Home / General / And the Winner of Miss Conservative Goes to….A White Woman!

And the Winner of Miss Conservative Goes to….A White Woman!

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Because liberal fascists have taken over our beauty pageants, conservatives have decided to start their own Miss Conservative Pageant.

Never mind that many liberals are more or less disgusted by such events and how they objectify women. Or that…oh why even bother pointing out how ridiculous this is. Refuting conservative arguments is like arguing with children. A pointless waste of time.

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  • Joey Maloney

    I completely disagree that arguing with children is a waste of time. Unlike modern conservatives, children can learn from the process.

    • As someone without children, I admit that the process of arguing with children is strictly theoretical in my mind.

    • DrDick

      Indeed, Erik is totally unfair to children here. Even 3 year olds are more reasonable than conservatives.

      • Barry Freed

        Indeed, and I first read that as “arguing with a chicken” which I think is an improvement.

        • I know people who own chickens, and I will never stop laughing at that sentence.

        • It’s okay to argue with a daughter but you shouldn’t argue with a son. He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13:24

          And if you can’t convince your daughter, then she might be a threat to your home and under the Make My Day law you should shoot her.

          Now chickens are another matter.

    • R Johnston

      Indeed. It takes more training than most children have had to get to the point of being a conservative reality denier. While people aren’t inherently rational and kind, irrationality and assholery are primarily acquired behaviors as they exist in the real world, especially in their conservative loony incarnations. Better to teach children something else before conservatives get their hands on them.

  • Ichi-nooooo!

    Fantastic idea!

    Now can we please set up a Conservative Series Baseball. Then this coming Fall-Winter a Conservative Football League. True Americans are tired of SOCIALIST union-run ball games with their stifling REGULATIONS and WHISTLE-BLOWING liberals deciding what is and is not a first down.

    And how about setting up a “Conservative Rifle Association” for true gun-rights patriots to express their support for the second-amendment without French-sounding secret-liberal Wayne LaPierre, who some say was installed by Obama as a false flag to take away the guns of real Americans.

    • osceola

      “Conservative Rifle Association” already exists under a different name. The Gun Owners of America was formed by people who think the NRA is too soft.

      • KadeKo

        You mean there’s someone less hinged than Wayne LaPierre running a more extreme gun-sellers-rights organization?

  • Avattoir

    The MCP provides the definitive answer –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=493pL_Vbtnc

    • Margarita

      Moderate Clown Posse?

  • Avattoir

    Watcing that MCP video has me reconsidering the cultural influence of Paris Hilton.

    • Kurzleg

      As in, “I had no idea how influential she’s actually been?” Or, “Dear FSM, look at how much influence Paris Hilton’s had on our culture!” Both?

  • owlbear1

    I can’t help but notice that conservatives have yet to set up their own Conserva-state Highway system or a North American Conserva-power grid.

    Not even a National Conserva-Weather Service.

    Instead they continue to mooch off the ones liberals built. Slackers.

    • John (not McCain)

      To be fair, conservatives were at one time trying to destroy the LIEbral National Weather Service, arguing that Accuweather was good enough for Lincoln, so it’s good enough for all.

      • Even more pedantic asshole

        Actually, conservatives were trying stop the weather service from ‘giving away for free’ the weather data not actually replace it.

        The classic “privatize profits, socialize costs” scam they’ve perfected.

  • LeeEsq

    When did we take over beauty pageants? Did I miss something exciting?

    • Njorl

      Have you ever heard of a beauty pageant contestant seeking to help those more fortunate than herself, or striving for world war?

    • kerry

      Without clicking on that link, I’m going to take a wild guess and say “liberals taking over” = letting non-whites compete, and even (horrors) win.

      • CJColucci

        How many of us can name a Miss America crowned after Vanessa Williams? How many of us, given a choice, would choose any of her successors over her for a date?

      • rm

        Also without clicking the link, I am quite sure the presence of a Muslim candidate here and there is the root of their problem.

  • I assume they won’t be giving out a Miss Congeniality award?

    • DrDick

      They are replacing it with a Miss Apocalyptic Hissy Fit Award.

      • Bill Murray

        aka the Sarah Heath Award

  • mark f

    Ginny Meerman . . . has created her own “Miss Conservative” beauty pageant in response to traditional pageants “being overtaken by the liberal movement and liberal-thinking people.”

    Doesn’t Donald Trump run them all?

    • Cody

      Mr. Trump is a well known liberal. How else do your explain the free ride he gives his hair through life?

  • newsouthzach

    To me, the most interesting thing about this is that there’s such a thing as a beauty pageant coach. Talk about your ZMP workers!

