Home / General / Conservative women are more than just “hotties in tube tops.” (But hopefully, they’re that too.)

Conservative women are more than just “hotties in tube tops.” (But hopefully, they’re that too.)

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Somehow I missed the fact that a group of C-List conservative bloggers turned on themselves over the issue of propriety at CPAC. At the same event in which this high-minded little event took place, it was reported that the female attendees “looked like two-bit whores.” That’s according to Dr. Melissa Clouthier, who feels the need to remind everyone she’s a doctor, presumably because her elevated diction might convince folks otherwise. Dr. Clouthier continues:

I was at another service-oriented gathering of young women where the girls were in tight bandeau-skirts — you know, the kind of tube-top skirts that hookers wear on street corners.

I’m fairly certain I know what she means here: conservative women shouldn’t dress in ways that make them look like “hookers … on street corners.” However, that point was contested by Dan Riehl—last spotted cowering in fear from some black toddlers who were “technically thugs”—who declared that he did, in fact, want to see conservative women dress like “hookers on the street”:

In my opinion, CPAC is about politics, not parenting. If it takes hundreds of new folks with perhaps more libertarian, than traditional, leanings to infuse a more powerful right in America, I’ll take it. And if some number of them are hotties in tube tops, I’ll find a way to endure because I love America just that much.

The more “hotties in tube tops,” Riehl argues, the more powerful the right will become, because nothing builds a stronger coalition more quickly than objectifying and diminishing half the people who might want to join it. To use the conservatives objection to gay marriage as a model of argumentation, first conservative women will be allowed to dress like hookers; then they’ll be required to dress like hookers; then they’ll be required to be hookers.

And as Robert Stacy McCain—the man most likely to declare himself the winner of a Hunter S. Thompson prose-alike contest—pointed out, this process has already started:

No one can responsibly disagree with [Dr.] Melissa [Clouthier]’s argument against the super-short and super-tight party dresses which some Republican coeds seem to consider de rigeur for a night on the town. Also, the bare cleavage—c’mon, guys, testify for me here—makes it quite difficult to concentrate on anything else except the bare cleavage.

Conservative are already being required to dress like hookers! Moreover, look at the effect it’s having on family-oriented conservatives like McCain: not only is he incapable of diverting his eyes from the buffet of cleavage present at CPAC, he’s incapable of imagining a world in which conservative men possess the wherewithal to do anything other than stare at their compatriots’ breasts. Riehl isn’t some sexist exception—he’s just honest enough to admit that if women flaunt their wares, he’ll gladly gawk at them while pretending to agree with whatever they happen to be saying. What are they saying? Who cares? So long as the lungs pushing those words out reside beneath a bosom being amply displayed, Riehl and McCain will keep on nodding.

How can serious conservative women avoid being objectified by the likes of Riehl and McCain? Dr. Melissa Clouthier—who, you’ll note, McCain stripped of her degree in the same manner he’s stripped her of her dignity—suggests:

1. No cleavage. That’s right. Cover that up. I say “no” in absolutist terms because women will show a tiny bit and that’s okay, but really, in a business environment where ideas are the priority, a dude thinking about your ta-tas is counter-productive.

2. Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee. Why do I even have to write this? Well, because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much.

3. Save the stilettos for Saturday night on a date with your boyfriend.

4. Bend at the knee. No, I don’t want to see your butt. Young women, you degrade your own value by dressing and then acting the ho.

Young conservative women, stop “acting the ho”! You know your ideological brethren respond to such displays, so the heavy burden of preventing them from treating you like a “hooker … on the street” falls on your shoulder pads. The alternative is having to deal with McCain reducing you to the “haawwtt fianceé” of one of the aforementioned conservative “rappers” in a post about a conservative blogger showing too much leg while interviewing Rick Santorum. This conservative blogger, Tina Korbe, had the nerve to score a job McCain wanted, but instead of congratulating her, he wrote:

They’re gonna hire a chick. Somebody with the ‘face for Fox,’ a candidate for the Red Eye leg-chair they can use to ‘brand’ the blog.

While I appreciate the admission that Fox exclusively hires women whose legs appeal to the likes of Riehl and McCain, I think we  can also see the problem with the sartorial tenor of discussions on the right: women are reducible to their bodies. Anything they do to remind conservative men of this fact will cause them either to imagine making babies with them or to fret about what’s happening to the unwanted babies lust like theirs made. Women aren’t independent entities possessing wit and intelligence unless they divorce themselves from the only thing that makes them valuable to conservative men in the first place: their bodies.

Which don’t exist or matter, unless parts of them are visible, in which case only those parts exist and they matter very, very much.

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  • Malaclypse

    Shorter Dr. Melissa Clouthier: women should wear burquas while in public.

    • Pith Helmet

      +1 for Sharia!

      • LeeEsq

        I thought that American conservative women would favor a more Victorian look.

    • ploeg

      Close: women should wear plenty of makeup, not the kind that makes them look like Slutty Slut McSluts, but enough “natural” makeup to obscure any distinctive facial features. (If your makeup has “Orgasm” in the name, throw it away.)

