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That joke’s not funny any more

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Reminder: When The Onion first billed itself as America’s Finest News Source, that statement was not literally true.

And that’s the way it is.

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  • rea

    “Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is over”–the Onion’s contemporary take on GWB’s inaugural address, and too, too true . . .

    • Walt

      Every book and article about the GW Bush administration will open with that quote for the rest of time.

      • Karen

        It should have been the title for his autobiography.

    • LeeEsq

      I still think that the best Onion headline was “Tearful homosexual admits he’s governor of New Jersey.”

      • TribalistMeathead

        No, the best Onion headline was “Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Wasn’t Legitimate.”

        Second place is a tie between every single article related to the Paterno scandal. No, wait, it’s “Penn State Bans The Who’s ‘Fiddle About’ During Games.”

        • LeeEsq

          If your from New York or maybe Pennsylvania than the “tearful homosexual” headline has a special place because of a long tradition of New Jersey jokes.

          • TribalistMeathead

            If my what is from New York or Pennsylvania?

          • Johnny Sack

            Jokes which make no sense if you’re from PA, given how great a state Jersey is. PA and CT are for people too cheap to pay Jersey taxes. NY’s all right though but they’re not so much better that they should talk.

            Pass the pork roll egg and cheese.

            • Johnny Sack

              Also, New York does not have any Wawas. Case closed. And I will grudgingly admit that they originated in PA

        • oldster

          You have to know that song in order to laugh.

          But if you know that song, then–oh, god, that is funny. Really, horribly, atrociously funny.

          • LeeEsq

            Esepcially if you saw the Tommy movie.

          • TribalistMeathead

            You also have to know that Sweet Caroline was banned from Penn State football games because of the “touching me, touching you” lyric. I did not know that when I first saw that headline.

      • Origami Isopod

        “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?” will never get old.

        • Cheap Wino

          “And where did he get those fantastic boots?”

        • Halloween Jack

          I’ve linked to that I don’t know how many times, especially WRT the latest hypocritical GOP outed politician scandals.

        • Rarely Posts

          I agree. If I had to vote:

          – “Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is over”: Best Headline

          – “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?”: Best overall story, because it just keeps building and building on itself.

      • Karen

        “what was The Onion’s best headline” is better tinder for a flame war than “does God exist?” “Paul was better than John” and anything about abortion combined.

        • Walt

          Ironically, given your comment, the best Onion headline is “Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”.

          • Karen

            Well, it still needs a Beatles and deity reference, but it’s still great.

            • Cheap Wino

              Wait, I though Paul was better than John was a bible flamewar!

              • rea

                Matthew, Mark and Luke–the Syncopated Gospels–are better than John

              • Micky Kaus

                A tongues-of-flame-war.

            • Bill Murray

              well it was the Beatles are bigger than Jesus Abortionplex

        • James E. Powell

          Slight related topic – Favorite National Lampoon’s Onion-esque “News on the March” headline “John Paul elected Pope. George, Ringo miffed.”

      • Katya

        “Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job” on the first election of Obama.

        But really, the best is “God Answers Little Boy’s Prayer: ‘No,” Says God” It’s a little boy in a wheelchair who prayed to be able to walk again.

      • Jeffrey Beaumont

        I’m favorable to some of the “Our Dumb Century” headlines:

        “Tibetan Rebels seize some baskets, and a yak; “Whatever” say Chinese”

        “Imperial Japan Slowly Coming to Regret Alliance with Racist Superpower”

      • Halloween Jack

        My personal favorites are “Drugs Win Drug War” and “Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day”.

    • LeeEsq

      I like their take on the 2004 election, “Nation’s poor win election for nation’s rich.”

      “President to dispatch vowells to Bosnia” was also a classic.

      • calling all toasters

        2008 was even (I thought) better: “Black man gets nation’s worst job.”

        • LeeEsq

          That was a classic.

      • brandon

        The 2000 election had the best coverage though. :D

        NATION PLUNGES INTO CHAOS

    • toberdog

      How about the oldie but goodie, “ACLU Defends Right of Nazis to Burn Down ACLU Headquarters.”

      • Anna in PDX

        That was from Our Dumb Century, right? I also remember “It’s not a crack house, it’s a crack HOME!” being pretty funny in an awfully dark way.

    • Linnaeus

      “Who Do I Have To Blow To Win The Bancroft Prize In American History?”

    • gocart mozart

      “Black man given worst job in world” with a photo of Obama

    • joe from Lowell

      I remember reading that and thinking “That’s a little of the top.”

      “At least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.” C’mon, guys, it’s a funny gag, but you’re really beating it into the ground.

      Heh. Heh heh. Heh.

      Sob

      • joe from Lowell

        over the top,” that is.

  • cpinva

    remember, The Daily Show is billed as a “fake news show”.

  • Todd

    I personally don’t think we’ve reached “Peak Miley”.

    • EH

      I’m pretty sure there are several people on her payroll specifically employed to think of news ways to stave that off. She is being specifically engineered for stardom over the next decades. Her dad was merely an R&D prelude.

  • LeeEsq

    The humor in the article seemed misplaced, it seemed something more appropriate for Cracked’s style of humor. There needs to be a sort of earnest seriousness for Onion style humor.

    • EH

      How is it more appropriate for Cracked? There are no numbers in the headline.

      • LeeEsq

        The humor of Crack is more direct than the Onion. When the Onion points things out, it does so in a more indirect fashion.

      • Anna in PDX

        5 ways this article is like a Cracked article…

  • Origami Isopod

    Oh, and yeah. The Abortionplex.

  • Halloween Jack
  • NBarnes

    “Suborbital ballistic engineer not exactly a rocket scientist.”

    • Anna in PDX

      Ha! That’s a great one. I think I must have missed it at the time.

    • wjts

      “Standard deviation not enough for perverted statistician.”

  • Joey Maloney

    I don’t remember the headline, but the article about God’s press conference right after 9/11 was breathtaking.

    • Ian

      The whole issue after 9/11 was astonishing, both taking the horror of it seriously and laughing at it.

      “US vows to defeat whoever we’re at war with”

      “Not knowing what else to do, woman bakes American flag cake”

      “American life turns into bad Jerry Bruckheimer movie”

      • NBarnes

        “God angrily clarifies ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ rule”

        • Bilbo

          “Jocks, Cool Kids Safely Resume Bullying at Columbine High”

          • Bilbo

            This late ’90s Onion headline was pretty good too:

            “Gingrich Proposes Early Death Incentives to Reform Social Security”

            • Porlock Junior

              So Alan Grayson was cribbing from The Onion?
              Showing his good judgment.

  • Anna in PDX

    All my favorite Onion headlines are mentioned in this thread. I need to save it somewhere so I can reread it every so often.

    I agree with JfL that the prescient “Nation’s long nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over” is more conducive to crying than laughing.

  • I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned Our Dumb Century’s HOLY SHIT: MAN WALKS ON THE FUCKING MOON.

    (HISTORIC FIRST WORDS: “HOLY LIVING FUCK.”)

  • dybbuk
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