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Reminder: When The Onion first billed itself as America’s Finest News Source, that statement was not literally true.
And that’s the way it is.
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“Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is over”–the Onion’s contemporary take on GWB’s inaugural address, and too, too true . . .
Every book and article about the GW Bush administration will open with that quote for the rest of time.
It should have been the title for his autobiography.
I still think that the best Onion headline was “Tearful homosexual admits he’s governor of New Jersey.”
No, the best Onion headline was “Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Wasn’t Legitimate.”
Second place is a tie between every single article related to the Paterno scandal. No, wait, it’s “Penn State Bans The Who’s ‘Fiddle About’ During Games.”
If your from New York or maybe Pennsylvania than the “tearful homosexual” headline has a special place because of a long tradition of New Jersey jokes.
If my what is from New York or Pennsylvania?
Jokes which make no sense if you’re from PA, given how great a state Jersey is. PA and CT are for people too cheap to pay Jersey taxes. NY’s all right though but they’re not so much better that they should talk.
Pass the pork roll egg and cheese.
Also, New York does not have any Wawas. Case closed. And I will grudgingly admit that they originated in PA
You have to know that song in order to laugh.
But if you know that song, then–oh, god, that is funny. Really, horribly, atrociously funny.
Esepcially if you saw the Tommy movie.
You also have to know that Sweet Caroline was banned from Penn State football games because of the “touching me, touching you” lyric. I did not know that when I first saw that headline.
“Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?” will never get old.
“And where did he get those fantastic boots?”
I’ve linked to that I don’t know how many times, especially WRT the latest hypocritical GOP outed politician scandals.
I agree. If I had to vote:
- “Our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is over”: Best Headline
- “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?”: Best overall story, because it just keeps building and building on itself.
“what was The Onion’s best headline” is better tinder for a flame war than “does God exist?” “Paul was better than John” and anything about abortion combined.
Ironically, given your comment, the best Onion headline is “Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”.
Well, it still needs a Beatles and deity reference, but it’s still great.
Wait, I though Paul was better than John was a bible flamewar!
Matthew, Mark and Luke–the Syncopated Gospels–are better than John
well it was the Beatles are bigger than Jesus Abortionplex
Slight related topic – Favorite National Lampoon’s Onion-esque “News on the March” headline “John Paul elected Pope. George, Ringo miffed.”
“Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job” on the first election of Obama.
But really, the best is “God Answers Little Boy’s Prayer: ‘No,” Says God” It’s a little boy in a wheelchair who prayed to be able to walk again.
I’m favorable to some of the “Our Dumb Century” headlines:
“Tibetan Rebels seize some baskets, and a yak; “Whatever” say Chinese”
“Imperial Japan Slowly Coming to Regret Alliance with Racist Superpower”
My personal favorites are “Drugs Win Drug War” and “Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day”.
I like their take on the 2004 election, “Nation’s poor win election for nation’s rich.”
“President to dispatch vowells to Bosnia” was also a classic.
2008 was even (I thought) better: “Black man gets nation’s worst job.”
That was a classic.
The 2000 election had the best coverage though. :D
NATION PLUNGES INTO CHAOS
How about the oldie but goodie, “ACLU Defends Right of Nazis to Burn Down ACLU Headquarters.”
That was from Our Dumb Century, right? I also remember “It’s not a crack house, it’s a crack HOME!” being pretty funny in an awfully dark way.
“Who Do I Have To Blow To Win The Bancroft Prize In American History?”
“Black man given worst job in world” with a photo of Obama
“I’ll be honest, when that black guy said he would ‘stop at nothing’ to get change, it kind of scared me,” local mechanic Phil Nighbert said. “Just leave me alone.”
I remember reading that and thinking “That’s a little of the top.”
“At least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.” C’mon, guys, it’s a funny gag, but you’re really beating it into the ground.
Heh. Heh heh. Heh.
“over the top,” that is.
remember, The Daily Show is billed as a “fake news show”.
I personally don’t think we’ve reached “Peak Miley”.
I’m pretty sure there are several people on her payroll specifically employed to think of news ways to stave that off. She is being specifically engineered for stardom over the next decades. Her dad was merely an R&D prelude.
The humor in the article seemed misplaced, it seemed something more appropriate for Cracked’s style of humor. There needs to be a sort of earnest seriousness for Onion style humor.
How is it more appropriate for Cracked? There are no numbers in the headline.
The humor of Crack is more direct than the Onion. When the Onion points things out, it does so in a more indirect fashion.
5 ways this article is like a Cracked article…
Oh, and yeah. The Abortionplex.
So, What’s It Going To Be?
“Suborbital ballistic engineer not exactly a rocket scientist.”
Ha! That’s a great one. I think I must have missed it at the time.
“Standard deviation not enough for perverted statistician.”
I don’t remember the headline, but the article about God’s press conference right after 9/11 was breathtaking.
The whole issue after 9/11 was astonishing, both taking the horror of it seriously and laughing at it.
“US vows to defeat whoever we’re at war with”
“Not knowing what else to do, woman bakes American flag cake”
“American life turns into bad Jerry Bruckheimer movie”
“God angrily clarifies ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ rule”
“Jocks, Cool Kids Safely Resume Bullying at Columbine High”
This late ’90s Onion headline was pretty good too:
“Gingrich Proposes Early Death Incentives to Reform Social Security”
So Alan Grayson was cribbing from The Onion?
Showing his good judgment.
All my favorite Onion headlines are mentioned in this thread. I need to save it somewhere so I can reread it every so often.
I agree with JfL that the prescient “Nation’s long nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over” is more conducive to crying than laughing.
I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned Our Dumb Century’s HOLY SHIT: MAN WALKS ON THE FUCKING MOON.
(HISTORIC FIRST WORDS: “HOLY LIVING FUCK.”)
How about some “Miley and the Law” legal scholarship? Here is a promising start:
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