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Why the Collins “non-story” will matter

[ 50 ] April 29, 2013 |

The most important aspect of Jason Collins’s decision to become the first theoretically employable openly gay male in a major American sport isn’t that this “accomplishment” requires that many qualifiers, but that he has a twin brother who’s a heterosexual. So much of the rhetoric about homosexuality focuses on whether God made homosexuals gay or whether they’ve turned their back on the Lord by succumbing to learned perversions. The distinct sexualities of the Collins twins seem a boon to those who think homosexuals are etymological perverts: Jason has “turned aside” from the righteous path that is his birthright. Why did he do so? He was converted by childhood trauma or an agenda-driven homosexual into thinking his feelings for other men were normal; which is to say he “turned with” an individual who convinced him that other men were as attractive as women.

God didn’t put the gay in him — someone abused it into him. Whether that abuse is sexual or rhetorical in nature matters less than the simple fact that it’s abuse. That it’s become socially acceptable for prime-time faggots to queer the very foundation of marriage is a sign that American culture’s in steep decline. Children are being converted into perverts — are turning with those who would turn them aside — and political correctness prevents decent people from objecting to this abuse. But all this talk of conversion and perversion obscures the fact that homosexuals haven’t always had their agenda implemented as precisely as a Zionist plot. Homosexuals were once considered a diaspora of narcissists who wandered the world looking for themselves. They were inverts. They’d “turned inward” and demanded of others the love the mirror denied them.

Which is only to say that the operative metaphor changed.

What was once thought to be a loathsome inversion of God’s love has become what happens to children when they watch Glee. Because when you introduce contemporary American culture into the classic conversion narrative you end up with a system of dissemination indistinguishable from infection. You don’t need to convince someone to “turn with” you if society’s “putting in” or “doing to” them what the homosexual agenda wants it to. Which is why conservatives express their concerns about Collins’s revelation by not caring with thunder. So long as they ignore its importance the epidemic can be contained. They want Collins to become a non-story.

Hence the significance of the fact that Jason Collins has an identical twin brother who’s straight. The temptation to use Jarron Collins’s heterosexuality as proof that Jason was either converted to or infected by homosexuality will prove too great. That Jarron shares Jason’s DNA but not his perversion demonstrates once and for all that God doesn’t sanction the birth of gay babies. Jason couldn’t have been born this way because Jarron was too and look at him. Which means homosexuality is essentially a function of bad parenting: parents either didn’t pay enough attention to who tended to or played with their children or they allowed their children to be exposed to the pernicious influence of American culture. Better parenting can prevent children from being converted or infected by homosexuality by regulating who their children meet and what culture they partake.

That Jason and Jarron met the same people and partook of the same culture isn’t significant because the first theoretically employable openly gay male in a major American sport couldn’t have been born homosexual. Science says that stuff with the same genes is identical and therefore the gay can’t be genetic. You’ll see this argument repeatedly in the coming months — not because it’s valid but because Jarron Collins prefers sex with women. No grand conversation about how the same genes can express themselves differently depending on environmental factors will be had. The word “epigenetic” will not enter the national discourse. Why not?

Because as I type these words conservative “journalists” are combing through Jarron Collins’s life trying to discover where it differs from Jason’s. They’re searching for the Holy Grail of Gay and will use their rudimentary understanding of genetics to prove that someone either proffered Jason a sip or forced it down his throat. Jarron will become proof that Jason could’ve been “normal.” In short the “facts” of this particular case — as they understand them — accord too neatly with operative conservative metaphors for them to let it become a non-story. They will run with this because they mistake language for logic. They will run with this because they mistake logic for science. They will run with this because it eliminates God from the suspect pool.

And unless we point out that theories based on “conversion” and “infection” as are arbitrary as those predicated on “inversion” they will be successful.

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  1. MAJeff says:

    Because as I type these words conservative “journalists” are combing through Jarron Collins’s life trying to discover where it differs from Jason’s. They’re searching for the Holy Grail of Gay and will use their rudimentary understanding of genetics to prove that someone either proffered Jason a sip or forced it down his throat. Jarron will become proof that Jason could’ve been “normal.”

    And they will invite Tony Perkins, Pat Robertson, and William Donaghue to opine on this issue. Then, they will bring in the big guns…Jenny, who will tell us the real problem is that Senator Craig’s wide stance was too wide, and that a position at the urinal instead of in the stall could have saved him, and Collins, and Jenny…

  2. SEK says:

    Where the fuck did I put all my commas?

  3. Anonymous says:

    I have two sisters who are identical twins. One is right-handed and one is left-handed.

    Clearly the lefty was converted or infected by sinister forces.

  4. OmerosPeanut says:

    Would they ever have a field day with the gay brothers in an incestuous relationship I read about in Slate’s advice column one day.

  5. dms says:

    Lector,

    So that’s why my older siblings treat me like dirt. They know I killed my right-handed twin. Talk about gauche.

  6. Hogan says:

    This post makes my soul happy.