    • Anonymous

      To me, the most interesting thing about this is that there’s such a thing as a beauty pageant coach.

      Ark B needs passengers.

      • Malaclypse

        Above was me.

        • R Johnston

          Random Hitchhiker’s references are the lifeblood of civilization, among the few things that make it worth not obliterating the Earth in favor of a hyperspace bypass.

  • Kurzleg

    Murrell’s online bio says she is “a former democrat who saw the light on 9/11.”

    Is there a more tiresome trope? (Just what is it suppose to mean. Democrats caused 9/11? I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on people so small-minded that they think it’s some sort of triumph to use a lower-case “d” in Democrat, but what does one’s political affiliation have to do with 9/11?

    • atheist

      I know it sounds crazy, but actually a certain type of person can’t remain “liberal” after a terrorist attack. Furthermore, after the terrorist attack turns them “conservative”, they usually decide to be conservative in ways that have nothing to do with responses to terrorism. There’s a kernel of truth to the trope.

      • Kurzleg

        “Because of the tragedy of 9/11, I now see the abomination that is public sector unions!”

        • mark f

          The canonical is of course Michael Berube’s “I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick.”

          It works very well as a meme, as Kurzleg demonstrates.

          • Kurzleg

            But seriously, what is the logic supposed to be? Liberals were ignoring potential terrorist acts like this? Some people DID ignore them, but the liberal label could not apply less to those people.

            Sometimes it seems that it all boils down to projection for these folks.

            • rea

              Some people DID ignore them, but the liberal label could not apply less to those people.

              You forget that conventional wisdom now treats George W. Bush as a liberal Democrat.

              • Cody

                You forget that conventional wisdom now treats George W. Bush as a liberal Democrat.

                You mean treats the things George W Bush did that didn’t turn out well as him being a Liberal Democrat. Soon as you mention lowering taxes, that was hard-core Republican George W. Bush.

            • mark f

              There is no logic. The ones who aren’t lying were probably mostly tribal/habitual Democrats at best, as opposed to activist or ideological liberals, and they just think that a few self-serving Churchill and Kristol quotes about political conversions will cover their pisspants.

            • Njorl

              I’d guess that the concept that someone unlike them could be decent died on 9/11. From that day on, different=dangerous. Anyone who refused to see that obvious “truth” was also a threat – from ignorance, malice or weakness – it doesn’t matter.

    • Sly

      She suffers from Dennis Miller Syndrome, a rare psychological disorder that increases the severity of a violent emotional trauma the further a person is physically from its source event.

      • Kurzleg

        DMS is also characterized by emotional response disconnected from the actual traumatic event.

    • Njorl

      Maybe the use of the lower case “d” was accurate in this instance. “I used to be a democrat, but since 9-11 I think all power should be invested in the one most fit to rule.”

      • Kurzleg

        It can’t be both? To state the obvious (from their prespective), Obama isn’t the most fit to rule. Therefore, I will be petty when referring to my former party.

    • My guess is that these are people who are basically liberal on social/domestic issues, but uncomfortable with the fact that deep down they favor “shows of strength, taking off the gloves etc.” on foreign policy issues (especially ones involving Muslims/terrorists.) They are only tentatively on the left and probably resent the constraints that it places on their basest instincts. In Miller’s case, he probably felt uncomfortable being around all these squishy actor types who can’t see that Hussein=Hitler! and just needed a good excuse to justify switching sides. 9/11 gave these people a reason.

      Or maybe he realized that his comedy career was over, his football announcing tenure was worse than all-holocausts-combined, and he saw an opportunity to strike the hot iron as a Fox News commentator.

    • cpinva

      give ms. murrell some credit, she manages, with no education beyond high school, to sound like she has no education beyond a (poor) high school one. a neat trick. i think.

      true:

      they usually decide to be conservative in ways that have nothing to do with responses to terrorism.

      usually, they involve ways in which they are able to scam money from the rubes.

      • cpinva

        wow, no idea what happened there. should have been:

        True:

        they usually decide to be conservative in ways that have nothing to do with responses to terrorism.

        usually, they involve ways in which they are able to scam money from the rube.

  • Matt

    Shorter Ginny Meerman: “I wanted to create a pageant that focused on TR00 CONSERVATIVE VALUES, so none of the contestants will be allowed to speak and they’ll be disqualified if they *aren’t* married and pregnant. Except, of course, for the Junior Teen division who will carry around placards announcing the required dowry to purchase them.”

