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The 53 Percent, Progressive Era Edition

[ 69 ] October 14, 2011 |

I work in a plumassier – that’s a fancy word for “sweatshop.” I spend fourteen hours a days willowing ostrich feathers so that rich women can wear attractive hats. Because they want to wear these hats, I am able to HAVE A JOB. I used to make 15 cents an hour, but now there are so many young girls in the business that I only make seven or eight cents. The boss tells us that we will soon be paid only five cents.

BUT I DO NOT COMPLAIN, because I am determined to WORK HARD FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE.

Also, my boss will fire or rape me if I complain.

BUT I AM NOT A VICTIM.

The girl who used to work next to me got tuberculosis from inhaling all the dust and fluff from the feathers. But she did not expect the GOVERNMENT to pay for her health care while she recovered. Instead, she went out and got a job SEWING SLIPPERS during the day while her son PICKS OVER THE SWEEPINGS FROM COFFEE WAREHOUSES. They are saving up with THEIR OWN MONEY so she can have BOTH OF HER LUNGS COLLAPSED. This will leave her permanently short of breath and dizzy, but she will continue to WORK because that is the AMERICAN DREAM.

WE CAN DO ANYTHING IF WE SET OUR HEARTS TO IT. WE ARE THE 53 PERCENT.

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  • *polite golf clap*

    BraVO, sir!

    Martini?

  • Malaclypse

    I have even heard that SOCIALIST FORCES within our very own government have forced those nice men MAX BLANCK and ISAAC HARRIS to close their TRIANGLE SHIRTWAIST COMPANY due to government regulations. They have told us that REGULATIONS ARE BAD and will COST US JOBS.

  • scepticus

    Damn straight.

  • c u n d gulag

    There’s been a top 53% since the top 1-2% figured out that it was the best way to keep the remaining 43% docile and keep them paying, which was to make them all feel like they, too were in the top 53%.

    • dave

      Who are the other 2-3%? Our secret lizard overlords?

      • c u n d gulag

        You mean, you don’t know?

        :-)

  • Curmudgeon

    53% of Americans would happily work for 15 cents/hour as long as people beneath them (however defined) were only earning 10 cents an hour.

    Progressive politics always fails in America because the aspiration for better conditions for ones own kind is overwhelmed by the desire to grind lesser people into dust.

    Hate of the Other is an American value.

    • And a dog in the manger is a better animal totem than a bald eagle. Failing that, a bucket full of crabs.

      • Hogan

        Or a frog in a slowly heated pan of water, although apparently that’s a myth. Frogs are smarter than we are.

      • Stag Party Palin

        Don’t sell the Bald Eagle short as a national symbol for our times. Benjamin Franklin was prophetic when he wrote:

        “For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

        “With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy.

  • EndOfTheWorld

    This Fredrick Douglass person seems to have quite a beef to pick with the noble, Southern plantation owner. And yet! YET! He has been seen, on occasion, wearing a cotton shirt.

    • Clearly, this is irrefutable proof that liberality shall be the very death of this great Union, for no conservative Southern would ever dare tear the fabric of our land asunder

  • wengler

    As long as no black person is making more money than me 5 cents will do.

  • Anonymous

    Video: Borderline insane — or totally facetious — meltdown from OWS protester

    This is what you guys are doing to these disillusioned kids, making them feel important and hateful at people they have no clue in the world what they do. Not to mention thinking there’s no harm to come to them for having their faces go viral on videos if they ever decide to start looking for jobs.

    Seriously, this kid with hair down to his shoulders is mad at Wall Street buildings or something when there’s no way he’s getting a job in any professional field looking like that, but somehow he thinks those guys up in those buildings owe him his livelihood. That bullshit is all fucked up and shit.

    • wengler

      Pick a name, any name.

      • Dennis

        Otay.

        • wengler

          Dennis, are you or have you ever been a corporation?

          • DrDick

            I am beginning to think he is actually a bot.

    • Walt

      That’s why it’s really important that we keep the government’s hands off our medicare.

    • Ed Marshall

      *sob* Leave….JP Morgan….ALONE!!! *wracked sob*

    • calling all toasters

      If only I had been there to stop that Jobs kid from taking LSD. He could’ve had a quite nice career as an accountant.

      • NBarnes

        Well played, sir.

      • Lancelot Link

        Yeah, these hippies are really going nowhere.

    • Your flop sweat is noted.

      Really starting to worry, aren’t you?

    • OWS Madness!

    • Hair? Down to his shoulders!? Well, that tells us everything we need to know.

    • Because no banker has ever gotten a job with long hair

    • DenDen, you could try staying on topic at least once a week.

      • Dennis

        That video of one of your peeps down at Zucotti Park is dead on topic, actor. Whether he and his GF are being 75% serious or 100% serious, it’s still the same snark as this blog post is.

        On the one hand, everyone knows the whole situation is fucked up. On the other, you have a bunch of clowns acting like clowns having a party. In the middle, you have all the spectators from both sides who are laughing at each other. You’re laughing at us for telling these kids to clean up and go look for work since that’s what we did and we’re only so willing to keep footing the bill for their ineptitude and laziness, and we’re laughing at you for cheering idiots like this Ted Hall moron and his Velma from Scooby Doo girlfriend asking folks like you to come help them from their insanity.

        Very much on-topic, my thong-schlepping friend.

        • You’re laughing at us for telling these kids to clean up and go look for work

          Willpower is all they’re lacking! I found a job in 1971, why can’t they find one in 2011?

          • Malaclypse

            DNFTT, please.

            • Touché, Mal. That’s usually my mantra! I was just upset at the laziness and ineptitude of guys like this.

