • Peterr

          From JijyMonkey in the comments at Jezebel:

          “If he brings a dildo, you bring a Hitachi wand! That’s the TEXAS way!!”

          • Origami Isopod

            I love this person:

            I was much more mature as a child. Twelve year old me would be horrified at my childishness. Then again, twelve year old me did not appreciate how funny butts are.

            When Dylan wrote, “I was so much older then/I’m younger than that now,” he probably wasn’t thinking about how funny butts are. But he should have been.

            • joe from Lowell

              Butt Vikings.

              • Origami Isopod

                A bunch of truly horny guys.

        • cpinva

          I remember that movie. I honestly had no idea, up to that point, that a toy could, in fact, inflict a fatally funny wound

          • Origami Isopod

            I guess you’d never seen A Clockwork Orange?

            ETA: Oops, that was, properly speaking, a sculpture, not a toy.

      • UserGoogol

        In a sense, but guns provide the function of projecting power, while dildos provide the function of providing pleasure. And conservatives in general have very different attitudes about those two roles.

        But also, I mean this isn’t actually about penises. Violence isn’t an aspect of toxic masculinity because people are compensating for their penis size (even if that’s one reason why people may end up embracing toxic masculinity) but because of the complicated baggage of patriarchy, and reactionaryism in general. The idea that there’s something noble and manly about using violence and getting your hands dirty has a deeply problematic history, and gun nuts are tapping into that.

        • cpinva

          “but guns provide the function of projecting power”

          true, and also the real reason these wannabe Rambo’s want to open-carry their metal & plastic, lead spitting dildos around. I guess you just never know when a tree will attack you.

        • To quote a great conservative thinker:

          The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds and makes new life to poison the earth with a plague of man, as once it was. But the gun shoots death and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill. Zardoz has spoken!

          • a great conservative thinker

            The short sentences are trumplike, but the overall rhetoric is more gingrinchian.

            • Ahuitzotl

              gingrichian? not enough grift. The proper Newtism would be ‘Buy guns from me, then go forth and kill. The Newt has spoken’

            • Origami Isopod

              I’d have said Venereal Disease Hanson, but YMMV.

    • I think the conversation will usually be rapidly be sidetracked onto issues of sex and recreational imitation willies, or just onto jokes about sex and recreational imitation willies.

      Someone carrying a big rubber dong by way of protest is already making a joke.

    • efgoldman

      I think they’re great, and doubly brave to mock the gundamentalists and to openly carry rubber schlongs.

      I read elsewhere last night that part of the contradiction they want to heighten is, openly carrying sex toys is against campus rules.

      • and maybe Texas laws. IIRC, you can’t sell sex toys in Texas.

    • Manny Kant

      The thing is, carrying dildos is funny, and gets into the national news. Carrying teddy bears is boring, and nobody cares. Are there more people who would do the latter than the former? Sure, I’d imagine so. Does this mean that would be a more effective protest? I’m doubtful. Because being a good joke is actually important.

      • Origami Isopod

        I agree.

        In any case, carrying teddy bears and blankets can be used by the right wing to portray the left as a bunch of crybabies. Might as well go on the offensive.

        • How about teddy bears fitted with dildos?

          • Origami Isopod

            Today’s the day the teddy bears have their oooorrrrrgy!

            • WabacMachinist

              “When you go down to the woods today you’re in for a big surprise.”

  • DrDick

    If our Republican legislators ever succeed in imitating this (which they have been trying, unsuccessfully, to do), I may be tempted to do this as well. Maybe offer the gun fuckers a much more effective penile substitute.

  • Pretty well sums up our culture.

    We love guns and violence and we’re still pretty uptight about sex.

    • tsam

      The worst part of 2000 was having to decide between 4 years of bush or gore. It was huge dilemma.

      • weirdnoise


    • Cheap Wino

      In the comments to the article in the UT paper there are plenty of people who chimed in to note how immoral these liberal women are because, ewwww, sex.

      • guthrie

        But killing people with your gun is entirely moral…

        • Richard Gadsden

          The only morality is sexual. There’s no moral component in violence or money.

          • Origami Isopod

            …unless it’s a straight cis white right-type-of-Christian man being subject to either from someone unlike himself.

  • Ahenobarbus

    At first I thought that said “Campos Dildo Carry.”

