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Evil plot thwarted


Via Outside the Beltway, A story about the resurgence of some of the more baroque aspects of Tea Party activism and local politics in the New York Times today. My favorite line:

In Maine, the Tea Party-backed Republican governor canceled a project to ease congestion along the Route 1 corridor after protesters complained it was part of the United Nations plot.

Those bastards! As far as I can make out, the fiendish plot can be characterized thusly:

1. Congestion along Route 1 in Maine reduced; consequently residents and visitors to the great state of Maine arriving at their destination slightly earlier than they otherwise would have arrived.

2. ???

3. Socialist UN one world government, Christianity banned, Sharia law and gay marriage mandatory, etc. etc.

The only thing I can’t quite work out about this plot is the precise details of stage two. Suggestions and theories welcome.

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  • DrDick

    Can we now, finally, dispense with any pretense that the teabaggers are anything other than a bunch of batshit crazy, brain dead whackaloons?

    • Holden Pattern

      But according to very serious moral psychologist Jonathan Haidt, movement conservatives just balance the various categories of moral concerns more evenly than liberals, so their positions must be treated as they weren’t just batshit insane bigots.

      No seriously.

      • Ben

        I think Haidt’s work makes a lot of fundamental errors, and that he’s retarding progress in moral philosphy, political science and psychology (which is quite a feat).

        But your characterization of Haidt’s work is unfair.

        He’s talking about very broad categories of “conservative” and “liberal” which are more like social groups than political affiliations. Saying Haidt’s work excuses this type of batshit conservative belief is like saying he excuses crazy liberal beliefs like “The CIA invented crack and AIDS to destroy black and gay communities, respectively”.

        • Holden Pattern

          Well, maybe his work is more subtle than his public statements. Because in his interview he says things like: “Here’s a sign from a Tea Party Rally. Now let’s talk about how they’re not crazy.”

          • Ben

            Does he really? (I confess to not listening to the interview).

            If so, then yeah. I retract my quasi-defense of him.

      • calling all toasters

        University of Chicago– ’nuff said.

        • Furious Jorge

          Shoulda been burned to the ground after Carl Sauer graduated.

    • The rail project cancellations, health care reform hatred, and support of whack-job know-nothing candidates wasn’t enough? You were waiting for this?

      • DrDick

        I gave up on them 30 years ago, but there are some people who keep trying to find some small shred of humanity there.

        • Ah, it was the disciplinary/parental “we”….

          Still, while the commentariat here may come around, the decentralized nature of the TP movement means that pundits still have the No True Scotsman and trolls the Tu Quoque Fringe arguments to bandy about.

  • Fats Durston

    Typical liberal, not understanding that American traffic congestion is our primary defense against invading forces. It’s central to the resolution of the Red Dawn remake.

    • DocAmazing

      Freeway on-ramps are exactly wide enough to allow passage of Soviet T-72 tanks. Bookmark it, libs!

    • Warren Terra

      Wikipedia informs me that the remake does in fact exist. It was supposed to be released two years ago, and is now “scheduled” for some time this year.

      I’m sure it’ll be awesome.

      • DrDick

        Awesomely bad.

      • North Koreans invade! That is awesome!

        • “The Mouse That Roared” wasn’t a documentary?

          • Even if it was, it’s not applicable. The Duchy of Grand Fenwick had a functioning industry. Plus, the Q-Bomb was waaaaaay more powerful than any NK nuke.

            • But…. crossbows! Panty-waisted liberal leadership!

              Never mind, DoGF was white folks: NK’ans would never be able to do what they did.

              • To be fair, in The New Red Dawn, the NKers are originally Chinese that were made over into NKers because….an NK invasion of Kentucky was more plausible?!?

                • Njorl

                  The movie is primarily funded by Haier product placement ads.

              • Plus, wasn’t the invasion force mostly armed with longbows? Did Agincourt teach you nothing?!?!

              • Malaclypse

                Panty-waisted liberal leadership!

                You left out cross-dressing.

      • Bill Murray

        I hear they are changing the battle cry from Wolverines! to Tebow! — that’s all that is holding up it’s release

    • Slocum

      Ok, I’m a leftist who loves “Red Dawn.” I will not accept a re-make.

      • How about a MST3K-ization?

