Why is Melania Trump suddenly making a big deal about the “fact” that she never had anything at all to do with Jeffrey Epstein?

Amid all the rest of the madness, the first lady of the evening held a press conference completely out of the blue yesterday, at which she robotically stumbled through a statement in which she claimed not to have ever had any relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. She attacked the very many stories linking her to Epstein (if there were a photo of myself while obviously eight miles high, posing for the cameras with Epstein and his procuress at a high-profile public event, I would make it a policy not to speak of the whole subject unless under subpoena, but whatever), denied she had been victimized by Epstein or that he had introduced her to her current husband, and, most curiously, called for public hearings for Epstein’s victims.

Nobody, including the best-connected propagandists inside the right wing scream machine, had any explanation for this development. Mrs. Trump wasn’t reacting to a new story, nor did it appear she was trying to get ahead of something that was about to break, although apparently there’s a book coming out in Merrie Olde Ynglande next week about the pervert formerly known as Prince Andrew, which contains a quote from Epstein in 2007, in which he said he had carnal knowledge of Melania before she ever met Donald Trump. But that seems like a weird thing to bring more attention to via this inexplicable stunt.

So, as Nice Guy Eddie might put it, why doesn’t somebody tells us what’s really going on here?

Which brings us to Amanda Ungaro, a Brazilian former model, and apparently a long-standing close friend of Melania and her family.

Amanda was married to wealthy Trump supporter, Paolo Zampolli, who owned a modeling agency known for bringing in young women from Eastern Europe with dubious visa arrangements. Zampolli is rumored to have secured the original visa for young Melania. He is currently on the new Kennedy Center Board of Trustees.

Sounds totally on the level in every way. Hey look, a squirrel war in the Middle East!

Well Monsieur Zampolli, specialist in the provision of spicy Eastern European delicacies for New York City’s most discerning patrons of the arts, decided to dump the girl from Ipanema, and launched a vicious custody battle to gain custody of their son. Naturally he enlisted the good offices of his great good friend the president of the United States, as one does, to set ICE goons on Ms. Ungaro. They raided her home, arrested her and her new doctor husband, and eventually deported her to Brazil, after she had spent the last 23 years in this country. (Her husband, who is in the country on a work visa, is continuing to fight his own pending deportation.)

Amanda Ungaro is none too happy about any of this, and she’s currently all over social media, messaging Melania, and informing her in cyber-public that

She is going to tell the world incriminating information about Melania, Trump, and their dealings and corruption. As Amanda puts it, now that she has been deported and stands to lose custody, she has nothing left to lose.

I’m not saying any of this is anywhere near as interesting as optimal email server security practices, but maybe it will somehow become a story anyway.