              • Dennis

                John, you mocked WWII veterans who carried the same signs at Tea Parties.

                Ruthlessly.

                • Dude, really? You’re trying to troll me on a Saturday morning? Don’t you have a third job you need to get to?

                  Seriously, if you have something to say about my blogging, say it at my blog.

              • Dennis

                Touché, Mal.

                And John, Malaclypse isn’t your opponent.

              • Malaclypse

                Yea, it is just that Dennis is a particularly boring and inept troll. Donalde brought the hate-filled rage, and you were never sure if that comment is what finally pushes him over the edge into a stroke. Normy brought the psychotic stalking. Newe Media Meade brought the bad wine. Dennis brings nothing.

                • Dennis

                  Oh…. Touché, Mal.

          • Dennis

            “Lost my job, found an Occupation”

            No, to the contrary, they have Willpower, John. As long as the free pizza keeps coming in, that is.

            There’s no shame in not having a job.

            There is in acting like a clown.

            That video of Ted Hall and his girlfriend belong on your blog post. He’s just as smart as any kid his age who’s been fortunate enough to land a job on an Wall Street trading desk or IB research staff. He’s also very much just as much as an idiot as the 27 yr old trader that Krugman was lambasting for bemoaning how hard it was to make a half-million bucks any more.

            My point is that you guys are cheering clowns like him and you want us to pity them and feel their pain, when a good portion of them are viral-video attention-seekers. That kid’s not peeking out from behind his cardboard poster saying he’s one of the 99%, is he?

            • DocAmazing

              Remember, Dennis: your employer’s droppings constitute a nutritious and tasty meal. Anyone who would tell you otherwise is some kind of Communist.

              • Dennis

                Anyone who would tell you otherwise is some kind of Communist.

                Well, it seems I’m being told that above from a Noam Chomsky toady who has managed to turn his brand of drivel into a paying gig at a football school.

                If you want to call him a Communist, far be it from me to stop you.

                • c u n d gulag

                  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Huh… Wha…?

                  Oh, it’s Dennis, the insipid troll…

                  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

                • Dennis

                  Who you can’t seem to stop blogging about.

                  I didn’t say you were lazy, cundstler, I said you aren’t doing jack-shit to change the world saying the same things over and over on liberal blog comments sections all day long.

                  Why is that so hard for you to accept that as constructive criticism?

                  I mean, you hate your mom and your dad and Wall Street represents parental disapproval…yeah, ok, I get that, but how does typing that on a computer help make a contribution to affecting any kind of change?

                • c u n d gulag

                  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

            • c u n d gulag

              Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    • wiley

      Never wanting to waste an opportunity to make a silk purse outta a sow’s ear, I have a prepared a list of words to describe the writers of such bilge as can be seen above for the purpose of putting my eyes on a list of words so that I might better see them on my Scrabble rack or board.

      petty, contemptible, frivolous, irrelevant, paltry, niggling, pettifogging, picayune, piddling, shabby, shallow, trifling, carping, cavil, objurate, petulant faultfinding, querulous, choleric, captious, irascible, bilious, peevish, cranky, indoctrinate, jaundiced, cynical, opprobrious, calumniatory, contumelious, scurrilous, cantankerous, exceptive, desperate, bitter, cynical, acrimonious

      What I would give to spell calumniatory or “contumelious in a game of Scrabble! Far more satisfying that quango on a triple word score, regardless of the points it earns.

    • commie atheist

      Crack, crack’d cheeks
      And blow Hot Air
      O’er the assembled multitude

      ‘Pon countertops of gran-ite
      Thy Malkin hast cast her Merkin
      And baldly proclaims her virtue

      An ill wind doth bloweth no man to good.

      • wiley

        Nice. I was thinking something along the lines of “Doth the protest?”

      • DocAmazing

        Thy Malkin hast cast her Merkin
        And baldly proclaims her virtue

        I see what you did there…

  • Q. Where are the jobs!
    A. Jobs is dead kid.

  • And when those nice men from PINKERTONS trampled my youngest boy as they hunted for a cabal of UNION ORGANIZERS, I bade him APOLOGIZE for splashing his BLOOD upon their feet.

    • JG

      Very well played, sir.

  • RhZ

    Let’s just all keep reminding others that the ‘job creators’ got their huge tax cuts ten years ago.

    And this is where we are now. Hmmm…

    In my mind, this bears repeating.

    • Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more. Or close the walls around our gated communities with your dead!

      In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man who makes less than $500K a year as modest stillness and humility.

      But when the blast of class warfare blows in your Galtian Overlords’ ears, then imitate the action of the feedlot kine…

      Yeah I could go on, but I’m getting kind of pissed off.

  • cpinva

    hell, if she were a real american, she’d be paying the company for the privilege of working there. clearly, this woman is a slacker!

  • c u n d gulag

    Dennis,
    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • mark f

    Perfect.

  • merl

    I was wondering what happened to Dennis. I think Oliver Willis banned him or something because he doesn’t troll every thread all day long there anymore. If you want lots of laughs, post anything at all about Sarah Palin, that drives him even more nuts.

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  • a2e

    It stills fucked up because somebody will keep on taking advantage of you as you keep letting them to do so.
    Your logic says that if you were born poor you and your kind are fucked up forever and worst of it is that is the only thing you will inherit; you don’t need to think much before you realize that wage it is a sophisticated disguise for slavery.
    I still admire your stoicism but used in that way looks pretty much like stupidity.

  • Dan

    *CUE GREAT DEPRESSION II*

  • Collin

    a2e, The post is sarcasm. It is mocking the right-to-work mentality.

    Really, having her “lungs collapsed”? That didn’t give you the hint that this is a joke? You do know this means being killed by a snake, don’t you?

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