America’s Dumbest Pundit

You may remember Mark Judge from such Konservative Komedy Klassics as “the unknown person who stole my bike must have been a shiftless Negro” and “Bryce Harper is a hustling Republican, while Democrats like Jason Heyward stroll up to the ball as if he were a young buck sidling up to the checkout counter to purchase T bone steaks with food stamps.” These columns alone would have established a clear claim on the title of the country’s dumbest hack. But give Judge credit — like Bryce Harper, the first player in major league history to try to stretch a single into a double, he’s not one to rest on his laurels. So his recent “where all the cool chicks at” thing was a strong entry, supplementing his usual racism with some prime misogyny. And yet, I don’t think it’s the dumbest thing he’s written this month. Consider this piece about the new New Republic. Judge sees some parallels with history:

The parallels are obvious. How sad but unsurprising that they don’t see them. Chris Hughes, the new owner of the liberal magazine the New Republic, is that magazine’s new Stephen Glass. Glass, of course, is the notorious fabulist who made up, then published, at least three dozen fake stories in the New Republic in the late 1990s. Glass got away with it because he was surrounded by fellow journalists who cared more about looking hip and cool than the truth.

So, how is the first issue under Hughes just like a guy who made up a couple dozen articles out of whole cloth? Because 1)Hughes published a measured article about the Republican Party by known Trotskyite Sam Tanenhaus and 2)Ann Coulter and Marty Peretz disagreed with it. That’s the argument, I swear. Also Judge is very upset that Dave Weigel would bring his phoney-baloney “circulation figures” to a discussion about how Marty Peretz destroyed the magazine he purchased with his wife’s money, rather than answering Peretz’s silly criticisms of the Tanenhaus article.

Jesus, what a pathetic operation Tucker Carlson is running.

46 comments on this post.
  1. Epicurus:

    “Jesus, what a pathetic operation Tucker Carlson is running.”

    I do trust that this is not the first time this has come to your attention.

  2. Incontinentia Buttocks:


  3. JKTHs:

    Jesus, what a pathetic operation Tucker Carlson is running.

    Is there any other kind of Tucker Carlson operation?

  4. Rick Massimo:

    “Bryce Harper, the first player in major league history to try to stretch a single into a double …”

    I don’t think he claimed that Bryce Harper was the first player to do this. It’s just that Harper does it for the RIGHT reasons – for the team, as opposed to those blah players who do it to pad their stats. You can tell the difference just by looking at them – I mean, um …

  5. Kurzleg:

    Since I don’t click through, I can’t verify Scott’s claims. However, a URL that includes the words “The New New Republic and Its Gutless Toadies” strongly implies that the claims are indeed correct.

  6. SP:

    I discovered a couple years ago that I have an uncomfortably low Bacon number to Marty Peretz. It made me feel dirty.

  7. JL:

    Hughes seems like a decent-enough guy for someone with his level of money and power. A decade ago, when he was a college freshman, he actually spent a year volunteering at one of the same social justice orgs that I volunteer at now, and there’s a volunteer I’m regularly on shift with who remembers showing him the ropes way back when. And he’s involved in some good causes now. I have some hope for TNR under him.

    America’s Dumbest Pundit is a tall order given the stiff competition, but this is indeed a fine entry.

  8. c u n d gulag:

    It must be tough to accept a job from Tucker, because in that moment, if you’ve got any brains at all, ya gotta realize that there’s nowhere else for you to go to when you feck-up again – you have just hit rock-bottom.

    But then, if you had any brains at all, you wouldn’t be in the position of having to take a job from Tucker, so I guess there’s no degree of self-awareness going on anyway.

  9. Hogan:

    Not quite the first, no.

  10. TT:

    “Blue collar work ethic”, “hustle”, “teammate” = white athlete

    “Lazy”, “gifted”, “athletic”, “individual” = black athlete

  11. Cody:

    Come now, this isn’t true at all. We all know there are any number of really bad right-wing publications one can find a job at. A few cocktails with the right person, and you can be climbing the loon ladder once again.

    You know Tucker’s staff is valuable, because they make money. And money of course is the ultimate indicator of skill, as capitalism is completely merit based.

  12. sharculese:

    To be fair eventheliberal New Republic becoming liberal again would make lazy conservative pundit’s jobs ever so slightly harder, so you can understand why they would be upset.

  13. commie atheist:

    I thought Jim Hoft had that pretty much locked up.

  14. JKTHs:

    Don’t forget “glue guy” “intangibles” “heart”

  15. Hogan:

    I can see he’s gritty, but is he really scrappy?

  16. c u n d gulag:

    Yeah, I forgot about the ‘not-kewl-at-all’ kids running still-dead Breitbart’s internet rag.

  17. cpinva:

    i feel i must defend mr. harper. it isn’t his fault that a pathetic douchebag has made him the object of his warped, ideological desire, and i suspect it would creep him out if he knew. he (harper) seems like a nice enough young man, who enjoys playing baseball, and is trying, diligently, to be the best he can at it, through hard work, not family connections. if anything, that makes him a progressive democrat, but i have no clue what his politics are, if he even has any.

