SEK went to the grocery store this afternoon sporting a new hipster mustache to see how people reacted to it…
ONE GUY: Props, my brother, you’re brave. Mad love, man. Mad love.
But that’s to be expected, after all, SEK lives in Louisiana. However…
ANOTHER GUY: Dude, I think you missed a spot.
SEK: Did I?
ANOTHER GUY: An important one.
SEK: Shit, I always forget to shave there.
Lest you have any hope for humanity…
RANDOM TEENAGE GIRL: My friend over there thinks that’s hot.
SEK: Thinks what’s hot?
RANDOM TEENAGE GIRL: You know…
Fine. Have a little hope…
OLD GUY: Son, do you know what that means?
SEK: It’s a hipster —
OLD GUY: You can’t bring that back, son.
SEK: What’s old is new, and —
OLD GUY: Some old is dead.
As SEK was leaving the supermarket, two large men covered in tattoos followed him out. SEK started goose-stepping to his car for fear his social experiment had gotten out of hand. Alas, it had not…
LARGE TATTOOED MAN: Can I just shake your hand, bro?
SEK: I don’t see why not.
LARGE TATTOOED MAN: If more of us were like you, bro, this country wouldn’t even be in this shit.
SEK: I imagine not.
LARGE TATTOOED MAN: Keep fucking the faith, bro.
In case you haven’t figured it out…
I decided to see how people in a Louisiana grocery store would react if I went shopping with a Hitler mustache. I’m sure none of you are shocked to discover that all of the people quoted above were white.
Because everyone else just stared at me.
When I returned home, a friend came to the door and I realized this post would’ve been much better had he arrived an hour earlier, so he could’ve accompanied me and recorded these encounters.
Also — because my friend’s rather muscular — it would’ve been fun to have offered to give that last upstanding citizen my autograph and scribbled my name down in Hebrew, just to see what would have happened.
For some reason, I thought this would make for a very funny post when I came up with it, but now I’m just sad.