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Conservative women are more than just “hotties in tube tops.” (But hopefully, they’re that too.)

[ 63 ] February 20, 2012 |

Somehow I missed the fact that a group of C-List conservative bloggers turned on themselves over the issue of propriety at CPAC. At the same event in which this high-minded little event took place, it was reported that the female attendees “looked like two-bit whores.” That’s according to Dr. Melissa Clouthier, who feels the need to remind everyone she’s a doctor, presumably because her elevated diction might convince folks otherwise. Dr. Clouthier continues:

I was at another service-oriented gathering of young women where the girls were in tight bandeau-skirts — you know, the kind of tube-top skirts that hookers wear on street corners.

I’m fairly certain I know what she means here: conservative women shouldn’t dress in ways that make them look like “hookers … on street corners.” However, that point was contested by Dan Riehl—last spotted cowering in fear from some black toddlers who were “technically thugs”—who declared that he did, in fact, want to see conservative women dress like “hookers on the street”:

In my opinion, CPAC is about politics, not parenting. If it takes hundreds of new folks with perhaps more libertarian, than traditional, leanings to infuse a more powerful right in America, I’ll take it. And if some number of them are hotties in tube tops, I’ll find a way to endure because I love America just that much.

The more “hotties in tube tops,” Riehl argues, the more powerful the right will become, because nothing builds a stronger coalition more quickly than objectifying and diminishing half the people who might want to join it. To use the conservatives objection to gay marriage as a model of argumentation, first conservative women will be allowed to dress like hookers; then they’ll be required to dress like hookers; then they’ll be required to be hookers.

And as Robert Stacy McCain—the man most likely to declare himself the winner of a Hunter S. Thompson prose-alike contest—pointed out, this process has already started:

No one can responsibly disagree with [Dr.] Melissa [Clouthier]’s argument against the super-short and super-tight party dresses which some Republican coeds seem to consider de rigeur for a night on the town. Also, the bare cleavage—c’mon, guys, testify for me here—makes it quite difficult to concentrate on anything else except the bare cleavage.

Conservative are already being required to dress like hookers! Moreover, look at the effect it’s having on family-oriented conservatives like McCain: not only is he incapable of diverting his eyes from the buffet of cleavage present at CPAC, he’s incapable of imagining a world in which conservative men possess the wherewithal to do anything other than stare at their compatriots’ breasts. Riehl isn’t some sexist exception—he’s just honest enough to admit that if women flaunt their wares, he’ll gladly gawk at them while pretending to agree with whatever they happen to be saying. What are they saying? Who cares? So long as the lungs pushing those words out reside beneath a bosom being amply displayed, Riehl and McCain will keep on nodding.

How can serious conservative women avoid being objectified by the likes of Riehl and McCain? Dr. Melissa Clouthier—who, you’ll note, McCain stripped of her degree in the same manner he’s stripped her of her dignity—suggests:

1. No cleavage. That’s right. Cover that up. I say “no” in absolutist terms because women will show a tiny bit and that’s okay, but really, in a business environment where ideas are the priority, a dude thinking about your ta-tas is counter-productive.

2. Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee. Why do I even have to write this? Well, because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much.

3. Save the stilettos for Saturday night on a date with your boyfriend.

4. Bend at the knee. No, I don’t want to see your butt. Young women, you degrade your own value by dressing and then acting the ho.

Young conservative women, stop “acting the ho”! You know your ideological brethren respond to such displays, so the heavy burden of preventing them from treating you like a “hooker … on the street” falls on your shoulder pads. The alternative is having to deal with McCain reducing you to the “haawwtt fianceé” of one of the aforementioned conservative “rappers” in a post about a conservative blogger showing too much leg while interviewing Rick Santorum. This conservative blogger, Tina Korbe, had the nerve to score a job McCain wanted, but instead of congratulating her, he wrote:

They’re gonna hire a chick. Somebody with the ‘face for Fox,’ a candidate for the Red Eye leg-chair they can use to ‘brand’ the blog.

While I appreciate the admission that Fox exclusively hires women whose legs appeal to the likes of Riehl and McCain, I think we  can also see the problem with the sartorial tenor of discussions on the right: women are reducible to their bodies. Anything they do to remind conservative men of this fact will cause them either to imagine making babies with them or to fret about what’s happening to the unwanted babies lust like theirs made. Women aren’t independent entities possessing wit and intelligence unless they divorce themselves from the only thing that makes them valuable to conservative men in the first place: their bodies.

Which don’t exist or matter, unless parts of them are visible, in which case only those parts exist and they matter very, very much.


Comments (63)

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  1. Malaclypse says:

    Shorter Dr. Melissa Clouthier: women should wear burquas while in public.

  2. kth says:

    Not that I guess it matters, especially wrt fashion choices for nubile reactionaries, but she’s a chiropractor.

    • witless chum says:

      Wow, I didn’t think I could respect the person who wrote that nonsense less. I understand the desire of someone making their massage sound grand, but I just can’t stand chiropractors.