  18. BigHank53:

    Wait, that’s not a coital Bacon number, is it? Because….ick.

  19. rea:

    Clown question, bro.

  20. DrDick:

    Any operation that even hires Tucker Carlson, let alone is run by him, is by definition pathetic.

  21. drkrick:

    He’s a Nevada Mormon, so GOP would be the way to bet.

  22. rea:

    Harry Reid is a Nevada Mormon, you know.

    Harper hasn’t said a word in public about politics, as far as I can tell.

  23. Manju:

    Conservative Certain Black Guy Stole His Bike

    I am in outrage over LGM’s failure to disclose this material fact: Conservatives were also not pleased to hear Judge assume that a black guy stole his bike.

    After all, why exclude Sharon Sweet?

  24. Aaron Baker:

    “America’s Dumbest Pundit.” The competition for that prize is so fierce, I’m quite at a loss whom to favor.

  25. Hogan:

    At that level of competition, the real honor is just being nominated.

  26. The Dark Avenger:

    Victor Hansen David got a chainsaw swiped by a librul, Manju. Can’t you connect the dots, or follow the network?

  27. firefall:

    Neither has Harry

  28. olexicon:

    It’s a deep bench

  29. Bill Murray:

    Scrappy ruined Scooby Doo. Any early-70s hipster can tell you that

  30. timb:

    Hughes and his husband seem to be awesome figures in both marriage equality and in politics. They can’t be as bad as marty was

  31. brewmn:

    I loved the reference to Jack Shafer as “Mr. Monkeyfishing himself.” I sent a Michael Kinsley column pointing out how much better the economy has done under Democratic presidents than Republicans, with statistics and everything to back the argument up, to a few coworkers after we had had a political discussion.

    Within nanoseconds a wingnut coworker had e-mailed me back the monkeyfishing column, I guess as proof that Kinsley’s claims, including the relevant economic numbers, were all bullshit. That was nearly ten years ago.

  32. cpinva:


  33. cpinva:

    actually, it’s pretty shallow, just in a deep sort of way.

    “It’s a deep bench”

  34. cpinva:

    possibly, but bear in mind, he’s also a dues paying member of a labor union too.

    “He’s a Nevada Mormon, so GOP would be the way to bet.”

  35. Jestak:

    And “clubhouse leadership.”

  36. djillionsmix:

    Jesus, what a tucker carlson Tucker Carlson is tuckering.

  37. Origami Isopod:

    The sad thing is, that’s not even the bottom of the barrel. Taki magazine, anyone?

  38. Origami Isopod:

    How do you quantify “pundit” for these purposes? Audience reach, amount of wingnut welfare, etc.? Because I think <a href="this lady could give Judge a hell of a run.

  39. Keaaukane:

    Yes, you can try to comfort yourself by repeating that Breitbart is dead. But in squalid temples that stretch from Wasilla to Louisiana fevered worshipers still cry to the night air “In his house in DC dead Breitbart waits dreaming”.

    And I despair for Mankind…

  40. snarkout:

    I remain boggled that Peretz apparently thinks that Whitaker Chambers biographer and neocon fellow traveler Sam Tanenhaus is too liberal to write a piece for Even-the-liberal-New-Republic — or possibly not knowledgable enough about conservatism, Whitaker Chambers biography notwithstanding — but I guess maybe Peretz just really, really cares about black people.

  41. Sev:

    I am familiar with this internet tradition.

  42. Michael Bérubé:

    Can I ask why it’s 2013 already and LGM has never seeded the 64 dumbest pundits and held a playoff?

  43. Erik Loomis:

    This is actually a really good idea.

  44. Malaclypse:

    Dibs on Megan McArdle’s calculator.

  45. The Dark Avenger:

    As I wrote a few years ago:

    McCain still lives, too, I suppose, again in that chasm of media complacency which has shielded him since the Vietnam War ended. His accursed campaign is sunken once more, else Bill Kristol wouldn’t call for a restart; but his ministers on earth still bellow and prance and slay around idol-capped monoliths in red states. He must have been trapped by the sinking polls within his black abyss, or else the press would by now be screaming with fright and frenzy. Who knows the end? What has risen may sink, and what has sunk may rise. Loathsomeness waits and dreams in his visions of victory, and decay spreads over the tottering cities of men. A time will come – but I must not and cannot think! Let me pray that, if I do not survive this manuscript, my executors may put caution before audacity and see that it meets no other eye.

  46. Jesus Christ, What A Pathetic Operation Tucker Carlson Is Running - Lawyers, Guns & Money : Lawyers, Guns & Money:

    [...] may remember Mark Judge from various columns in which racism and utter asininity fight to a standstill in a battle the reade…In today’s column, Judge argues that Obama lacks courage, discipline, self-reliance, industry, [...]

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