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Shelter Your Livestock, Then Take Shelter Yourself


Every election cycle brings back the fetishizing of the increasingly non-existent family farm. When combined with the Republican ardor for bombing brown people who could potentially have weapons of mass destruction, I think it is a public service to remind ourselves of how our family farmers can protect themselves from nuclear attack. From 1965.

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  • Is this what Republicans mean when they talk about the “nuclear family”?

    Look, someone had to go there and aren’t you glad I got it out of the way quickly?

    • c u n d gulag

      You didn’t pussyfoot around – you went right atom!

      • They’re all bosons on that bus

        • Njorl

          Are they all sitting in the same seat?

        • Bill Murray

          I was guessing they all were coxswains

  • Amanda in the South Bay

    This seems more of Farley’s territory.

  • c u n d gulag

    I remember, 30 years ago, going to see “Atomic Cafe,” a compilation of a lot of “What to do if…” shorts, documentaries, and info/commercials.

    I remembered being shown some of them in the early-mid 60’s in PS 13 in Queens.

    And we also had drills periodically in school.

    As I got older, these became known, instead of “Duck and cover,” drills, as “Stick your head between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye…” drills.

    If you get a chance, take a look at the movie, “Atomic Cafe:”

  • Linnaeus

    These would have been great for my nuclear history class. I showed “Duck and Cover”, of course.

  • Spud

    That’s a lot of tomato juice!

    It would be really useful if there was also a vat of vodka, and some really big bottles of Tabasco and Worsteshire Sauce.

    • c u n d gulag

      Don’t forget wedges of lemon, some pepper, and celery salt – and celery stalks or carrots, for stirring!

      • Spud

        Aside from the pepper and celery salt, its kinda tough to keep those things fresh in a fallout shelter. I figure its a concession one has to make to a nuclear future.

        Oh, the horrors one has to endure to survive!

        But if the 80’s have taught me anything, the most essential tools for survival are football gear, hair gel, fast motor transport and a monosylabic name. [Lord Humongous excepted]

  • simple mind

    The Swiss have cattle nuclear bomb shelters, into which they herded they cows during the Chernobyl crisis.

    So, yes, in CH it’s cows first!

    Bomb shelters are required in CH homes, but mostly the residents get busted when the shelter inspectors come a-knocking and find they are being used as wine cellars or saunas.

  • Kadin

    I’m from New Zealand, which is big farming country. Family farms are a majority of all farms, as well as a majority of farms within each individual sector (dairy, wool, etc.). Hence I feel qualified to say that the existence or non-existence of family farms doesn’t really matter all that much, because farmers are assholes (politically speaking) whether they’re big agribusiness or small families.

  • mike in dc

    I love the ones where the kid is riding his bike or walking down the street, or the family is having an outdoor picnic, when there’s a sudden flash. They immediately…duck and cover. I’m just trying to figure out whether the extra time that buys them would be measured in seconds, milliseconds or microseconds.

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