    • Karen24

      I’m sure I speak for all Longhorns when I extend a warm welcome to Mr. Campos to join us next August.

      • njorl

        Heh heh.

  • lornix

    I have a whole new understanding of Erik’s meaning with the whole “head on a pike” thing now.

  • Peterr

    This is truly a masterpiece of protesting. It skewers both the ammosexuals and the fundamentalists who are uptight over sex, especially if it involves ladies who take delight in their ladyparts.

    God knows there are plenty of both groups in Texas.

    • Making this even betterer is the fact that Texas has (or had) laws regulating the sale and ownership of sex toys.

    • Gregor Sansa

      Heheh… “skewers.”

  • matt w

    From the hatespew comments posted in the article:

    If a criminal with nothing to lose found you and held a gun to your head and said he was going to end your life right then and there, and all you had on was a dildo and some school books, would you wish you had a gun hidden on you to protect yourself?”

    It just shows the sad power fantasies behind ammosexuality. First and nastiest, the murder fantasies about a woman who defies you. But also, the whole fantasy of self-defense. Mr. Gun Nut, if a criminal had a gun to your head and you had a gun hidden on you, and you tried to pull that gun, what do you think would happen?

    • jim, some guy in iowa

      yeah, in these cases the “stupid vs evil” question leans way heavily toward stupid- though the evil is definitely present as well

    • Peterr

      A new Darwin award would be given out?

      Researchers in Newcastle UK have studied past Darwin award recipients, and make an interesting observation in The BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal). The abstract of their paper reads as follows:

      Sex differences in risk seeking behaviour, emergency hospital admissions, and mortality are well documented. However, little is known about sex differences in idiotic risk taking behaviour. This paper reviews the data on winners of the Darwin Award over a 20 year period (1995-2014). Winners of the Darwin Award must eliminate themselves from the gene pool in such an idiotic manner that their action ensures one less idiot will survive. This paper reports a marked sex difference in Darwin Award winners: males are significantly more likely to receive the award than females (P<0.0001). We discuss some of the reasons for this difference.

      The paper itself is brief, and entertaining as well.

    • joe from Lowell


      In order to be able to use your concealed gun to protect yourself, you need to be walking around on high alert, on the lookout for threats, constantly aware of both the dangerous tool on your person, as well as what’s going on around you.

      Armored truck guards get paid good money to do that while they’re on the clock. What kind of sicko wants to walk around living his life like that full time?

      • Malaclypse

        Armored truck guards get paid good money to do that while they’re on the clock. What kind of sicko wants to walk around living his life like that full time?

        This, along those same lines, is something everybody should read and think about.

      • Origami Isopod

        This is an excellent argument to use with fence sitters, as it points up the utter fear that such people live in.

        That said, the underlying reward for them is that they just might get to kill an Untermensch of some kind or another. And, quite possibly, never even get charged, much less convicted.

        • CJColucci

          This summer, I was vacationing near Rockland, Maine. The local paper had an op-ed by a former law enforcement officer, with serious experience in dicey situations, explaining how he still felt the need to carry a concealed handgun, as a routine matter, to protect himself in Rockland F*****g Maine. I grew up in Upstate NY and don’t have the visceral distaste many have for guns. I learned to use them safely and with roughly average proficiency, though my skills are somewhat rusty now. That said, I’d probably still be slightly more dangerous to an assailant than to myself. But when I saw this, I nearly spit up my beer. I live in the Bronx, traveling unarmed without fear. By the time I’d read the op-ed, I’d been through all of Rockland, including the dicey parts, seeing my share of derelicts, probable meth dealers, and the like. WTF had this guy so frightened?

          • Origami Isopod

            About the only reasonable explanation I can think of is if he has enemies from his cop days who are still out for his blood. Beyond that, yeah, it’s pure wingnut culture of fear.

            • joe from Lowell

              Well, this guy has an excuse. He actually spent decades as a cop.

              You know that argument I made above that you liked? This guy spent decades walking around armed, doing exactly what I described. Oh, and he got into actual confrontations with criminals.

              That’s gotta do something to you.

              • Origami Isopod

                I agree, but my sense is that these guys see it as a form of taking the red pill.

    • Warren Terra

      This just proves my point that what we really need is concealed carry of hand grenades. Sure, if a mugger has the drop on you there is despite the gun worshippers’ fantasies no way you’ll be able to whip out your gun, aim it, and slaughter the mugger defend yourself – but if you had a hand grenade next to your wallet you could pull the pin and make sure that mugger didn’t get away with your cash and didn’t mug anyone else!