        Yeah, yeah, gotta resurrect MST3K from the dead. Zombie Tom Servo would still be a babe magnet, tho.

  • Malaclypse

    You have deliberately ignored the obvious fact that Maine and New Hampshire are the only bastions of Freedom between Soviet Canuckistan and the Peoples Republik of Taxachusetts. Congestion on Route 1 is the only thing standing between Maine and Leninism.

    • hylen

      +1. Or even 2.

    • efgoldman

      Congestion on Route 1 is the only thing standing between Maine and Leninism.

      The Hampton tolls were designed especially for that purpose.

    • Thlayli

      And the congestion (or lack thereof) on I-95 factors into this how…?

      • Malaclypse

        I-95 was built by that Communist Eisenhower, unlike wholesome all-American Route 1.

  • Davis X. Machina

    Did the article mention the UN-backed manatee threat to Florida?

    • Warren Terra

      Where is commenter Odie Hugh when you need him?

      • Malaclypse

        Stuck in traffic on Route 1.

        • efgoldman

          Trying to get to the SuperBowl open thread.

  • Ben

    That photo accompanying the article explains so much about American politics in an understated way. It’s sublime.

  • LKS

    2. Forgot to take my loxapine this morning.

  • Sev

    Welcome to US-Beck-istan.

  • Dale Gribble was right!

    • After being contacted by Mr. Gribble’s lawyers, I retract my statement. Even he doesn’t want to be associated with these people.

  • This probably has something to do with the right-wing NAFTA superhighway conspiracy theory, but I’ve never seen a version of the theory that the superhighway runs through Maine.

    • Ken

      Huh. It hadn’t occurred to me, but the wingnut response to the “NAFTA Superhighway” and the Keystone Pipeline are pretty different, arent’ they?

      • Malaclypse

        Brown folks rarely travel by pipeline.

    • KadeKo

      Can I drop Xander Crews’ name for the pedestrian overpass from Mexico to Canada in these parts?

  • Jim Lynch

    “I was never one of those who thought Ike was a Red”. A funny line from a funny ‘made for TV’ movie, broadcast 30-some years ago.

    Nowadays, that line would be met with serious reflection by a significant percentage of today’s republican party. The GOP has gone around the bend, and it’s never coming back.

    • John

      Today’s Republican Party, I suspect, would not argue that Ike was a red. They’d just pretend he shared all their stupid views.

  • Bart

    You have to remember that folks out here in the countryside are bombarded by Talk Radio from dawn ’til past dusk. It keeps them misinformed and fearful.

    The article mentions “Agenda 21 that was designed to encourage nations to use fewer resources and conserve open land by steering development to already dense areas.”

    This sounds like it could be called “The Atrios Agenda” for fitting more and more of us into cities.

    • BigHank53

      There’s a smart growth initiative that is sponsored, in part, by the UN. Mostly it’s a clearinghouse so that municipalities get get solid information from other municipalities insyead of being sold a bill of goods by a developer, deluded traffic engineer, or suchlike. Since the stated goals include energy effeciency and walkability it is therefore obviuously one-world commies behind it. Also, flouridation.

      • Davis X. Machina

        …instead of being sold a bill of goods…

        Or a monorail.

  • calling all toasters

    2. (Bill the Cat sounds)

    • Bill Murray


  • Jonathan

    That’s how morons express they’re fear of the influx of new residents into Southern Maine. Inside Maine there’s even talk of splitting the state in half.

    • efgoldman

      :::French accent::: Let zem eat potatoes!

    • Furious Jorge

      Is there really?

  • Tomk

    Rt 1 runs up the coast, which isn’t really part of Maine, and the congestion slows up the summer invasion. And it’s only congested in the summer, and really only inconveniences tourists. The billionaires that keep some of us employed fly in on their jets. LePage is more than a bit ridiculous, but no more so than the various corrupt governors we’ve had in recent decades. He’s just more out about it, which is sort of refreshing. I know some smart leftists who were having a very difficult time trying to work with the state bureaucracy in an effort to establish a group home for disabled adults that had a productive meeting with him and were pleasantly surprised.

    He is ignorant, and plays to his base, but he doesn’t seem to be corrupt financially (like most of the Democratic establishment in this state).

    • Spud

      So he is incompetently screwing over his constituents, only he isn’t personally profiting from it.

      Is that supposed to be a good thing?

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