  7. RepubAnon says:

    Well, the one obvious factor differentiating the two brothers is that one is a pro basketball player and the other isn’t. Obviously, therefore, playing basketball causes The Gay – and all sports programs need to be banned to preserve out souls…

    (/snark)

    • aimai says:

      So there isn’t a basketball gene either?

    • commie atheist says:

      Both have played pro ball. Both starred at Stanford, and went on the be marginally productive pros, with surprisingly similar stats (Jason: 3.6 points and 3.8 rebounds per game; Jarron: 3.9 point, 2.9 rebounds per game). Even more interesting is that Stanford had another pair of identical twin 7-footers a few years later, Robin and Brook Lopez. Both are also pros, although Brook has had by far the better career. No word on either one’s sexual preference.

  8. Steve S. says:

    Hence the significance of the fact that Jason Collins has an identical twin brother who’s straight. The temptation to use Jarron Collins’s heterosexuality as proof that Jason was either converted to or infected by homosexuality will prove too great.

    For the sake of argument let’s say that they are right. So what?

    Yes, I realize it’s important to some people. It means zero to me. I care as much as if I found out that one straight male twin liked tits and his brother liked ass.

    In fact, from a certain perspective I should be rooting, as a straight male, for more males to “choose” homosexuality, since that shrinks the pool of competitors for straight females.

  9. Lego My Eggo says:

    It would be shouting into the wind, of course, to point out the godbothering mouthbreathers that science has known for some time that “identical” twins are not, in fact, genetically identical.

  10. Another Anonymous says:

    And I see that my Dolphins’ new wide receiver has been the first to shoot his mouth off. We haven’t had time to shake the Pittsburgh off him, people. Let him hang around South Beach a while, and we’ll get him all tolerant and shit.

  11. Alison says:

    Yeah, I’ve been wondering about this. I also wonder what these same people would say about identical twins who ARE both gay, like Tegan and Sara. I mean…do they think they both chose to be gay because TWINSIES, like wearing matching outfits?

  12. Pseudonym says:

    Since life begins at conception and is determined by having unique human DNA, Jason and Jarron are actually the same person, who is half-gay.

  13. Sophie says:

    Are you sure they’re identical twins? They don’t look identical. I don’t see any reference in the SI stories to their being identical. I assumed they were fraternal twins.

    • SEK says:

      That’s what they were saying on NPR yesterday. Even if they’re not, though, it’s not like conservative’s “sophisticated” knowledge of genetics will cause them to change their tactics. I assume they’ll make the same argument whether they’re fraternal or identical.

  14. Dave says:

    What gives me the most pain in all of this is the concept of monocausal explanation…

  15. rea says:

    I’ve always enjoyed the way the “It’s a choice!” theory boils down to “everyone’s gay!”

  16. MosesZD says:

    That Jarron shares Jason’s DNA but not his perversion demonstrates once and for all that God doesn’t sanction the birth of gay babies. Jason couldn’t have been born this way because Jarron was too and look at him. Which means homosexuality is essentially a function of bad parenting:

    Maybe they need to learn about epigenetics. There is more to the development process than your DNA which sets a general pattern which is substantially influenced by the developmental environment.

    Case in point – schizophrenia. In identical twin pairs where one is schizophrenic, about 52% of the time the other twin is NOT. Yet schizophrenia is considered to be a mental disorder with a very strong genetic origin.

    Which gets us to: DNA is not a guaranteed fate and the development process of any embryo is extremely complex and even genetically identical embryos will express their characteristics differently.

    Read about CC and Rainbow. CC is the clone. Rainbow the donor. They are, genetically, identical. Look at the pictures. They don’t look alike at all.

    That’s epigenetics for you. That’s how fetal development, in the real world, not some science-fiction show, works. Every embroyo, even twins, has its own fate — whether subtle or gross.

    • SEK says:

      Maybe they need to learn about epigenetics.

      Part of my point is that they’re never going to learn about epigenetics, because their arguments are stronger if they don’t.

      • Tehanu says:

        They’re never going to learn about anything, because they are too mentally lazy and self-absorbed to learn. Hearing and then regurgitating something that sounds plausible and supports their image of themselves as superior to everyone else is as much as they can handle.

  17. Ron E. says:

    How about this? It doesn’t matter why Jason Collins or anybody else is gay because First Amendment.

  18. JREinATL says:

    Two things:

    First, twin studies concerning homosexuality have been around for decades and this sort of thing is old news. (IIRC, the vast majority of identical twins are either both gay or both straight, but there’s a statistically significant number of cases where one is gay and the other is straight. But this doesn’t prove that anyone “chooses” to be gay, just that there can be environmental factors that influence sexuality that still may or may not be within a person’s control).

    Apparently conservatives can only read in so far as something is boiled down for People magazine.

    Second, “by not caring with thunder.” Wild Bill Hickok approves.

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  21. Breadbaker says:

    Steve and Mark O’Donnell, the writers, one straight, one gay, one lefthanded, one righthanded, both professional comedy writers (Mark sadly died last year). I could always tell them apart, mainly because Steve and I were friends while Mark was up in the clouds with the really cool Poonies and didn’t know me, so one would look through me and the other greet me warmly.

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