Home / General / The gold’s gonna be good.

The gold’s gonna be good.


UCI recommends that one or twice a year every instructor should record him- or herself teaching and sit down with a pedagogical counselor and go over the results. It’s a harrowing experience, but useful in the extreme because it helps temper some habits that’ve become so fixed they don’t register as extreme anymore. It’s an exercise in becoming painfully self-aware of how one behaves in a classroom, and I’d recommend it to anyone who teaches … and Rick Perry. Because there was this one time I was all hopped up on the caffeine before my session and I came into class and it went something like this:

You start with a bang, hitting your buzz words, but you slowly peter out, start checking your notes, and begin rambling before rousing yourself momentarily as you prepare to crash again. It’s a poor performance, hilariously so, but I can sympathize. It must be tiring trying to remember all that tripe.

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  • Hogan

    With Perry it would probably be like Tobias in Arrested Development listening to himself on tape:

    Tobias Fünke: [on tape] Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
    Tobias Fünke: [out loud] Nothing wrong with that.
    Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I’ve been in the film business for a while but I just can’t seem to get one in the can.
    Tobias Fünke: [out loud] Context…
    Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
    Narrator: And he realizes there IS something distinct about the way he speaks.
    Tobias Fünke: [out loud] Tobias… you blow hard!

    • herr doktor bimler

      Tape’s Last Krapp.

      • SEK

        [slow clap slow clap slow clap]

      • Ben

        Would anyone be surprised if Perry ended a speech with “You must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on”?

        It would confirm the nagging sense that Perry’s campaign is just a huge public performance art project.

        • SEK

          Would anyone be surprised…

          No, but I’d be damned impressed.

        • Malaclypse

          I’m hoping he starts ending speeches with “Courage.” Alternatively, with “Surrender Dorothy.”

          • Hogan

            “Motel time, folks. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

  • Jim Lynch

    He looks and sounds like a last minute replacement as master of ceremonies at a monthly Lyons Club luncheon.

    • BKNin Canadia

      Yes. He seems to be parodying a type of middle-aged, middle-American male that Fred Willard has been (doing a better job of) parodying for the past 35 years.

  • Warren Terra

    It must be tiring trying to remember all that tripe

    Of course, he could use a Teleprompter, but the Right has spent the last three years conditioning their base to rise up and rebel against anyone who’d use one of those (sometimes trained them to do this by delivering speeches from a Teleprompter, of course, but consistency, hobgoblin, etcetera).

    • SEK

      Back at my other, once dead, now revived gig, I wrote at length about teleprompter-hatred and what it’d lead to. Turns out, I was right!

      • SeanH

        Hey! Nobody told me EotW was back!

        • SEK

          I only knew because I was alerted to the WordPress account being reactivated, so it’s not like it’s widely known. In fact …

  • His gestures are a little too deliberate and outsized, like a drunk person.

    This clip gives me a great idea for a general election ad: mash up George Bush’s famous mangling of the “Fool me once…” saying with out takes from this speech, and then end with side-by-shots with Bush on the left, Perry on the right, and the words “Fool me once, shame on you,” over Bush and “Fool me twice, shame on me” over Perry. Then replay the audio of Bush’s last line: “A-foo-mah- can’t get fooled again!”

    • Anonymous

      perfect! then Daltrey’s scream, Moon’s drums for a couple seconds as it fades…

  • You, um, missed the prologue….

    Nah. He’s not a drunk….

  • david mizner

    Clearly some kind of substance issue going on. Perry’s failed bid should be seen as a struggle to find just the right blend on his cocktail of alcohol and anti-anxiety meds, with his apparent problem generally being three shots of Scotch too many. It’s better to have Xanax straight. Believe me, I know. This speech puts his sleepy debate performance in perspective.

    On several occasions in this speech, he appears to be doing an impression of Dana Carney’s impression of Bush Senior.

    • Kal

      Seriously. You don’t have those body mannerisms unless you’re on something.

