The Ballad of Big Balls

The world’s richest man unveiled an elaborate fantasy scenario involving his associate in the mass starvation of African children Edward “Big Balls” Coristine:

If a DOGE staffer got his ass kicked in DC there’s less than zero percent chance it was because he was trying to defend a young woman from “about a dozen young men” lmao but this is some incredible fan fic

[image or embed]— Laura Bassett (@lebassett.bsky.social) Aug 5, 2025 at 4:04 PM

You will be surprised that what happened to Mr. Balls was somewhat more, ah, prosiac:

D.C. police have arrested a 15-year-old boy and girl from Maryland and charged them with unarmed carjacking, the department said in a news release. Two people familiar with the details of the case, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly, said the suspects are being held at the city’s youth detention center.

MAGA in large measure is about thinking you’re in a Laim Neeson vigalante movie when you’re actually in a reboot of The Naked Gun.