    Perhaps they should just drop the pretense and start handing these out:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross_of_Honor_of_the_German_Mother

    • Lee

      Do you think they will have a pregnant, barefoot, and in the kitchen segement of the pageant?

      • Avattoir

        Watch the video – I think they already do.

      • cpinva

        seems like that would be the “talent” section of the competition.

    • Kinder, Kuche, Kitsch.

  • calling all toasters

    Carrie Prejean did not die in vain! Wolverines!

  • Just create a conservative version of planet Earth already and move there.

    • rea

      There already is one–Venus. Global warming is not a problem!!!

      • Tyto

        Consider this stolen.

    • danjiel

      They need to finish killing us all first.

  • R Johnston

    Dollars to doughnuts that the real “conservative” problem with beauty pageants is all that scholarship money they hand out. Educating women is anticonservative, and denigrating women on the road to financing their educations doesn’t make up for turning them all uppity by sending them to college or grad school.

  • Lee

    Around the time of the “oppposite marriage/Miss America” bruhaha, Jonathan Chait had a couple of good columns musing on why so many conservative women politicians come from the pageant circuit. His basic conclusion was that amoung Western conservatives, women are only valuable if they are beautiful. While this really isn’t a stunning revelation, the columns were well written.

    Somewhat OT, does anybody have any suggestions for something that will convince older men not to refer to adult women as girls? There are some men I know socially that have this disgusting habit of calling women girls and I’m tired of correcting them everytime. Its something that infuriates me.

    • Hogan

      Taser?

      • Lee

        Any legal suggestions?

        • Bill Murray

          knee to the googlies?

          calling them original gangsterz every time they call women girls?

        • Njorl

          Call them “Pops”. That might work for older guys deluding themselves about their age. If their 18-25, call them boys, kids, junior. If their in their late 20s to mid thirties, call them asshole.

          • Njorl

            there, they’re, their … whatever.

        • cpinva

          electric cattle prod. less expensive than a taser, doesn’t leave marks, and the uses aren’t recorded. worked great for raising my children. hospital nurses gave me funny looks though. go figure.

    • Let me point out the common thread of the three most significant people in John McCain’s life – his two wives and his veep-wannabe – two were pageantresses and one was a model.

      • I meant “three most significant women,” but I’m not sure my inadvertent editing isn’t better.

  • It doesn’t surprise me that one may need to seek out less traditional news outlets than the Times or the Wall Street Journal to learn about an event as august and dignified as the “Miss Conservative Pageant”. But what the hell is the “National Confidential”? It looks like a cross between Maxim and Gawker, but with less dignity and more stock photos of porn stars.

    • Margarita

      And sounds like Mitt Romney’s life insurer.

  • Stag Party Palin

    I suggest that when the winner is crowned, she be given the title of Miss Conception.

    • win

      • Avattoir

        … which means they should embed SPP’s avatar picture in the crown.

    • danjiel

      Only if there’s an “Mrs” included in the prize.

      • Njorl

        They have a “Mrs. Conservative Amercia” catagory too. What really gets me is the “Ms. Conservative America” competition. I think that consists entirely of a segment in which they explain why it’s wrong to go by “Ms.”, and another where they parade around in skimpy feminazi-stormrooper outfits.

        • colleen

          where they parade around in skimpy feminazi-stormrooper outfits.

          That’s what those were? I thought they were hookers.

          • cpinva

            i’m not sure they can tell the difference:

            That’s what those were? I thought they were hookers.

  • Satanicpanic

    Can’t wait for their responses to questions about Iraq.

  • Joshua

    What’s the question and answer section like at this thing?

    Oh, and Ginny claims she is a descendent of Robert E. Lee. In how many other countries can someone take pride in being a descendent of a defeated and shamed traitor?

    • Bill Murray

      England with Guy Fawkes?

      • Lee

        Not Oliver Cromwell? They have this lovely statue of him in front of Parliament.

        • Njorl

          Cromwell won. When you win, you’re not a traitor.

          • Lee

            Cromwell was treated as traitor after the Restoration.

            • Njorl

              Hanging someone years after they’re dead and buried is just bad sportsmanship.

            • rea

              Churchill tried to name a battleship after Cromwell just before WWI–and the king refused.

              • Colin Day

                What about the Cromwell tank?

                Cromwell

    • xenos

      War criminal, too. Best thing he ever did is to get his property confiscated to make for a decent cemetery.

  • wengler

    Which one of these women gets hired by Fox News first?

  • Something tells me that no gay designers were involved. Just look at those hideous dresses.

    • MAJeff

      I’d say that maybe GOProud could send a queen or two over, but they can’t even get gays to lead their little club.

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