  • Warren Terra

    So: Perry was the only non-Romney in the field who wasn’t an obvious punchline or no-hoper (Santorum, Bachman, and Newt being punchlines; Roemer and Huntsman being no-hopers; Ron Paul falls in at least one of those categories; and Gary Johnson doesn’t even get enough consideration to make the no-hoper list). Stuff like this should put the stake through the heart of his already moribund campaign (mockery is always more effective than substantive criticism, especially in a Republican party whose tweedy glasses-wearing nebbishy-looking pundit George Wills derides the practice of forming judgments based on ‘data’, scare-quotes his).

    So, I guess we might as well look forward to Romney’s convention speech – and wonder if he’ll do the obvious and pick some total nutbar for veep to placate his base.

    On the other hand, there are other candidates allegedly in the race whom we haven’t heard from. I’m hoping to see more from Jimmy McMillan based only on the star quality of his hair.

    • Roemer and Huntsman being no-hopers

      Seriously, what is wrong with Republicans? How does someone with John Huntsman’s record of accomplishment and obvious ability get immediately ruled out?

      This is ridiculous. I’m not even saying it’s idiotic for them not to nominate him, Michelle Bachmann and Herman Cain get boomlets and lead the field for a time, but John Huntsman isn’t even worth consideration?

      These people are nuts.

      • Malaclypse

        How does someone with John Huntsman’s record of accomplishment and obvious ability get immediately ruled out?

        Not only does Huntsman pray to the wrong Jesus, but he worked for The AntiChrist Obama.

        • Uncle Kvetch

          It’s too bad there isn’t a pointlessly contrarian right-wing answer to Slate: right about now we’d be seeing a “Why You Need to Take Rick Santorum Seriously After All” piece, which would be pure gold for the snarkblogs.

        • Yeah, so much for “politics ends at the water’s edge.” The man served his country overseas when the President said he needed him, in a very important, completely non-partisan job.

          What, does he have Kenyan Kooties now? These people are ridiculous.

    • Murc

      I’ve started to think that if Mike Huckabee, who, whatever else he has going on is a great campaigner and oozes charisma effortlessly, had known how comically weak this field would be, he’d never have removed himself.

      • Warren Terra

        Or at least Tim Pawlenty, who doesn’t (didn’t?) have a gig to lose by running like Huckabee.

        I don’t suppose Pawlenty might still be on the ballot in New Hampster and Iowa? Maybe he should jump back in.

      • R Johnston

        Huckabee knows that most likely if a Republican wins the 2012 election he’ll go down in history as the worst President ever and have such a disastrous single term in office that he won’t even get wingnut welfare afterwards. He’s not running because he’s afraid he’d win and he’s plenty young to run for a first term in 2016.

        Romney’s only running because due to age and his personal political history this is almost certainly his last chance to run for a first term as President and he really wants to be President.

        • mpowell

          You make a good point, but do you think Huckabee really knows this? He seems like a true believer to me, even if he isn’t actually 100% owned by Wall Street like nearly every single national Republican.

  • Ed Marshall

    I want to be a star, I’m going to have a car
    And you’ll have to admit, I’ll be rich as shit
    I’ll just sit and grin, the gold will roll right in.

    /tumbles off the stage

    • rea

      Baby I can drive your car.

      Yes, you’re going to be a star.

      Baby I can drive your car.

      Beep-Beep, yeah!

  • commie atheist

    Nice that Rick finally let his inner gayness come out for everyone to see. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    • Warren Terra

      The word you’re looking for is “gaiety” and means something rather different at least by modern usage.

    • Tebow > Perry

  • wengler

    Every time I see these clowns, it makes sense to me why corporations are right now buying so much stock in ObamaCo.

    This should be an incredibly favorable environment for Presidential challengers. Perhaps it still will be.

  • wiley

    He’s trying too hard. Kind of looks like he might be thinking that if he moves fast enough no one will catch him. Definitely looks like he wants to get away, to something that’s waiting impatiently for him—something compelling. Is that a monkey on his back?

  • Barry

    He said that ‘America spends half a trillion dollars on tax preparation’. Twice.

    • Yeah, that was one of the first things I zeroed in on, but apparently all that jitterbugging he was doing so dazzled and befrazzled the political press that they couldn’t even hear what he said.

      Hey, wait… do you think that could be his STRATEGY?

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