      Better yet, we could legalize hand grenades and ban handguns. Not only does it take a brave mugger to tackle a victim who just might be prepared to annihilate everything in ten yards, it takes a foolish mugger to attempt to rob someone using a hand grenade.

      Also: the prevalence of hand grenades will lead to a resurgence of throwing skills certain to improve Baseball.

      • Improve pitching, not catching.

  • Peterr

    This protest isn’t happening in a vacuum at UT. Per the Houston Chronicle, at least one UT faculty member has announced they will be leaving the school over this:

    “With a huge group of students my perception is that the risk that a disgruntled student might bring a gun into the classroom and start shooting at me has been substantially enhanced by the concealed-carry law,” economics professor emeritus Daniel Hamermesh, who has been at UT since the mid-90s, wrote in a letter announcing his departure. “Out of self-protection I have chosen to spend part of next Fall at the University of Sydney, where, among other things, this risk seems lower.”

    The faculty have their own protest going as well, out of concern for how this will affect classroom discussions, and the same article notes that this new law may make hiring new faculty that much more difficult.

  • OneTimer

    for a group “strap in.”

    On me, not in me

  • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

    Who wants to bet a decent % of the people who are so bothered by her proudly sport Truck Nutz?

    • tsam

      I wouldn’t bet against that. I feel like having trucknutz means I get to kick you in your real nuts, though. (Since you asked)

  • pseudalicious

    This is the best thing I’ve seen all day.

  • witlesschum

    Genius, pure and uncut.

    • Barry Freed

      Genius, yes, I agree. But impure and cut from the looks of them.

  • mojrim

    As the only gun-nut here (at least, I think) I heartily approve of this action. The world needs more and varied pleasure devices carried openly and proudly in the cities, parks, and colleges of our great nation.

  • Karen24

    I haven’t been so proud of my alma mater since the 2006 National Championship game. All this, and beating OU last Saturday; makes me a little nervous about what’s next.

    Seriously, this is the most perfect protest for the stupid law, which goes into effect on the 50th anniversary of the Charles Whitman shooting. Mocking the Republican Lege for this travesty in this particular way is perfect.

    • Lee Rudolph

      which goes into effect on the 50th anniversary of the Charles Whitman shooting.

      Wow. That’s…just…a masterpiece of timing.

      It’s actually sort of charming to imagine all the brave, well-armed people in the plaza aiming their pistols up to the top of the tower and bringing Whitman down in a single coordinated flurry before he could do more than chip a bit of masonry.

      But not as charming as imagining the tower decorated as a dildo for the 50th anniversary. Let it be.

      • Karen24

        I don’t know if it’s deliberate or not, but given our crazy legislators, it wouldn’t surprise me if that wasn’t a deliberate and completely tasteless choice on their part.

      • swkellogg

        As I recall, there were some people on the ground taking potshots at the tower. They nearly hit some of the cops trying to take Whitman out.

  • Karen24

    There is also this.

    • Ahuitzotl

      That’s an impressive trust in the safety catch (amongst other things)

      • joe from Lowell

        I’m supposed to be releasing a safety catch first?

        Dammit, why doesn’t anyone tell me these things?!?

        • Karen24

          You are an Evil Liberal from Massachuesetts. If we tell you how guns work, then you’ll come down here and take all of ours. Or something.

          • joe from Lowell

            Ohhhhhhh, you’re talking about the gun having a safety catch.

            You have no idea how much of a relief this is to me.

      • Lee Rudolph

        The other things including a valiant, patriotic attempt to right-shore and weaponize feats of muscular control long associated with Thailand and ping-pong balls?

    • Hogan

      Funny thing is, in Texas that gun was probably the least incriminating thing she had in the car.

  • Karen24

    And, finally, for those of you who need to be reminded why this kind of protest is so important, The Federalist continues to fight GamerGate on the side of evil. Please, can bspencer or Lemieux give this idiot the rhetorical bludgeoning he deserves?

  • Origami Isopod

    Does anyone else keep visually parsing the hashtag as #CockSnotGlocks?

    It sounds like a yaoi title. It probably is one, actually.

    • Karen24

      Well, NOW it is. ;)

  • Origami Isopod
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