  3. LosGatosCA says:

    Can’t we just cover up their precursor to nudity wardrobe the way Ashcroft did?

    That way the code phrase at the CPAC happy hour bar would be: “She’s statuesque” meaning the object of the remark is nearly naked underneath and ready for a vaginal probe in the interest of full consumer disclosure as suggested by Tyler Cowen.

  4. TBogg says:

    Clouthier is a chiropractor which makes her less of a “doctor” than Dr. J.

  5. Michael H Schneider says:

    The guy who is all about visual rhetoric and gives us acres of pictures of Batman can’t give us one picture of a conservative hottie in a tube top? How can I experience what my conservative brethren feel without a picture? At least Clouthier gave us a Jersey Shore pic. At least I think it’s Jersey Shore (which I’ve never seen). Or are those conservatives?

    • SEK says:

      What? Riehl’s slobbering imagination isn’t vivid enough? The ekphrastic manner in which they talk around their lusts creeps me out enough — I can do without any actual visuals.

      • Michael H Schneider says:

        I had to look that one up, since I’m not well educated. The source of all knowledge says “Ekphrasis or ecphrasis is the graphic, often dramatic, description of a visual work of art.”*

        Are you saying that conservative hotties in tube tops are works of art?

        Am I going to have to find a television and watch Fox in order to see conservative hotties?

        I guess I’ll just have to go back to my collection of 50s Playboys to relive the golden age of strong families and conservative respect for non-objectified women. Gay marriage and the intertubes sure have ruined America.


  6. el donaldo says:

    The common thread running through those commentaries, then, is this: women, do what you’re told, because the menfolk neither can nor should be expected to control themselves.

    So, yes, FREEDOM.

  7. Tom M says:

    Hugh Kearney, an Irish history prof I was lucky enough to take as an undergrad, pointed out that many invaders of Ireland became more Irish than the Irish themselves.
    These CPACers seem to have become more Muslim than the Muslims whose countries they wanted to invade. Sigh. Just another negative to their lust for Democracy in the Middle East.

  8. Spud says:

    One should expect conservative women to dress slutty. The GOP has always attracted whores of all stripes.

  9. Joey Maloney says:

    Do you think these people have ANY idea how they sound to folk outside their own bubble? If they do, do you think they don’t care, or they just can’t help themselves?

    • cpinva says:

      a. they don’t care. anyone outside their bubble is probably a dirty, stinking hippy, not worthy of concerning themselves with.

      b. they just can’t help themselves. conservatives seem to universally suffer a predisposition to tourette’s syndrome, causing them to blurt out idiotic things in public. either that, or they have zero self-control.

      i’m trying to envision such a thing as a “hottie conservative chick”, and i just can’t. most really hot women i’ve ever known have a pretty high level of self-respect, and wouldn’t be caught dead with about 99.999999% of conservative men. unless they were being paid. a lot. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  10. Uncle Kvetch says:

    de rigeur

    It’s de rigueur, dahling.

    Riehl can’t even manage to be a pompous ass without fucking it up.

  11. c u n d gulag says:

    I’m actually shocked!

    Given that most of the men at Conservative gatherings are usually so busy looking at the other boy’s and men’s junk, pec’s, and butt’s, imagining hot manly-man-on-male sexual positions all while explaining their anti-gay positions, I’m surprised anyone took the time to notice how the women were dressed.

    Oh, wait – it was Dr. Melissa Clouthier who noticed.

    Nudge, nudge… Say no more…

  12. actor212 says:

    Also, the bare cleavage—c’mon, guys, testify for me here—makes it quite difficult to concentrate on anything else except the bare cleavage.

    Given R. “Speedo” McCain’s fascination with showing his nether regions in his youth, this smacks an awful lot of desperate testosterone.

  13. actor212 says:

    Most men prefer pretty over hot.

    Which is why McCall’s magazine outsells all porn on the web.

  14. Joshua says:

    Just watch a bit of Fox News. It’s pervy to the max – the anchors are frequently gorgeous blondes, obviously, but they will slip in any story as long as it gives them an excuse to show women in bikinis or centerfold pictures.

    Indeed, I’ve always thought this is how SE Cupp decided to build her career. Her looks + Hannity boilerplate = express ride on the wingnut welfare gravy train.

  15. Anonymous says:

    More liberals complaining that conservative women actually look good enough they make you want to fuck them? YAAAAAWWWWWNNNNN.

  16. wengler says:

    That CPAC allowed women to enter proves they are nothing more than a bunch of leftwing Bolsheviks.

  17. mark f says:

    Has McCain posted such rants about his own employer’s “hottest conservative women bloggers” lists?

  18. Can we have a do-over of this thread?

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    Conservative women are more than just “hotties in tube tops.” (But hopefully, they’re that too.) – Lawyers, Guns & Money : Lawyers, Guns & Money

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