      And wear your hair high so that it’s closer to heaven.

    • Ken

      And, you will note, for the same reason – because the men can’t control themselves. Or at least so McCain says.

      • DrDick

        Well, these are conservatives, so he probably has a point.

      • Hogan

        Carmen Electra: “Homer, my eyes are up here.”

        Homer: “I’ve made my choice.”

    • DrDick

      Shorter conservative women: We know our conservative men and what they like!

      • RhZ

        Haha yes, right {nudge nudge wink wink}

        Yes, Republican men just can’t control themselves when seeing a lady’s body.

        Can’t control their lustful selves I should add. Not their gag reflex, oh no not our big strong Republican men.

        Please ignore when they later condemn those women who forced them to get all *lustful*. That’s just for show.

  • kth

    Not that I guess it matters, especially wrt fashion choices for nubile reactionaries, but she’s a chiropractor.

    • witless chum

      Wow, I didn’t think I could respect the person who wrote that nonsense less. I understand the desire of someone making their massage sound grand, but I just can’t stand chiropractors.

  • LosGatosCA

    Can’t we just cover up their precursor to nudity wardrobe the way Ashcroft did?
    http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2002/01/29/statues..htm

    That way the code phrase at the CPAC happy hour bar would be: “She’s statuesque” meaning the object of the remark is nearly naked underneath and ready for a vaginal probe in the interest of full consumer disclosure as suggested by Tyler Cowen.

    • dms

      +10

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      Oh come on! Doesn’t anyone recall back when porn actress Mary Carey attended a Bush fundraiser in 2005?

      Here’s one of the more famous pix.

      I think she stated that she really wanted to “party with the Bush twins”, but that was a more innocent, fun-loving time.

  • Clouthier is a chiropractor which makes her less of a “doctor” than Dr. J.

    • Less than Dr. Nick Riviera?

      • SEK

        I didn’t notice that. (Why would someone claim to belong to my tribe if they weren’t actually one of us? Insanity!) But you know, if she wants to be called “Doctor,” it’s only polite to do so while you’re staring at her breasts.

      • Ben

        Actually, Dr. Nick is an excellent doctor (pdf).

        “Calm down! You’re going to give yourself skin failure.”

      • You went to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?!

    • firehat

      In fairness, she does have a doctorate, though she’s almost certainly aware that holding herself out as “a doctor” is misrepresentative at best.

    • So maybe she shouldn’t get all bent out of shape.

  • Michael H Schneider

    The guy who is all about visual rhetoric and gives us acres of pictures of Batman can’t give us one picture of a conservative hottie in a tube top? How can I experience what my conservative brethren feel without a picture? At least Clouthier gave us a Jersey Shore pic. At least I think it’s Jersey Shore (which I’ve never seen). Or are those conservatives?

    • SEK

      What? Riehl’s slobbering imagination isn’t vivid enough? The ekphrastic manner in which they talk around their lusts creeps me out enough — I can do without any actual visuals.

      • Michael H Schneider

        I had to look that one up, since I’m not well educated. The source of all knowledge says “Ekphrasis or ecphrasis is the graphic, often dramatic, description of a visual work of art.”*

        Are you saying that conservative hotties in tube tops are works of art?

        Am I going to have to find a television and watch Fox in order to see conservative hotties?

        I guess I’ll just have to go back to my collection of 50s Playboys to relive the golden age of strong families and conservative respect for non-objectified women. Gay marriage and the intertubes sure have ruined America.

        *https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ekphrasis

  • el donaldo

    The common thread running through those commentaries, then, is this: women, do what you’re told, because the menfolk neither can nor should be expected to control themselves.

    So, yes, FREEDOM.

    • Basically, “Bitch, wear your burqa!”

  • Tom M

    Hugh Kearney, an Irish history prof I was lucky enough to take as an undergrad, pointed out that many invaders of Ireland became more Irish than the Irish themselves.
    These CPACers seem to have become more Muslim than the Muslims whose countries they wanted to invade. Sigh. Just another negative to their lust for Democracy in the Middle East.

    • MAJeff

      Hugh Kearney, an Irish history prof I was lucky enough to take as an undergrad, pointed out that many invaders of Ireland became more Irish than the Irish themselves.

      anyone who’s been to Boston will recognize this as Southie.

      • DrDick

        You see the same thing in Bridgeport & Beverly in Chicago.

  • Spud

    One should expect conservative women to dress slutty. The GOP has always attracted whores of all stripes.

  • Do you think these people have ANY idea how they sound to folk outside their own bubble? If they do, do you think they don’t care, or they just can’t help themselves?

    • cpinva

      a. they don’t care. anyone outside their bubble is probably a dirty, stinking hippy, not worthy of concerning themselves with.

      b. they just can’t help themselves. conservatives seem to universally suffer a predisposition to tourette’s syndrome, causing them to blurt out idiotic things in public. either that, or they have zero self-control.

      i’m trying to envision such a thing as a “hottie conservative chick”, and i just can’t. most really hot women i’ve ever known have a pretty high level of self-respect, and wouldn’t be caught dead with about 99.999999% of conservative men. unless they were being paid. a lot. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

      • Jon H

        Well, there’s Angie Harmon. Or the young Janine Turner. Even Megyn Kelly has her moments.

