I know Cheney jokes are easy, but this is still awesome:
“The Cheney Museum offers a firsthand look at the life and work of our nation’s 46th vice president,” said head curator Jonathan Luddom, a 7-foot-tall blind cavern dweller with third-degree burns on his face and limbs. “From the Hall of Obfuscation, to the Pit of Yellowcake Uranium, to the interactive waterboarding exhibit for kids, this library is a stirring tribute to who Mr. Cheney is and what he believes in.”
“Now I must go and search for food and moisture,” continued Luddom, moments before being devoured by a swarm of ravenous bats.
The museum, which officials confirmed is under constant and comprehensive video and audio surveillance at all times, from all possible angles, will feature ceaseless cackling heard in the distance, noxious fumes, and a preserved recreation of Cheney’s office, including the former vice president’s desk, reportedly made from the skulls and femurs of over 4,000 dead Iraqi civilians.
Sources also reported that the library’s Quagmire Wing contains an endless, unannounced chasmic drop into total nothingness.
“The exhibit on how he created a sprawling security state is amazing—I learned so much,” said visitor Emma Moser, 29, as Black Ops agents tracked her every movement. “And it was so cool reading about what a huge part he played in destabilizing the Middle East for generations to come. What a fascinating life!”
“And I can’t believe that’s his original heart preserved in a glass case in the atrium!” Moser added. “It was neat how it was all charred and blackened.”