Home / General / Donald Douglas somehow managed to top himself. [<em>Updated below the fold</em>.]

Donald Douglas somehow managed to top himself. [Updated below the fold.]

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But honestly, because he’s proven it’s possible to be gainfully employed in academia and functionally illiterate, I can’t even manage a few moments of schadenfreude.  Remember that post I wrote yesterday?  The one in which I clearly indicated that I’d condensed a thread’s worth of insults into a nonsensical stream of ad hominem?

Donald Douglas not only thinks Jeff Goldstein wrote it, he considers it to be a “deliciously devastating slam.”  I’ll take the compliment on its face—the art of collage is an art—but the fact that someone employed by an institution of higher learning found that paragraph compelling is, I think we can all agree, probably the most embarrassing thing someone employed by an institution of higher learning could ever do. The only reasonable response to such a brazen display of idiocy is to take a screen-shot of it and put it on the internet forever:

Click to embiggen.

Update. Somehow, I always forget that when it comes to missing the point, Douglas will never be topped.  He composed a “refutation” of this post in which he admits his error as only he can:

The gist of the attack is that somehow I’m functionally illiterate:

Because he’s proven it’s possible to be gainfully employed in academia and functionally illiterate, I can’t even manage a few moments of schadenfreude.

Sure, to be fair to Skanky Little Scotty, my bad. I could have sworn that was Jeff’s comments at the post, “Shorter Jeff Goldstein.” Chalk one up for the Big Bad Boys at Lawyers, Gays and Marriage, where academic giants like Robert Fuckwad Farley stiff good-faith conservatives for a thousand bucks while sucking back a few whiskey sours.

As a Cautious Man noted earlier, someone is not aware of all internet traditions; he is, however, attempting to start one of his own.  It lacks a catchy name like “Shorter,” but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve a place in the Hall of Internet Traditions.  It goes something like this:

  1. You demonstrate that Douglas has no idea what he’s talking about.
  2. He responds by correcting a typo.

I’m not kidding.  He responded to a post in which I demonstrated that he has problems with basic comprehension by writing:

Little Scotty’s schtick is to attack conservatives for bad writing and alleged “functional illiteracy” while demonstrating—once again!—actual functional illiteracy.

His proof?  I mistyped “version” as “verion” in the “Shorter” post.  I hate to be pedantic, but since winding Douglas up is damn entertaining, I will: making a typographical error isn’t evidence of “functional illiteracy,” which Wikipedia defines as “a term used to describe reading and writing skills that are inadequate to cope with the demands of everyday life,” e.g. “reading blog posts if you’re a blogger.”  You’re a blogger who by his own admission is incapable of reading blog posts, meaning that by the power vested in me by Wikipedia, I am within my rights to hereby declare you to be “a functionally illiterate blogger.”  See how that works?

Of course you don’t.  You think that because Goldstein uses variations of the word “fuck,” it’s reasonable for someone to assume that the paragraph in the original post was written by him.  By that logic, Goldstein also wrote what you said about Farley above—which would mean that you, sir, are a plagiarist.

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  • And cue Donald showing up here and throwing a tantrum/”You Librulz iz STOOPID! LOLZ!” comment in 3…2….1…

    • MikeJ

      He won’t be showing up anywhere if he’s topped himself.

      Oh sorry. Forgot SEK is speaking Merkin, not English. Nevermind.

      • herr doktor bimler

        Crosswise for sympathy, lengthwise for mortuary!

        • Anonymous

          Or more concisely: down, not across.

  • justaguy

    I dunno. I think that the fact that he’s a Political Science professor who doesn’t seem to know what the words Marxist, Communist, Socialist and Nihilist means is a little more damning.

    • Twisted_Colour

      Sadly, this type of ignorance is not uncommon amongst U.S. Poli-Sci professors.

      I blame the 1980’s.

  • You even titled that bit as a “Shorter …”

    Professor Douglas does not appear to be aware of all Internet traditions … ;-)

    • DrDick

      I am dubious as to whether Prof. Douglas is aware of any traditions. He seems to draw entirely on his rather copious and redolent anal excreta for his inspiration. Hardly surprising when his head is so firmly lodged there.

      • cer

        He is familiar with traditions when they are commercialized, lobotomized, and sold to him in the form of sad theme parks (with appearances by history buff Michelle Bachmann.)

        Skanky Little Scotty is kind of a catchy name.

  • patrick

    Could you start a flame war with Greenwald? You could just say Dawn Johnson is a liberal hack or something. Douglas and Goldstein seem way overmatched.

  • pragmatism

    maybe you should footnote it like sadly, no! does. he’s not up on the intertubes traditions like president mccain is.

  • Twinky Tossberg500

    Will the last man at PW please reach around and yank off Jeff’s caribou tights.

  • Donald was great on The Beverly Hillbillies. Shame about the gender reassigment surgery.

  • Is ‘self-said’ a word? I’ve heard of ‘self-made’ and ‘self-styled’ and ‘so-called’ and ‘wannabee’ and ‘self-proclaimed’ and ‘has=been’ and ‘one-time.’

    SEK, I think you need to add something to your new meme:

    1. You demonstrate that Douglas has no idea what he’s talking about.
    2. He responds by correcting a typo and issuing an illiterate neologism

    Fixed.

  • Heh. You said “venison.” That means “penis.” Heh.

  • Man, what is it with all the painfully stupid and Republican (but I repeat myself) college professors out there? Glenn Reynolds, Ann Althouse, Angry-Mustard-Hating-Whackaloon, and now this Douglas moron — don’t universities have some way to get rid of these incompetents, or does tenure rule all?

  • DrDick

    Heh. Your flame war with le Donald (or more appropriately his rather scatological response) has gained notice by Wolcott. He seems to find le Donald unseemly.

    • timb

      Wha a fine summAtion of the crackpots who took over the Republican Party.

      Sometime after the crushing defeat of 2012 the Republican party will abandon these morons in favor of the corporate types (demographically, angry white guys will carry one only so far). I can’t wait to read their entries as they fight for occupancy with V-Dare and Stormfront as pure fringe sites*). Schadenfreude is not something to feel guilty about….right?

      *A lunatic on Goldstein’s site links to this crap and predicts America will collapse (because poor people can get insurance! AHHHHHH run away!)

      • commie atheist

        Damn it, if they’re gonna keep saying that ObamaNaziCare is a socialist takeover of “1/6th of the economy,” couldn’t we at least get an actual socialist takeover of, I don’t know, 1/32nd of the economy? Can’t they throw some actual socialism on there through reconciliation, since we’re already triggering Armageddon? I mean, what’s a little more death and destruction, since we’re all doomed anyway.

  • Twinky Tossberg500

    I take exception with Mr. Wolcott.

    “Nothingburgers”?

    I prefer their caricature post-digestive.

    Whopperplops.

  • hv

    I think that a serious inquiry should be made into the possibility that Douglas et al believe that being cool is settled by insult contests? Kinda “Your Momma So Fat”? Or maybe Mike Fink/Mississippi riverrat braggadocio?

    The saddest part to me is how little creativity exists among the right, and how quickly they resort to the profane or homophobic. They want to say something absolutely cutting, you can tell. But the hatelove is gone.

    I remember when Reagan could call someone a “liberal” and make it seem insulting.

    • DocAmazing

      I remember when Reagan could call someone a “liberal” and make it seem insulting.

      Ah, but he had the editorial staffs of several major newsdailies and the newsanchors of a few networks assisting him on that project. Shoulders of giants and all that.

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