  • Ban the Tube Top, I say!

    Good Lord, these people are stupid.

    • LosGatosCA

      The ‘Death of Pretty’ update at Clouthier’s site is the kicker:

      Most men prefer pretty over hot. Even back in 6th grade I hated the “hot” Olivia Newton John and felt sorry for her that she had to debase herself in such a way.

      I wonder how they reproduce?

      • John (not McCain)

        I get the feeling that there’s a LOT of pegging involved, with a decorative hose to transfer the genetic material from its point of origin into the waiting receptacle. Followed by cigars and brandy.

      • Halloween Jack

        I’m sure that she hated ONJ for the same reason that I hated the idols in Tiger Beat when I was in sixth grade, and realizing that my acne was going to get a lot worse before it got better. (I’m glad to say that I, at least, got over it.)

      • Trollhattan

        Uh, Olivia Newton John was the era’s “hot babe”? She was squeaky cleanness personified.

        I’m suspecting the good “doctor” was another kid raised in a Skinner box.

        • Uncle Kvetch

          I think she’s confusing ONJ with the character that ONJ portrayed in Grease, who goes from sweet and innocent girl next door to shameless hussy at the end, and wins John Travolta’s heart in the process.

          An inability to distinguish fact from fiction is pretty much what I’d expect from Dr. Clouthier.

          • Hogan

            Maybe she’s thinking of the character ONJ played in Xanadu. Oh wait–no one actually saw that.

      • Tasty Pie

        I wonder how they reproduce?

        Very rationally. Or as RedState contributing editor and technical admin, Neil Stevens will tell you “I used to be a scientist. It seems clear that the only rational reason to have sex is to make babies.

        Word on the street is that the babes really dig his Spock ears.

  • Uncle Kvetch

    de rigeur

    It’s de rigueur, dahling.

    Riehl can’t even manage to be a pompous ass without fucking it up.

    • Oh c’mon UK, this is the savage bigotry of much too high expectations. Do you expect Riehl to spend the 0.19 seconds necessary to return 8,700,000 hits on the Google machine for “de rigueur“?

      • Hogan

        the savage bigotry of much too high expectations

        Oh, that’s a keeper.

        • Uncle Kvetch

          What I want to know is just what the hell Riehl was doing using a faggoty foreigny Frenchy phrase to begin with. Doubleplusungood!

          • Hogan

            If you spell it wrong, it’s like you’re making fun of the French.

  • c u n d gulag

    I’m actually shocked!

    Given that most of the men at Conservative gatherings are usually so busy looking at the other boy’s and men’s junk, pec’s, and butt’s, imagining hot manly-man-on-male sexual positions all while explaining their anti-gay positions, I’m surprised anyone took the time to notice how the women were dressed.

    Oh, wait – it was Dr. Melissa Clouthier who noticed.

    Nudge, nudge… Say no more…

  • Also, the bare cleavage—c’mon, guys, testify for me here—makes it quite difficult to concentrate on anything else except the bare cleavage.

    Given R. “Speedo” McCain’s fascination with showing his nether regions in his youth, this smacks an awful lot of desperate testosterone.

  • Most men prefer pretty over hot.

    Which is why McCall’s magazine outsells all porn on the web.

  • Joshua

    Just watch a bit of Fox News. It’s pervy to the max – the anchors are frequently gorgeous blondes, obviously, but they will slip in any story as long as it gives them an excuse to show women in bikinis or centerfold pictures.

    Indeed, I’ve always thought this is how SE Cupp decided to build her career. Her looks + Hannity boilerplate = express ride on the wingnut welfare gravy train.

    • Jon H

      Plus her name, which I guarantee sends wingnut brains into an infinite loop of “c cup!”

  • Anonymous

    More liberals complaining that conservative women actually look good enough they make you want to fuck them? YAAAAAWWWWWNNNNN.

    • Malaclypse

      Eventheliberal Robert Stacey McCain…

      Better anonatrolls, please.

    • wengler

      Most normal people tend to realize there is no correlation between politics and looks.

      However, if Ann Coulter’s adam’s apple turns you on, go for it.

      • Joshua

        Every so often you see some wingnut site comparing some red carpet Ann Coulter (lol) picture to the worst picture of Rosie O’Donnell ever taken and saying how much better “their” women are.

        Look at the Michelle Obama = obese thing.

        We are talking about very terrible people.

        • mark f

          Wait, do you really mean to suggest that comparing Megyn Kelly’s glossy, half-naked GQ shoot to an awkward capture of Hillary Clinton speaking on C-Span is a poor way to judge the merits of their respective politics?

    • JohnR

      *golf clap*

    • See, here’s the problem with your whine: the good-looking liberal women all have real jobs.

  • wengler

    That CPAC allowed women to enter proves they are nothing more than a bunch of leftwing Bolsheviks.

  • mark f

    Has McCain posted such rants about his own employer’s “hottest conservative women bloggers” lists?

  • Can we have a do-over of this thread?

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